DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

Forget 'the loan' OP, appalling suggestion from your husband; get a car via a business lease, you will then be able to get a new car every 3 to 5 years.

I think you should sit your 'D' H down and remind him you are in a marriage, therefore ALL assets are joint, including his nest egg!

This is absolutely awful. Firstly, if you take out a loan, that is NOT his debt, it will have your name on it and yours alone.

I don't know how much you're borrowing from him, but honestly, my partner would just give me it - never mind making a spreadsheet and then charging me interest.

I'd do the same for him, and paid his car off for him when he decided to pay off the finance rather than get a new agreement (but didn't have enough for all of it).

I don't really see the issue he has made a valid point and 150 extra over three years is extremely minimal. If you don't like then don't agree to his terms. And he will have to put up with the finance or lease.

The loan bit I can understand.

My and my DH have a shared savings pot that I the past I have used to buy luxuries for myself like a new saddle for my horse or a pair of expensive boots. Obviously I don't expect my husband to pay for this so I overpay into savings to pay off the 'loan' from the shared money.

However, things like cars are seen as shared assets and are pairs for by both. Seems odd that given the amount of savings you DH has, that he isn't willing to help you out if it means you continuing to work.

The interest bit also is a massive red flag. If he is such a high earner, why is he being so tight over £150?!

If he is this picky, I would make sure you get your maternity agreement with him in writing and have everything clarified before you even start trying for a baby!

Have a baby with him and you'll quickly see exactly how "generous" your husband really is. You'll be nothing more than a freeloader in his eyes. You will be regulated to being an indentured servant.

Think OP might be offended!

Don't breed with this man, his bloodline needs to end with him.

Do not have children with this cockwomble.

I think you should listen to your mother.

Tell your tight-fisted DH that you won’t be having children with him because he is financially abusive and ltb. Get a loan from the bank for your car.

Obviously I don't expect my husband to pay for this so I overpay into savings to pay off the 'loan' from the shared money. There’s no obviously about it. That’s just as skewed.

@Aquamarine1029 - this exactly. I learned from bitter experience

Well you seem more than happy to give him full control of this relationship. He decided when to start a family, he decided you don’t get a bank loan, he decided the maternity arrangements and will be the one to decide how much allowance you get....

You probably think you’re being strong and independent, you’re not. A strong independent person knows their value and doesn’t sell themselves short.

Let’s just hope 5 years down the line when your earning potential has been impacted by having kids whilst his has only increased, and you’re scraping by on the breadcrumbs he throws you, that you’re still happy he’s the one with all the control huh?

WTF. If your debt would be his debt, then his savings are yours as well. Like he quite rightly pointed, you’re married. It’s family savings.
I can not believe what a nasty, tight arse, mean, awful man he is.
Please think twice before having kids with this man. In fact, I’d think twice about the relationship if I were you.
What an absolute arsehole

WTF?! DH and I have technically separate finances even though we've been married for years, I have savings in my name (not anywhere near how much your dH has though!) which I've had since before I met him, he doesn't. So in your scenario I would "lend" him the money rather than give it to him, but it would be very much give me back what you can when you can so I can try and get the savings (which is basically a rainy day fund to cover both of us) back to the same level.

I think having a baby with him could potentially leave you in a very shaky position if this is how he is with money. Be careful.

My husband and I lent my sister money as her car needed replacing. We withdrew money from our excess repayments on our mortgage, this in effect cost us money as it wasn't saving us interest.

We charged her only for the car cost and swallowed the interest cost ourselves.

My husband is the sole income earner in our house, the money that comes in is our money, not just his. When my car needed replacing WE bought a new car from our savings.

Stoppinby we have done the same, it would never have crossed my mind to charge my brother interest. MIL did lend us some money once when we first were together and she used her ISA interest to top up her pension so we did pay her that as it was her income but I think that is different.

OP? Still awake? Any of this make sense?

Lots of people are commenting and giving you advice?

Please don't have a baby with this selfish man. He sounds terrible. Have my first ever LTB.

I've been on MN about 10 years - this is my very first LTB.
Run OP, Run for the hills.

Wonder if OP is starting to see her 'D'H the way hundreds of women on this thread do?!

Please tell me he’s not going to get you to sign a loan agreement as well. OP he is being ridiculous, how else is he with money?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money

OP, it sounds like he's already done a number on you and has groomed you into feeling grateful for the fact he's giving you any 'help'.

He said that if we were to have a child, we would work out an agreed amount that he would give me each month whilst I was on maternity leave

Yet another example of how his grooming is designed to chip away at you to the point that this highly unreasonable notion of paying you a monthly wage to stay at home and raise his child is acceptable.

You do realise that these won't be the only examples of his financial control, don't you, OP?

There are probably other things that you accept now because he's shamed you into feeling ungrateful if you question them. And there will be a million other ways he controls you once you have a child with him.

No, No, No. This is a very bad sign, and I'm with those who have said this is all going to blow up in your face when you're on maternity leave or start working part-time afterwards.

I hope you have a complex spreadsheet detailing what you will be charging him for the use of your body during pregnancy, compensation for risk to health/physical damage, loss of earnings, pensions contributions etc and that he has a plan detailing the parental leave he will take and the changes to his job to facilitate 50:50 care as obviously you’ll have to go back to work full time so you are never dependent on this tightwad?

What they said.

1. This is a family car. You might soon (but better not given all this!) be driving your DC around in it.
2. Loaning you money from the family pot is just weird and shows he doesn't see the family money as family money, and that is going to be a nightmare in the future. For most married couples on here, the cars are family assets and if one broke down, they would just buy another.
3. Charging you interest, especially such a petty sum, speaks of control, tightness and a type of cruelty. It feels almost like he's trying to punish you for needing the money.

I'm sorry but unless he seriously changes his attitude (he might just be being a bit dense), then you should not have children with him.

Echoing all the PPs: do not have children with this man. You will end up having to justify every penny you spend on them and maybe going without while he just sits on his savings.

As he's got enough savings to buy a small house, if you divorce him you should have enough from the settlement to buy you a small house!

If he wants you to pay interest on a loan, you might as well get the loan from the bank or finance company. If he doesn't want you to borrow from them because it reflects badly on them then he should just gift you the money FFS. The whole point of being married is it's a partnership. My DH and I keep our money separate but if he's skint because of circumstances like you describe and needs something I will just buy the thing he needs. He IBVU.

Start charging him an entrance fee.

What a mean man. Dont have children with him.

If you decide to thrash out the details of how it will work before you are pregnant. The childcare, pickups, who will pay for holidays, work part time, pension contributions, child benefit.

Be honest. Tell him his meanness over the car loan has made you want to check your both on the same page. Before you find yourself utterly trapped.