DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

what @MCBerberloop said!!!

Run. For. The. Hills.

Oh lovely, just when we think we have heard everything, along comes another person who is being treated soooo unfairly and not even noticing. Is this really how you want your life to be

Joining the chorus of do.not.have.his.children

Please. Just don't.

I have just read your post - I haven't read the replies yet from my fellow posters but my immediate reaction is wtf !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Taking the same scenario in my house at any stage of our relationship my now DH would have bought me a car as his money is mine and vice versa. He would want his lovely wife (! Eg me ) to be travelling around in a safe and reliable car ,

I have never seen a post on here that has made me think wtf before - assuming there is no huge backstory around this and is genuine post if it were me I could not share my life with someone who behaved like this to me over money - I want a husband/partner who has my back and isn't thinking how to get £ of interest off of me.

When I get home and chilling in the bath I'm going g to read the replies because perhaps IM in the minority feeling like this but I think not .

TWAT doesn't come into it - if you stay married all the best to you

@bealola - you are not in the minority!

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months

NO NO NO NO! Please don't! He's an arsehole! YOU will need to have amassed a lot of savings for when you have HIS children so you can pay your way whilst being his free nanny, maid and cook! Any decent husband would use some of his 3X bigger salary or huge amount of savings to buy another car for the household. If it were me I wouldn't touch his 'loan' and get the finance myself.

I can kind of see his logic. If he used the money from his savings for a car from himself would he pay it back in the same way?

I think you need to talk him, especially about finances when considering having DC. He's not necessarily an abusive monster!

Ask him why he's so desperate for 13p a day from you. His wife.

I'd not want to have a baby with him. I'd be extremely worried about someone else deciding how much money I needed.

What is he saving for? Having enough to get through a few tough months is sensible obviously, but from what you say he has far more than that, what's it all for?
In my marriage all money is pooled and we discuss and decide jointly where its spent. This has always happened and at different times we have both been contributing different amounts. We had nothing when we got together, which I think has helped us really.
In law when you marry you pool resources, so many people don't see marriage as the financial arrangement that it is.
I would expect both partners in a marriage to have the same standard of living, from your post I worry that he has a completely different lifestyle to you because he's richer. If you're considering raising his children and thus probably permanently compromising your lifetime earning potential, you need to make sure he's not going to continue to see his money as his rather than joint.

Wanted to add - when dh and I married he paid off all my debts (about £10k) as I was giving up my job to move to a new area with him. He would've hated me to be fretting about money. My dh is a high earner too and we have large assets, however he would never ever withhold money from me in order to let him feel good about his bank balance rising and rising. I agree with pp who said it sounds like he has some kind of sickness / fear of being poor. It's no excuse though, drawing up the repayment plan with interest is a calculated move - bonkers!

All joking aside, my H was v generous, earned 3x my salary, paid for everything. Finances were separate, but he paid in more than enough to a joint account. Nice holidays, best restaurants etc.
Things changed when I had ds and didn’t go back to work. It became very apparent that he saw the money as his.

I spoke to my mum last night and she was appalled that he was ‘loaning’ me the money in the first place. The thing is, she’s of a different generation and my dad has always paid for everything so I guess she would take that viewpoint.

She's right, regardless of generation, because you are both married. Therefore all savings are shared, as are all debts.
Your DH understands that debts are shared, as he doesn't want you to get a loan.
This could be a case of semantics - "We could take £X,000 from savings but let's make a plan to pay it back" is very different from "YOU owe ME £X,000".

Spoke to a friend about it this morning and she said ‘Well as you know, I’m the higher earner in my marriage and I’m not sure I’d want to just gift ‘XXXX’ (husband) x amount out of my savings to buy him a car. I’d probably want it paid back too.’

Again, if they are married then it is all joint assets and debts.

Rethink the "individual finances" idea now you are married.

Do NOT procreate without trialling joining your finances and what friction that creates...

Also, having just bought a car, there are dealers offering 0% financing. If nothing else make sure he's not more expensive than a car loan!

This is almost too outrageous to be true!!

omg OP he sounds like a vile little man. How do you sleep with him? he sounds gross. Please don't have children with him especially if you only get the bare mat leave allowance at your work

@amaryl - how did that go then, for you? Are you happy with the father of your child now? (Sorry if I missed an earlier post from you, I've just seen yours at 16:50:28.)

I’d be replying with an email saying I’d like a divorce 🤨

My now partner who I wasn’t even in a relationship with at the time offered to buy me a car when mine broke down and I relied on it for getting to work. (Without saying I’d owe interest of sending me a spreadsheet).

'You're not licensed by the Financial Conduct Authority.'

and then take your unenforceable loan money and put it towards a good solicitor that specialises in forensically dismantling dodgy finances

I can't imagine not sharing my stuff with my husband. He earns a fair bit, and I have inherited in the past. It's not a question that we share it all.

Wtaf...

I'm guessing the poor OP won't be back, the general chorus telling her to get out will have frightened the poor woman away @Twirlywirlywurly, if you're still reading this, do think more about what your mother says than your husband, she may be of a different generation but that doesn't make her wrong in her description of how a good marriage partnership should work. I'm guessing she'd be on your side if you ever realise that you are married to a selfish, controlling, git.

You must divorce. Get the most expensive lawyer you can and bill him

Either
A. your money is shared and so you shouldn't take a loan out as you have got large savings.
Or
B. your money isn't shared and so you decide whether you need to take a loan out.

He can't have it both ways.

My exh bought our son in law a car.

Why? Because he's married to our daughter, they have children together, he is now part of our family and they couldn't afford to pay for a car outright. There is no loan and no repayments.

That's what families do when they can afford to. And that goes doubly for married couples.

Wow... how big of him to pay you pocket money on maternity leave...