DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

I can't say much more than what's already been said, but wtf!?! You are married, it's so so wrong that your husband is even mentioning "loaning" you money, never mind charging you interest. Please rethink your relationship with his man and do not get pregnant by him!

Don't make excuses for him, he's a twat to do this to you and it's inexcusable.

I think it has all been said but this is very wrong and having a dc with a man this unaware of what a partnership is is a shocking idea.
Either get a much more balanced relationship sorted between you or get a divorce.

Like a prenuptial agreement, seperate finances strike me as an insurance policy against splitting up.

What is anyone going to do with thousands of pounds worth of savings that won't involve their partner?

"I'm going on holiday with the children, but you can't come because you can't afford it."

"I'm buying a bigger house, but you won't be living with us because you earn less than me."

OK, I understand that people might be frustrated with spendthrift partners, so a personal spending allowance from the communal pot could go to each person, but handing out loans? Come on!

I think this is the right time to wheel out a classic:

He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Including you and your marriage!

What? I am the only breadwinner in my family. I don't ask my DH what he uses money for, it is our money not mine.

Run a mile.

Just read the bit where you are grateful for him "lending" you the money. FFS.

I feel very sorry for you OP, but if I were you I would try to collect any evidence of his investments/savings, and keep it safe, he sounds the type to ‘hide’ his assets in the event of a divorce, I doubt he would just hand over half to you, good luck for the future x

If my car broke it would be my husbands problem too and he would get me a new one
Wtf

What about after maternity leave? Who is going to pay for childcare? Who is going to do drop offs and pick ups, and drop everything when your children are ill and need to be at home? What if your child has a long term illness (one of mine had) and can’t cope with more than basic school hours to do wrap around care or holiday clubs? In this house we decided together it would be me, and as a result my earning power is lower than it would otherwise of been, my husband supports this and our way has been that we have pooled finances (it’s not the only way). I’d have those conversations now, maternity leave is just the start of it, it’s not just the additional expenditure it’s also that between you there is less time ‘available‘ to work. Is he willing to do 50% of it all to allow you to keep your financial independence?

I just can't square this with my concept of marriage at all. I get that we're all different but this simply Does Not Compute

Er, you’re married. His savings are your savings. Please don’t have children with this man 🙄

This is not what love looks like.

What rainy day is he saving 7 figures for if not this

It must be shocking to read how awful everyone else reads this as being but it is not a normal or sustainable partnership

Hope the fact the OP hasn't been around for a while is because she's out looking at cars and arranging car finance for herself.

But sadly, I think she'll accept this loan with interest because her husband is "so generous" after all and she'll accept any crumbs of an allowance he throws her way during her maternity leave.
Then she'll be back in 18 months in a right state because the allowance isn't covering the baby's needs, never mind her needs let alone a couple of "luxuries" like a coffee and cake out with friends. And the fucker is wanting his car loan paid back and adding interest on to it because it's going to take her more than the agreed 3 years to do this.

Divorce him, take half his savings and buy yourself a car. What a fucking arsehole he is.

My instinct here is LTB too.

But given the point where OP is coming from, I think at the very least it should prompt a conversation about how the loan and interest suggestion is now making you question your future. I would be saying loud and clear that you really do need to work out whether or not you're on the same page with this marriage.

Is it making you question things OP? Or do you still feel like the responses here are OTT and it isn't actually that bad?

Reading the many horror threads on MN about financial abuse, I think it would be of great service to the MN community if a permanent ticker was put up "What financial abuse in a relationship looks like".

Then a selection of the real horror threads, telling the awful lives of people, usually with children, at the mercy of a financial abuser.

I had never realised what it was until I came on here.

I think it would be a huge, easy to access tool for women to utilise and learn from.

I certainly have had my eyes opened.

Good luck OP.
Have children with a man like that and I fear you will really need it. 💐

This isn't normal, you're married and finances become joint. If you LTB then marital assets would be split including his precious savings.
I have savings, I consider them mine and my DWs for a rainy day. She earns more and pays more towards our household costs.
We were looking at our pensions the other day and talking about what 'we' would have when we retire. If we split for some reasons I do expect that all our money, savings, house, pensions etc. would be taken into account.
How is it going to work when you're on Mat leave? Is he going to 'loan' you money then?

How is your debt his debt, but his money not your money?

Wow. Not that he should just give it to you unless he wanted to / that’s how your relationship works, but interest is hugely selfish.

I know everyone is different but I know my husband would give me his last penny if I needed it, and vice versa.
Marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership and if you have a baby with this man you’ll end up totally beholden to him forever as he holds all the cards financially.

Money isn’t everything but respect and mutual support (in all capacities) is.

My DH inherited £60K and immediately gave me £20K of it to buy a new car. He doesn't drive.

Leave the tight arsed git!

Presumably you will be charging him half of the fuel and wear and tear for grocery shopping, etc?

What a disgusting attitude he’s got, my dad is quite tight with money but he’d never have changed us interest on a loan! Look at it from a different perspective- he wants to make money from you, he wants to benefit from your poorer situation. Do not have children with him.

Tightarse.