DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

My husband has lent me reasonable sums before, as I have him. Our repayment terms are loose, but present. My savings are mine, and his are his. If i choose to spend a load of cash on something, I don't feel the need to discuss or defend my decision about my own money, and the same for him.
We would never see the other person struggle, EVER, but personally I see nothing wrong with split finances and loaning AND repaying between two adults, as long as you're both in agreement?

But this is not what is happening with the OP.
The 'D'H has insisted on OP paying interest on the loan which is very mean. He has also said she is not allowed to take out finance on the car as the debt will then be linked to him as they are married (while at the same time insisting that their finances are separate as they are married). He can't have it all ways.
He is not allowing her to take out a loan so she would need to discuss or defend everything she spends.
I just don't think it's the same situation as your situation at all. You wouldn't see your husband struggle and vice versa, but this 'D'H is allowing her to struggle - she's depleted all of her savings paying for car repairs and a tax bill and he's never offered any help at all despite him having huge amounts of savings and then he turns around and offers her a loan but with interest.
Then he starts on about an allowance for her maternity leave.
He's unbelievable.

Omfg you need a long chat about your future finances.

You've already got 24 pages of WTF but this is so bad I have to add mine as well.

Don't have children with this man, just don't, trust me. Whether or not he tries to back track from this, he's shown his true colours. One of the hardest things about having children is the financial aspect, that most women let go of most of their financial freedom,as you've a child to jointly provide for and you're usually not earning your own money whilst off with the baby.

Your husband won't support you or your child, you'll and you'll be subject to his draconian ideas of what constitutes a suitable budget to live on. And if you do split up he won't financially support his child.

If you stay with him, you have to accept that you're on your own, the only relationship he has with you is a transactional one.

To put this in perspective OP, my boyfriend gave me his old car when I had been seeing him for less that a year. It's not a snazzy new car but it's a very reliable runner that does the job. He bought himself a new car so he just gave me the old one. We're not married, we don't live together and he's never mentioned any payment, let alone given me a spreadsheet.

No. Just no.

If you are stupid enough to have a baby with him, please charge top rate for the following:

Fees for being a Full time/Around the Clock Nanny
Fees for being a Personal Assistant (admin etc)
Fees for being a Full time Cook
Fees for being a Full time Cleaner

Do some research on how much each role would be paid per month, I'm sure it will collectively add up to way more than you are earning now. Stick it all on a spreadsheet and send it to him saying you will invoice him on a monthly basis or can you be employed by him directly. Don't forget he needs to pay you a work place pension, holiday and sickness.

Oh my lord. Please leave this man and take him for anything you can in the divorce. Do NOT have children with him, if you haven't already.

I could be wrong as I'm not a lawyer, but legally doesn't half of his savings belong to you anyway if you're married?!

There’s nothing I can add to the already huge chorus of “YANBU”, “Don’t have a child with him” and “LTB” etc. other than to say one of the things I like about MN is how much (after reading threads like this) I appreciate DH.
If I get annoyed with him, I just come on here and compared to many of the DHs here see how wonderful he is. We are of the old fashioned shared finances and “what’s mine is yours” mould.

Definitely don't have kids, or you'll become the unpaid housekeeper/nanny who has no money, while he builds up huge savings subsidised by the fact you are working for free.

Just had a conversation with a colleague - I might be mistaken - in Civil law there is adjudication that there is no loans between spouses but in Common law - assuming you are in England - there can be - but what you need is proof - hence the spreadsheet your DH kindly prepared - so yes indeed it is a loan. I'm so sorry you are married to such a person.
Run.

Now you know. Your husband is abusive. He's financially abusive. So if you agree to have children with him, you are deliberately bringing an innocent child into an abusive situation. Financial abuse is a crime.

By the way this is definitely going to end up in the Daily Mail.

By the way this is definitely going to end up in the Daily Mail.

Oh god yes. Classic DM fodder I'm afraid!

Yes Urbu
Why are u with him
Money is family money
Divorce him ,don’t have children with him

What alway amazes me is the amount of women who marry these men, seeing their true colours long before the wedding. Trust me, they do not hide their financial controlling ways. It's out and proud for these fuckers.

Oh no poor you that’s horrible and so far wide of acceptable it’s hard to know what to say

By the way this is definitely going to end up in the Daily Mail Imagine if the other mum read it and recognised herself

By the way this is definitely going to end up in the Daily Mail

A discussion point on Loose Women I reckon!

Sorry wrong thread

I lent my DH £5000 about a year before we got married (were engaged, living together etc). He had accumulated various debts and was hardly making a dent in repaying due to the interest rates.
It never occured to me to charge him interest, even though at the time I would have been earning over 5% on the money in the bank. Once we were married I told him to stop repaying me as it was now 'our' money (but he refused and repayed every last penny).
DH and I completely share our finances. Your DH approach to financial matters is concerning and would make me very wary of how things will play out in the future.

If you are stupid enough to have a baby with him, please charge top rate for the following:

This^

Op I read this thread to my husband and he simply couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Your husband’s attitude and lack of respect towards you, his life partner, are appalling.

Put simply, he does not regard you as his equal within the marriage. No healthy marriage can survive this long term.

Let me show you what I mean.

Tell him that this episode has made you realise your finances are currently imbalanced and this needs addressing. You both need to agree going forward how costs will be paid between you in an equitable way.

As part of this process you will both have total transparency regarding all finances, and he will agree to transfer 50% of all savings into your name. This will be better for you both from a tax point of view and give you some security if anything were to happen to him. You will also take out life insurance to the value of five times his annual salary to give you and any future children some security.

When he refuses these perfectly reasonable terms - as he will - he will have told you exactly who he is and you can then divorce the bastard.

Lots of women of different ages and life experiences have all taken time out of their day to come on here and give you good, in many cases hardwon, advice. Please listen to them.

@20CMB20 I would agree with their marriage being relatively short and the weighting should they divorce - however it would appear this woman is subject to financial abuse - and yes a solicitor could/would charge like a wounded bull - but she would stand a chance of getting a decent settlement all considered.

I just cant get me head around this. I would honestly tell him to stick his loan and take a lease out.
My husband wouldn't be buying me a car, WE would be buying a car together. Regardless of who earns what. I assume this child he wants to have with you would travel in the car. Why should you pay for that all on your own?
He may be outwardly generous, but he sound vile and controlling to me and I wouldn't not be having a child with this man.

@daisypond how is it just as skewed?

We each have our own 'pocket money' for things like hobbies, clothes, haircuts etc and the joint account is for joint things like house, cars, holiday etc. Why should our joint account/my husband have to loose out because I decide to spunk £4,000 on saddles?! He is getting no benefit from them, apart from having a happy wife, and in-fact he barely knows the front end from the back end of a horse, so expecting him to essentially pay for most of the saddles (he puts in over double what I do every month) is unreasonable in my eyes. I think it is only fair that I pay back what I have borrowed from our joint pot and not 'sponge' off my husband simply because he earns more than me?

HOWEVER, he would never see me short of money and likewise, I would help him out if ever he needed it. He would never dream of charging me interest when I borrow from the joint account and he would also never expect/want me to pay back into the joint account for something essential like a car or repairs etc.