DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

OP... LTB

I have no problem with separate finances and separate savings, but it's the disparity here that's the issue. What does he think his savings are FOR? Why does he think it's OK for you not to have a decent car while he has pots of cash in the bank? Also to flag up the OP has indicated that he pays for things proportionally to his income, it is not the case that she's skint because he expects 50/50 on mortgage and bills while she earns much less. I'm also going to assume OP just doesn't earn much as opposed to being shit with money.

DH and I have fairly separate finances and pay proportionally into a joint account to cover bills which includes groceries and eating out. However we both are left with plenty for our needs and wants. I actually saved enough to cover my joint account contribution during mat leave, but this was really just by not saving otherwise or overpaying the mortgage while pregnant; I didn't go short and my wine bill had significantly reduced. Equally that meant that while I was on mat leave, DH was able to continue overpaying the mortgage at his usual rate, he didn't sit on the money for himself. I also swapped from a company car to a car allowance to increase my take home while on mat leave; DH just gave me his car to use and bought a cheaper one for himself. When I sell eventually it, he won't be asking for the market rate at the point I took it, he'll just take whatever we get for it! It's also clear if I didn't have enough, he'd pay more; we wouldn't stop going out for nice meals or on holiday if I couldn't pay my way!

Unless there's a huge backstory you've not mentioned, I'd be standing there with my mouth hanging open in shock

In the end, though, the real issue is your totally different attitude to money, and I'm not sure I'd be planning a family under these circumstances

This may be an unpopular opinion but I don't really see the issue. Yes, 'legally' in a separation situation there would be an entitlement, but that's not what this is? I agree that the interest is a bit unfair, and wouldn't do this, however I do not understand why people feel the need as married people to split and share everything! My husband and I have always had separate finances, aside from our joint commitments such as mortgage etc.

My husband has lent me reasonable sums before, as I have him. Our repayment terms are loose, but present. My savings are mine, and his are his. If i choose to spend a load of cash on something, I don't feel the need to discuss or defend my decision about my own money, and the same for him.

We would never see the other person struggle, EVER, but personally I see nothing wrong with split finances and loaning AND repaying between two adults, as long as you're both in agreement?

Just to add to the 570 odd gobsmacked posters ahead of me.

Oh OP this is BAD. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership - all of that "all that I have I share with you" stuff in the marriage vows. If someone in the partnership needs a car, then a car is bought with the partnership's money. All the "mine" and "his" stuff is totally ridiculous and emailing you a spreadsheet with interest payments? Words fail me.

Do NOT have a baby.

You're married, all warnings are family money. No normal person would do this. You're not after a luxury car for the sake of it, you need a car so it's a basic family essential. He's a total twat.

Jesus wept, op. Do not have children with this man. What an absolute bellend.

Me and dh have separate finances, but joint savings. I earn the most by quite a margin, but a car is a necessary household expense (particularly in your case where you need one for your business!) and costs incurred are a family expenditure.

I'm willing to bet that if you have children with him, he will convince you to give up your business and your income. He will erode your confidence and self belief and hold the purse strings so tight you won't be allowed any say over any financial decisions. He'll make you account for every single penny of expenditure, making you go without treats for yourself or continually asking you to justify yourself.

This bodes really badly unless you nip this in the bud now. Or divorce him.

He was presumably saving for a rainy day - this is it !

If I was you I’d get a leased car and have a careful think about the relationship and any trying for families .

So sorry for you OP

OP im just going to reflect on allthe other posters...this is not normal. Financial abuse in my opinion.

@JengaCupboard why don’t you see the issue? You said yourself that you would never EVER see the other person struggling yet this is exactly what the OP’s husband has done - watched her go around in a piece of crap car paying repairs she can’t afford. Letting her run her savings into nothing and then saying she needs to pay interest if he ‘loans’ her the money to get a new car.

It’s outrageous - how can you not see that?

He said it would be enough for ‘luxuries’ each month like new clothes and a hair cut

A haircut is a luxury?

Or is he going to be good enough to "let" you have it cut properly rather than nipping down to the local barber for a no.1 cut?

he wants to make money from you, he wants to benefit from your poorer situation

Yes, just like any common or garden loan shark

Are you sure this is your husband and not your bank manager?

I would tell the selfish twat to stick his spreadsheet up his arse.

Don't have children with him.

@JengaCupboard would you let a situation arise whereby you earned a lot more and therefore had loads of money saved whereas your partner had nothing?
Or vice versa?

I...it...the....nope.

I got nothing.

@JengaCupboard Totally agree. I will never share finances.

Divorce him and you'll get half of the savings and be able to buy a car

Is that still the case if you don't have kids? OP works at the moment, albeit that she earns a lot less than he does - would he still have to support her post-divorce?

23 pages of people from all walks of life with differing incomes and a multitude of views of life all telling you that this is not a normal way of doing things.. That must say something.

This is completely shocking and I honestly would think so carefully about starting a family with this man.

It's also near on impossible to plan what costs are going to be involved with having children, they fluctuate constantly depending on how old they are, what hobbies and interests they have, how many parties they attend, what school trips/fundraisers/costume days the school decide to participate in that year.

I wish you the best of luck but I hope if he cannot change his outlook on things that you decide to find someone that views you as more important than his bank account.

First off, leave. Second off, do NOT have a baby with this man.

But if his behaviour isn't enough to make you run for the hills, then tell him that you will accept the loan BUT you will not consider TTC until it is fully repaid. See what he says.

He doesn’t see you as an equal partner.

He’s happy to be generous with his money to look good down the pub.

Imagine how grateful he’ll expect you to be for his maternity leave contributions

Divorce him and take half his savings, then you won't need the loan

Is that still the case if you don't have kids? OP works at the moment, albeit that she earns a lot less than he does - would he still have to support her post-divorce?

All assets and debts from both sides get put on the table and split down the middle if there are no children. If there are children, 50/50 is a starting position, depending on share of custody and ability of each partner to live off their income. This is why so many people strongly advise getting married if you're planning on children - it's a financial contract, not just a romantic whim.

We would never see the other person struggle, EVER

Would you let the other person drive around in a crappy car that kept breaking down while you had what sounds like tens of thousands of pounds in the bank?

I was a SAHM and my husband bought me a new car outright. And we didn't have HEFTY savings.

@cologne4711 You make a very good point. OP's marriage is relatively short, and there are no children. She might be legally entitled to some share of her husband's savings (along with a share of whatever equity they have in property), but I don't think it would be half. I think she would have to assume the worst in financial terms, if she were to think of leaving him. Especially given the cost of lawyers, who quickly eat up whatever monies a couple might possess.

Perhaps better to try to hammer this problem out with her husband first?