DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

I would genuinely leave him.

I agree with everyone else OP - this is not normal. It was my normal - because I grew up in a household like this. My father lent my mum the money - with interest - to buy a car in similar circumstances to yours. Interestingly when he mentioned it to work colleagues they were horrified and told him so so I think he dropped the interest bit. My father worked FT, my mum worked part-time and looked after me. But what was hers was his, and what was his was his too. It is financial abuse and as others have said you'd be crazy to have a child with him.

Fucking hell, I didn’t expect this level of response!!

This speaks volumes op. You literally can't it.

The response is huge because the red flags are glaring with big fucking lights on to everyone else.

He's telling you who he is....listen.

Can't see it*

Is this the first time you have noticed this OP ?

HIs very cheeky in my opinion.

I’m normally a bit of a Pollyanna but this is cracking my optimism bubble. Separate finances (before kids) is fine, but spreadsheets and interest isn’t. Those are the kind of loan terms I would apply to my 19 year old child, to teach them about fiscal responsibility (and I would return the ‘interest’ when they repaid the debt).

Imagine a future divorce - he’s got way more money than you and will obviously seek to protect it. He’ll be able to employ a fancy lawyer (and matching accountant to help hide his assets). He’ll be able to offer your future kids a nicer home in a plusher area, and as he seems to like control his fancy lawyer will get him access arrangements on his terms. You’d be fucked.

Besides all that, no one is responsible for their spouse’s debt in the U.K., unless they co-signed for it.

www.contactlaw.co.uk/faqs-liability-debts-spouse-partner.html

Oh wow. Haven’t read whole thread but if it were me I’d divorce the prick and rinse him for as much money as I could. What an arse.

I would leave. You are not a team, he is happy to see you struggle while he sits with his money pot, throwing you a bone when you're really desperate. To me it sounds like if you have a child with him he wouldn't consider you a family, but the woman he is paying have his child. Noone should live like this.

Divorce him and you'll get half of the savings and be able to buy a car. I'm being flippant - but he's clearly ridiculous and didn't really understand the vows he made when you got married, nor the financial consequences.

Question to the OP -

Are you allowed to see his bank statements?

He'll get worse as he gets older. I've seen this a number of times with clients (IFA) and I can tell you it leads to financial abuse. All 3 of my clients have now left most probably from my shock at what they put up with

It is not normal.

All that I have I share with you. Remember that bit. Team work.

Do not have a baby with this man. You'll look back on this thread with sadness one day if you do.

So you share meals out and he shows how generous he is in front of friends.

Does putting a set amount every month into your account means he will see DC as your responsibility?

You do, all the school runs, sick leave etc. With the knock on affect this has on your earning potential, pension etc?

I would think long and hard before having DC in this relationship.

he is a twat. do not start a family with him..how would you cover mat leave and nursery fees - with another generous loan from him?

Besides, whilst his saving are his money right now, it would be part of the marital assets if you file for divorce. This may be an idea how to gain a car and get rid this prick!

Divorce him and you'll get half of the savings and be able to buy a car

Which is exactly what one of my clients is doing now. Half of his precious savings, half of his precious rental, half of his precious pension.

Please consider leaving him. This has all the hallmarks of financial abuse and you will find yourself in a nightmare once you have children.

What an absolute arse ...

An allowance?

OP, this is not normal. It's also not OK.

He keeps you from The Money, if you have babies he has you on a tight leash by 'allowing me you a certain amount.

And only an arsehole would make you pay ANY of the money back from his large pot of funds for the car that you need to work and making a living.

It doesn't matter how 'nice' and 'generous' he normally is. Because what is far far louder is that he's a financially controlling bastard.

You're going to end up posting about how he's on 3x your salary but has said you need to pay half the childcare fees. For sure.

Doesn't sound like you're interested in considering how tight he is being.

You wouldn't have made this thread if you thought that he was fair to add interest onto a loan to his wife.

Fucking hell thats awful. Don't have a family with this man he's lacking the basic emotions that he's needs to be a family man.

He is your husband! He should obviously buy you the car.

No he bloody well shouldn't. She should be able to, subject to reasonable discussion as normal couples would have, buy a car out of their money. There is no my money and your money in a true marriage.

Haven't read the threat (!?)

But I'm assuming someone has asked if he's aware of the horrible truth that as you're his wife its half your money??

WTF what kind of partnership is this?!

You are married. Surely all money is shared equally between you.

Wow. That's unbelievable. Has he ever been this way before about money?! Tell him no, that you will get a loan yourself elsewhere.

Oh OP

I don’t think I could be married to someone who gave me “an allowance”

Think long and hard before you have a baby with this man.