DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

[Thymelord]

The shit some women put up with

^ this. Honestly OP, get out. I can predict your future if you stay and have children with this prick. It 'aint pretty.

[HJWT]

He wants YOU to carry HIS baby but won't even buy you a car to drive round in with your baby or even still heavily pregnant with his child?

What a 🐷 🐷 🐷 do not have kids with this man 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Crunchymum]

@Twirlywirlywurly

Just for clarity is it just £150 extra or £150 with every repayment?

Doesn't change the fact he is a mean bastard though!!

[SkullCharm]

WTF??

He should just be buying you a car if he's that loaded!!
Why has he been letting you drive around in a death trap if he has that amount of money saved??

What a prick!

[Ponoka7]

@ploughingthrough, by pure luck it worked out for you, for most, it doesn't and they are dropped on their arse. That's a big risk to take.

[Adelais]

You’re married, you’re a team and should be sharing money! I can’t believe he wants to loan you the money and even charge interest! It’s clear he sees his money as only his so please don’t have kids or you’ll be screwed when you aren’t earning enough.

[chocolateandpinkgin]

What the actual fuck? Your HUSBAND is going to LEND you the money because you need a car? I can't actually believe what I'm reading. You're married FFS, it should be family money. I'm assuming you need the car for work? You know, that place where you earn money that goes towards your bills and stuff? He sounds bloody awful OP, sorry. If this is what he's like now, please do think VERY carefully before you have kids with him. Can you honestly see him agreeing that all money is family money once you have kids?!

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

Charge him rent on your womb when you're housing your child. £150 a month should cover it, the twat.

[glittercats]

This is genuinely one of the most utterly ludicrous things I’ve ever read in my life.

I actually have no words.

I would be starting divorce proceedings today. There can be no going back from this. What a pathetic excuse for a man and husband.

OP, nobody lives like this and it’s far, far from normal.

PLEASE DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN!!!

Actions speak louder than words, as they say, and with this spreadsheet / interest fiasco, he has shown you - HIS OWN WIFE - exactly who he is.

Despicable. Don’t engage with him any further. Sounds like you’re financially separate within the marriage anyway, so leaving him won’t make much difference. You can’t rely on him for anything, so what is the point? Thank god you don’t have kids with him.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Woah! Stop everything, no TTC etc.

Before you do anything you MUST sit down with him and talk this through! You debt is his debt yet his savings are not yours? That is a weird, weird way of thinking, very self centred, not really a team/partnership kind of thing!

You already seem to accept that during maternity YOU wil have to pay... he won't pay what you aren't earning etc. That too is not really sustainable. Any kids become YOUR financial responsibility. What about him?

You have to have that discussion. You both need to work out what it is you want, how it can be financed etc. Money may not be sexy but it is the root of much discomfort and inequity in a marriage.

[ColossalFossil]

Wow.

In this instance my DH would just buy me a new car.

I would LTB

[Fairylea]

Wow.


He’s an arsehole!!! If you’re married surely his savings are your savings?! Fucking hell. I’m speechless.

[SkullCharm]

Divorce him, get half his savings and buy a new car.

Ffs.

[TidyDancer]

OP your DH is disgusting. He will not change. Get out now and do not have children with this arsehole.

[thrree]

Wow. He's really backed you into a corner, won't allow you to be independent and get a loan or lease a car. So your only option is to have him help you and for that he will take advantage and charge you interest. If he is going to act like a bank you need to act like a surrogate if you have his child re have him compensate you the costs surrounding carrying his child.

[Lazypuppy]

You don't need his permission to get a car on finance or whatever, its your debt not his!

That said, i'd personally run away, he sounds awful!

[Movinghouseatlast]

Oh my.

Whilst I understand keeping finances separate to some extent, I believe there should be some overlap and this is one of those cases.

I would be be very concerned about the future if Iwere you. You need to talk to him about his attitude to money and where you fit in, especially if you have children.

I have a friend who has just left her partner after 15 years. He really believed that his money was all his, had left every penny including the house which was in his name to his adult kids. She would have been left homeless and destitute had they split up later when she was perhaps unable to work.

I fear your husband may financially abuse you when you have children.

[WeHaveSnowdrops]

leave the tight git. This will be the rest of your life. Find a decent man.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Has he always been abusive....?? As this is what it is.. (I have much experience of working with domestic violence survivors)

And you're GRATEFUL he's offering to LEND you money....??? You're married ffs....

All your money is joint money... (as an example I was in a very similar sitstion... Car blew up nonchance of repair.... I need a car daily... As soon as we knew, my partner said... Right, car shopping this weekend and bought me a recent car... No loan /no interest... As we are PARTNERS.... I would have done the same for him).

He's done a right number on you.... I feel very sorry for you and your situation.

I know you haven't asked but I will say this... He's a mysognist financially abusive man.... He will NEVER change... He's already groomed you to expect YOU to scrimp and save while he lives as a single man with a large salary...

When you have kids with him... It WILL worsen.... Please don't put yourself /kids through this...

[sleepylittlebunnies]

All our money is joint but I understand that doesn’t work for everyone. I struggle to process that he is so well off yet wouldn’t just buy you a new car in this instance. Even if it has to be a loan it speaks volumes that he would put a £150 interest charge on the loan. Does he ever treat you to anything OP, is he generous in other ways or generous to other people. I’d struggle to be married to someone so mean spirited and selfish as him. I’d certainly be thinking very seriously over whether I wanted to have a baby with him.

[Sparkl]

You’ve had uncertainty and stress due to your car for 18 months, your DH has had a small house worth of savings sitting in the bank during this 18 months, and you never had a conversation about getting a new car?

Before any of the loan and baby stuff this on it’s own is not normal.

If he asks how was your day and you say my car broke down, what’s the response? Just a shrug?

[SleeepyyHead]

Oh my god! If that was my husband he wouldn't even want the money back!! Your husband is a prick and I would run for the hills. Do not have children with this man

[Junie70]

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

[Comefromaway]

Absolutely do not have a child with a man who has no idea of the concept of family income and expenditure.

Lease the car. Start planning your exit strategy.