DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

In this situation and if he had the money my husband would just buy me a car. We have separate bank accounts but also a joint account for mortgage, bills etc. I had to go into my overdraft this month due to unexpected expenses and DH is going to pay this off for me when he gets paid at the end of the month and wouldn't dream of asking for it back but knows I'd do the same for him. This is normal IMO. What you have described is very concerning and you should think carefully before starting a family as you'll end up resenting him so much. You need a proper conversation with him about this.

Well bearing in mind your car will probably be used to ferry around your joint future child, perhaps he can give you half the money and interest free loan you the rest.

I’d be interested to know how long he’d be prepared to support you during maternity leave for. 1 year, 5 years, part time till the children are teens?

Tell him you're sorting the car by yourself. He lost all ability to claim you're taking on debt as a partnership when he wanted to loan you money in a way that doesn't scream partnership.

If I was a high earner with that amount of savings and my partner needed a car for their business it would not be a loan. It would be supporting my partner with their business. If my partner wanted a loan for a holiday, that would be different. However, there still would not be interest on that loan.

He is caring and generous, maybe but he makes damn sure he's in control of everything he just does it all with a smile on his face so you feel like there's nothing to complain about
He treats you like an employee that means he will dismiss you if he sees fit, be very careful don't give away your power to this man.

But it's not a gift, it's a family asset???

You are trying to justify his tightness OP.

Wow run :o my and my husband think its pretty amusing but really wrong

Fuck no!
He is sitting on a very tidy six figure sum in savings and he won't buy a car for you? Spending less than 10 percent of it in all probability?
My DH can be on the 'careful' side ☺️but he wouldn't get away with something like this.
It doesn't sound like you're in à partnership at all - what will happen about all the household expenditure, never mind your loan repayments, when you go on maternity leave?

Well it looks like you'll have to just put up with it then if you're excusing it

Personally I'd just get the loan from the bank. Resentment each time you pay him back could have a lasting effect, especially as he's charging interest.

He said that if we were to have a child, we would work out an agreed amount that he would give me each month whilst I was on maternity leave and he would put it in my account each month. I said yes, but how much would that be as I suspect we have differing views on what would be acceptable. He said it would be enough for ‘luxuries’ each month like new clothes and a hair cut, not just the basics for the baby

Words are cheap, if he goes back on that then you're stuck. I'd be looking at his actions presently rather than some unknown amount he's promised you if you sprog his kid. You'll be trapped with a man who charges his wife interest on a loan out of his massive savings.

Sorry, but the early comment of Watching with interest made me chuckle ...

He could buy a car but keep it in his name.

Though obviously he's a wanker. My dp of 8m has offered me an interest free loan, though I know he'd rather just give me money I need. I actually don't need any money so not really sure why he offered it, but anyway......

It's actually scary that you typed you're grateful to him for going to give you a loan... seriously??!! You're married. You're meant to be a partnership, a team. He's your husband. Your life partner. Not your flaming bank manager! Crazy. Why on earth are you married? And even more scary you're going to bring innocent children into this awful relationship. It will only get worse then, you see it day in day out here.

Oh, and a second lump sum to match what he’d have lost over the course of his career had he been the one to interrupt his career: he’s only making that thanks to you!

He's entitled to put conditions on money he is lending BUT I could not be with someone like this.

A relationship - for me - means you are a team. You pull together not against each other. This is not being a team. This is every man for himself.

I would not expect this to get any better post children and would be concerned about it getting much worse.

Thinking about this one - if my car died the only discussion would be about what car to buy, price, etc., there'd be no discussion at all about loans from anywhere if the money was sat there waiting. DH and I have swung between who is the highest earner, it's made no difference to how the income is managed.

In these circumstances my DH would be buying me a car.
This really isn’t right OP and if you end up on mat leave at some point will this tightwad be charging your interest to support you and his child?
Be grateful he’s shown his true colours before you are pg

Your friend is an arse.

As is your husband.

This is bonkers. I can understand in a second or subsequent marriage, where kids are involved, keeping finances separate to an extent. But you are supposed to be building a life and family together. He shouldn't be buying you a car from his savings, as a couple you should be using the savings you have as joint assets to buy a car that you use. Because you need it. Regardless of who earns more. And I say this as the high earner in our family. Joint accounts all the way, shares responsibility. No one takes turns to pay, all the money is both of ours.

He shouldn't be giving you money each month. Your money is his money and yours is his. Just get a joint account. He can have his own too if that's what he wants. Also what about after mat leave? Progression can be compromised, you might want to go part time, baby might have additional needs.

If you got divorced you could take half his savings and buy yourself a car. Just a though.

So his debt is half yours but his savings are all his and despite having a house worth of savings in his bank he was happy for you to drive around in something that kept breaking down constantly?

That does not sound right in a marriage.

Please please dont have kids with this man. This place is full of threads from women in a similar situation who are trying to leave as they can't take it any more. What normally seems to happen -
Average or above average (but not mega high earning) woman marries very high earning man
Man has lots of savings and doesn't share but woman is ok as has her own money and has always been financially independent
Woman earns enough to pay her share of mortgage but this means she doesnt have any savings
Woman gets pregnant and if all begins to go wrong. Despite wanting a family and often pressuring the woman to have a child, the man expects the woman to still pay her share or resents paying more.
Woman drops down hours or has to cut back on work after maternity leave because mans job is so very important he cant ever do nursery pick ups or drop offs or take days off when sick (or when wife is sick, leaving them just out of hospital or puking and looking after ill children)
Woman struggles for years because husband gives her an allowance from his salary but its tiny and he expects all thr kids stuff to be paid from this.
Man spends lots of time on hobbies and weekends away because he earns and works so hard he 'needs a break'
Man has woman trapped through financial abuse and starts treating her badly in other ways. He demands she gets a job that fits in completely with school hours or starts a business from home as he says she 'isn't contributing' (despite looking after kids full time and doing 100pc of household chores). Man starts resenting woman for being 'lazy and sitting around all day doing nothing for years'
Man genuinely doesn't seem to see that his career has been facilitated by his wife who has given up some of her career to be at home for kids when he wasnt, and doesnt appreciate the effect that having kids that he wanted so much, had on her earning potential at all
Woman gets so sick of being married to a high earner but not being able to afford a meal out or a hair cut and leaves when kids are older. It turns out man has anticipated this and has hidden money in offshore accounts. Man continues to live alone in 5 bed luxury family home while she moves into a rented flat and sleeps on sofa.

This happens time and time again on here and for a lot of people the warning signs were there. This is one of them

This is not normal, if I was struggling and without a car, my DP would pay for it for me, we earn similar amounts.

Think long and hard before you get pregnant OP, personally I'd be leaving well before that happened and making sure I got everything I was entitled to

Spoke to a friend about it this morning and she said ‘Well as you know, I’m the higher earner in my marriage and I’m not sure I’d want to just gift ‘XXXX’ (husband) x amount out of my savings to buy him a car. I’d probably want it paid back too

IMO She's weird too. My husband needed a new car and it was paid for with money from the savings accounts in my name. I don't expect him to pay it back because it was just as much his money as mine to start with, just as the car is just as much mine as his.

What a twat!!!
£150 per month above what you agreed, to allow for interest, over 3 years= £5,400!!!! I would rather take the lease or bank loan.

Before kids, you need to sit down and understand how they'll be financed. Will he "loan" you the money to cover your maternity leave? or maybe consider telling him that as you won't get maternity leave you will go back to work after 1 month and he'll need to take a career break or STICK HIS HAND IN HIS TIGHTWAD POCKET and do what's right for his family!!!

I unexpectedly needed a new car before xmas - hubby and I looked at what we had - he said 'stop faffing, get the more expensive one' and he paid for it. He refers to it as my car, it's in my name, we are a partnership.

Your current situation is hopefully a big enough eye opener for you to realise that having kids will create massive financial rows and potential hardship (hardship for you and the kids - not him).

Oh yikes.
I know not everyone believes in a couple sharing finances but this is pretty extreme!

And the idea of him giving you an allowance for a baby is just weird to me. I'm sure some people make it work but this guy just seems cheap and controlling.

Find a different way to get a car. And then maybe couples counselling. Or a lawyer.
Maybe I'm just weird but if I had enough in the bank to buy a small house I dont think I'd think twice about buying my DP a poxy car!