DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

We each have our own 'pocket money' for things like hobbies, clothes, haircuts etc and the joint account is for joint things like house, cars, holiday etc.. I think that is odd too. If you’re married, all money is joint. My DH spent 3 grand on something for his hobby - something I have no interest in - and I don’t make him “pay it back” into another account so it’s fair. We don’t have separate pots of money. What’s the point? He spends more on his hobbies than I spend on mine. I earn more than him. So what? We don’t need to spend the same. That is not what fairness means. It’s why we are married.

If you want the OP to respond STOP COMMENTING

She says if the thread fills up she's not starting a new one.

I must be very old fashioned then because we got married, we pooled our savings (I had more if that is relevant), we have a joint account, we have our joint mortgage, joint bills out of the joint account etc etc etc. he earns more now as I became a stay at home parent whilst the children were small but we share it all. why on earth do you have separate finances. The only time we have considered money as individual as been a small amount of money I inherited from my grandma where I kept a few hundred pounds to buy myself a couple of things and if we get birthday or Christmas money from family. I just don't understand this "I earn more" attitude. That is shocking. When we met I earned more, I had more savings but I didn't look at it like that, then I lost my job and earned less then had kids. At no point has my husband said to me "this is my money, you have your allowance!"

Brimful
He has enough savings to.buy a house because he earns more yet op has used up all her savings on a clapped out car she needs for work while he saves ££ every month and watches her struggle.

He is her husband you don't charge your spouse interest when you have £100ks in the bank just for you!

I’ll be honest, I’m always baffled by posts like this. You’re married, surely it’s family money? What’s the point in him ‘lending’ you money and you ‘paying’ it back? It’s just moving about in the same household. If he’s worried about losing out in the event of a divorce then you’ll be entitled to what you’re entitled to regardless of how your finances were arranged. In your position I would be angry at being expected to manage with a duff car if he has thousands in the bank and is happy to see you struggle. As for children, I can see your future posts now - “DH won’t pay for childcare”, “DH wants another child but won’t support my maternity leave”, “DH doesn’t help out with the kids because of his IMPORTANT job”. Is this the future you want?

I have no words. He is totally unreasonable and please don't start a family until you know exactly what he will be expecting once you're on mat leave. My DH earns 4 times what I do but our money is joint. We have one account and a savings account both in our names. We have kids so call it the family pot. I have just been a sahm the last year and DH has never questioned that he is putting all his money in the pot and I'm using it. We're a partnership. I think you need to have a frank conversation with your dh. Sending you hugs.

She says if the thread fills up she's not starting a new one.
Good

Haven't RTFT, but this is ridiculous, what a tightwad!

DH and I have both paid for big purchases for "each other" like the house deposit (me), family car (him), his previous car (paid half and half) and we never think about the interest that could be accuring. These purchases ultimately benefit both of us, like your car, because without transport, you presumably can't do your job.

As PP's have said, please, please sit down now to discuss finances before TTC. It's possible that he'll see how weird he's being - I do hope so!

OP just so you know this thread is appearing from a few sources on my Twitter feed. No one has said any different to what's already been said here.

OP you have turned tail and defended him now, make your mind up

Woah, so I guess the way forward is:

One pregnancy 100k
Loss of income due to pregnancy /maternity leave
Wear and tear on your body
EQUAL split of all chores, if not... paid to other part
Etc.
Interest on all of this of course .

You know OP stingy with money, stingy with emotions.

And buying a round at the pub, but charging his own wife interest is not okay and certainly shows a stingy person.

off to check Twitter

And now she defends him !

He is massively playing power politics against you. It's shocking he doesn't know that you deserve to be treated better, you re his wife after all. He should just buy you the car and give it to you like a gift.
This is so horrible. Making you pay interest is abusive.

Get the bank loan if its cheaper, and f**k him

If he has decent savings, I don't know why he wouldn't just buy you a car. You're a married couple, not acquaintances.

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

Well you need to stop thinking about this and say it out loud. I would not be in any rush to have dc's with a man who thinks that giving you money to get a haircut on maternity leave is a luxury!

By the way if his answer to your paying him back is to suspend the loan until you go back to work, think very hard about whether you should have children with this man. If he considers adding extra interest to the loan, DON'T have children with this man!

Oh gosh! I can foresee him sending you a s/sheet if you conceive and every year thereafter in regards to the costs of your kid!

DH and I just replaced my 12 year old car for the same reason. We paid cash for the new one, from joint savings. That's how it's supposed to work in a healthy marriage.

To make absolutely sure you don't have children with him either stop all PIV sex or use three methods of BC. If you have a child he'll probably want to charge it room and board.

Marital debt and assets are shared. He'll own half the car he wants to lend you the money to buy. His attitude is batshit crazy and only a taste of further craziness to come.

Have I missed what level of savings the DH has?

DH is the higher earner and I have had many times when I have not been earning due to SAHM, volunteer work. When I have needed a new car he has financed it and has probably got a higher spec than I would have chosen, as he sometimes uses the car (as doesn't like the dog mucking up his car!). No loans or interest for me.

When you have children I firmly believe that all money earned is family money, there should be no 'allowances'.

What happens with holidays at the moment OP? Do you have to pay the same, or does DH use the savings pot to pay for both of you?

OP I don't think you really want to hear what 100% of the people are saying on this thread but if you want to not find yourself in a life of misery, I suggest you read and understand what they are saying.

Have I missed what level of savings the DH has?
Op says he has "Enough to buy a small house"!!!

Shocked at the OP

He is selfish

If any debt you have is his, similarly, any savings he has are yours.

It’s all joint money

Haha leave the bastard!