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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Downside of dog ownership

171 replies

TheFastandTheCurious · 22/01/2020 10:22

A colleague's husband wants a puppy, colleague doesn't, I've told her to not even consider getting one if they don't agree on it. She wants her husband to understand why she doesn't want one and the downsides of dog ownership, I have a dog and as much as I love her, I wouldn't get another. They both work full time. She wants me to get a list together to show the cons and so far I have cost - including food, insurance, vet bills etc., dog hair everywhere, giving up a lot of time to train, toilet training, not being able to leave the dog for long periods, what will they do when they want a holiday, who is going to train it, what will they do when at work.

He wants to just go and buy a Golden Retriever, I've said any reputable breeder would have a waiting list and he'd potentially be getting one from a BYB or farm.

What else am I forgetting?

OP posts:
Warmworm · 22/01/2020 11:48

For me, as a PP said, it’s the emotional attachment and the guilt if you leave them. You’re their whole world and that’s a big responsibility. You become so close but then you have to watch them grow old and die. I’ll never really enjoy a foreign holiday again as I’m too aware of my dog pining for me! We can’t go on days out without taking her as we’d never leave her all day alone. That means lots of places are off limits, or one of us stays behind.

iswhois · 22/01/2020 11:51

Honestly I have no downsides.

There are the odd annoyances like destruction of their bed and the occasional accident, barking incessantly at the television. But these are vastly outweighed and my pugs are the light of my life.

Instead of the negatives of dog ownership I would focus on the negatives of their living arrangements with regards to a dogs welfare. It's not fair on the animal.

Myearsareburningagain · 22/01/2020 11:52

Taking time off work for operations for the dog.

When my dog had cancer, she had to have an operation to remove her mammary glands on the left side.

This was the year we got married (just after we got married) and I didn’t factor that in with my holidays so I had barley any holiday time left to watch her 24/7, neither did DH so had to ask my family members to watch the dog

fridgegrazer · 22/01/2020 11:52

I was like your friend - DH (now ex) wanted a dog, I wasn't so keen as was inexperienced. We didn't have dogs growing up and he did, so I believed him.

It was amazing how quite by chance all the literally shit jobs seemed to fall to me - I was first back home to be greeted with shit and/or vomit and the usual damage to our house. She ripped our house apart basically. I was first up - to be greeted with shit/vomit/damage etc.

Then I was on maternity leave dealing with double shits/vomits.

We had 2 dogs whilst we were married and he left whilst the last one was getting on a bit - she lived three or four years after he left - but I have never entertained getting another one. He, on the other hand, has several and I hear that their house is ... not very clean. Not surprisingly if his wife does the same as he does.

I am so glad I have no more

Picking up poo
Cleaning up poo
Cleaning up sick
Coming in to furniture etc chewed and/or ripped to shreds.

Straycatstrut · 22/01/2020 11:56

For kennels for me this year is half the price of my total holiday for 1 adult, 2 kids. I stupidly didn't realise most holiday places don't allow dogs on the fields/beaches during peak summer. Makes sense though. The kennels looks like a holiday place for dogs though so I'm hoping she'll love it and make friends Grin.

She molts...maults? Malts? everywhere. My dyson struggles.

She goes on walks and comes back filthy and stinking every single
She HATES baths. I rub her down after but she still manages to get everything wet. Wet dog smell after the bath smells worse than she did before whens she was muddy!!

The pooing on the grass. You won't believe how much there is to pick up DAILY. And that's with 2-3 walks. They won't always poo on their walks.

Actually the picking up the poo full stop. They will poo anywhere. In the house for the first few weeks. And wee. And the wee patch is hard to find but you can smell it!

She's still my best friend though. I enjoy the walks as much as she does. The company when I'm in the house so much is lovely Grin. The greetings!! Grin When I go to college in sept my parents (mum retired young) will be walking her too, we agreed when we bought her, we all paid towards her and she adores them.

But it IS like having a baby - well more like a hyper toddler. I wouldn't do it unless I had tons of spare time or family willing to help out.

stophuggingme · 22/01/2020 11:57

It is not having a dog that is the problem it’s the fact one doesn’t want one and they are both out all day

I have a dog she’s almost eight and I have had her from 13 weeks old. She has honestly brought nothing but positive things into my life and I love her dearly. If you aren’t able or prepared to care properly for a dog then don’t have one : but that is not your problem not a presenting issue with the dog itself

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 22/01/2020 11:57

This is ridiculous. You cannot have a dog if one partner deosnt want one. It doesnt work. Its like forcing someone to have a child. She should just say no she doesnt want one and they both work, The first two years aod a puppy are a massive commitment. Just NO

Beautiful3 · 22/01/2020 11:58

If they're noth working full.time then no they shouldn't get a dog. Unless they pay for a dog Walker. He will need 3 walks a day, otherwise he will destroy the home.

Ceci03 · 22/01/2020 12:01

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! lol. Maybe persuade him to look for a rescue. You could get a house-trained calmer dog, and would be able to skip all the puppy stage. Definitely don't just go out and get a dog - it's a huge commitment - from someone who loves dogs.

AllideasAndNoAction · 22/01/2020 12:06

Leaving a puppy alone all day while they both work FT really is t fair on the poor baby and they are likely to come home to a shredded house and a very stressed and over excitable dog who has weed and pooed everywhere. . If they really want a dog they should consider getting an older rescue who is just happy to have a family and can cope with longer periods alone.

HaudMaDug · 22/01/2020 12:07

Putting the costs associated with DDog ownership aside.
The emotional cost and time required is more important.
I've recently had to let my old guy go(Black lab). It was heartbreaking but for the first time in my life I am without a dog and I had never realised how much time I gave up to my DDog until I had to fill this time in myself. I loed my DDog routine though.
Even if Dpup trains easily and can get past puppy chewing without event then your Ddog still needs your attention for a good 3 hours a day. Most bad behaviour in pups is caused by lack of attention from owners and lack of purpose for your dog due to their boredom. There is no use sending a Ddog to a sitter/trainer if there is no consistancy at home with the routine and that means both your colleague and her DH have to be on the same page regardless of whether she feels its his Dog so his responsibility. Dogs thrive on routine and any change can cause behavioural problems.
I'm no expert but I've had working dogs all my life and between walking 1 hour twice a day followed time spent by cleaning of the paws etc every time we come home I have given 3 hours a day to my DDogs.
The atmosphere in the house also needs to be relaxed as DDogs are quick to pick up on tension and upset between their humans which unsettles them too. So one resenting the other over the DDog is a recipe for disaster.
Luckily I've always been in a position where my DDog went to work and on holiday with me but even the odd night out has been on limited time. Can't/wouldn't just stop over at a friends after an unexpected late night. Need to get home for my DDog.
Can't just take your DDog when you go to visit friends. Not everyone likes your DDog. (Even if they do say they don't mind).
Then there is children to consider. If they don't already have kids then bringing a child into DDogs house is another set of life rules for DDog to adapt to. Its not easy teaching an old DDog new tricks.

floffel · 22/01/2020 12:10

@LolaSmiles

exercise requirements: there's always people who'll say they have a big dog and they are a lovely lazy dog who doesn't pester for long walks and will sit on the sofa all day, but how much of that is because the poor dog has resigned themselves to bring cooped up indoors because their owners can't be arsed to walk them properly?

^^ This a million times

Smartanimal · 22/01/2020 12:11

Having a dog is like having a child. Massive commitment.

Kokeshi123 · 22/01/2020 12:13

While I know there are lots of women who want and love dogs, I have seen SO many couples where the guy talked the woman into accepting a dog against her better judgment, and the woman was the one who wound up (mostly) taking care of it.

Pointing out the dog hair, poo and slobber may not make much impact on the guy if he is assuming that SHE is the one who is going to do the cleaning-up, walking and other chores.

yellowallpaper · 22/01/2020 12:15

Dog poo. Otherwise nothing. Dogs are all love and cuddles, oh and a few muddy paws.

Mordred · 22/01/2020 12:15

If only one person in the relationship wants a dog, then don't get one.

It's not fair on the person who's going to be lumped with sharing a house with a demanding animal they don't want. It's not fair on the dog either.

I was in a situation like this, years ago, living with someone who decided she wanted a dog while I really didn't. We split up over it. I didn't mind; rather that than try to compromise over something that really has no compromise.

sueelleker · 22/01/2020 12:18

I was going to suggest fostering, but if they both work I don't think anyone would let them.

OnlyTheTitOfTheLangBerg · 22/01/2020 12:19

There are downsides to dog ownership - having to go for walks in lashing horizontal rain, no lie-ins because the dog needs to be let out to pee, the hair (especially with a GR), the mess, wet dog coming in and shaking itself before you get a towel to it, muddy pawprints everywhere (especially with a GR), the expense, the lack of spontaneity, the emotional investment required especially if the dog develops any kind of behavioural problems, the chewing (especially with a GR) etc etc. If everyone in a household is committed to getting a dog you can overcome those, knowing the benefits in terms of companionship and affection outweigh them. But everyone in your friend's household isn't committed and so there should be no dog, especially not with both working full time.

CakeAndGin · 22/01/2020 12:20

I know a lot of these will have been said but it’s just easier for me to list all of them.

Cost: food (especially if they have allergies), insurance. Vet bills (flea treatment, worming, vaccinations, medications as they age and those emergency vet visits that aren’t worth claiming on your insurance but are still £300-400). Doggy day care/dog walker (trusting them to do their job). Toys, balls, chews, crates (home/car). Puppy proofing (fixing any holes in the fence/gate), cost of damaged goods (things chewed when puppy, stuff they knock off with their tails or charging round). Training (to get a well trained dog it costs a hell of a lot of money - our training is £80-100 per 6 weeks and realistically she needed to go to training for at least a year), plus any additional costs of activities (if you get into agility, flyball, rally, fun dog, sport, they all cost money). Parking when you want to take the dog somewhere and you’re bored of walking around your village (if you’re like us you can add in cake and drink too). Beds (puppies need small beds and then bigger beds but most dogs will chew at least one bed). Waterproof gear for you (night already have boots but these all get worn out quicker). Shampoo, grooming, brushes, nail clippers.

Time - training, lots of it, for at least a year. With practice at home and on walks. Taking them for a walk. Walking them in the snow, rain, wind, fog. Waking up at 4/5am to walk then when it’s cooler in the summer and too hot during the day When they are puppies, you can’t take them that far but they still need to burn off energy so you need to do obedience and play with them. Grooming, bathing, brushing. Cleaning up after them. Working out your schedules to make sure someone comes home for the dog. Planning logistics of what to do with the dog if you want to go out after work for leaving drinks or the Christmas do.

Getting up in the night to toilet train them.

If they don’t shed, they’ll need brushing more regularly. We have a cockapoo and she doesn’t shed but she’d like a bloody microfibre cloth. Everything gets stuck in her fur.

Dogs being dogs. Splashing in puddles. Swimming in the river. Swimming in the farmers ditch. Rolling in fox poo. Chasing you to eat the horse poo. Going outside, eating the neighbours cat’s poo and then breathing on your face. Disappearing under a hedge and coming out with twigs and mud everywhere. Finding the deepest, muddiest part of the field, running to it, looking back to you with a look that says “you can’t stop me” before lying down and rolling in it. Having their prey drive kick in on a walk and hunting (and potentially killing) something on a walk. Farting. Being sick then eating it. Being sick and not being able to move them outside because they’re dead weights.

Mud, dirt, dust on your walls, floors, sofas and beds if they’re allowed on there. Nose marks ok glass window panes if they can reach. It’s very hard to be house proud with a dog.

The smell of treats and chews 🤢

Dog-friendly places. I live in a dog friendly town yet there are still many shops where one of us is stood outside while the other pops into Boots or WHSmith. Making sure that 90% of the places you eat are dog friendly. Sometimes that means sitting outside even if it’s cold. Holidays - usually means taking them with you but otherwise someone needs to look after it/need to be happy putting in kennels (additional cost). You go to a dog friendly B&B or stay at relatives who don’t have dogs, you worry about your dog trashing the place with their mud/drool/tail.

My mum had a retriever, so for those specifically:

Fur - retrievers shed so much. There will be white dog hair on everything. Couch (even if they aren’t allowed up), all over the car, work clothes, clothes when you’re going to a wedding or funeral. If they have laminate/wood flooring, it’ll gather as tumbleweeds behind the door. If carpet, they need a strong hoover and realistically they will be running a damp cloth over carpet to pull up dog fur. My mum’s dog had visited our house about three times before she died last year - we’re still finding fur.

Hip and leg problems. Retrievers can huge issues with their hips and legs. Mum’s dog had 3 operations on her hips or tendons in her legs (thankfully insured). The dog had arthritis at the end of her life as a result of the issues with her legs. In hindsight, we probably got the dog from a puppy farm - so the husband needs to be looking into health checking of pups. As the dog’s legs got worse, it meant my mum having to lift the dog into the car. So realistically they need to be able to lift a 30-40kg dog in and out of the car/house when they are 10-15 years older.

MaxPaddyandHarry · 22/01/2020 12:23

Dog poo in the garden is the biggest downside for me. Not too bad in summer, but this time of year bleugh.
Also our dog is old and could fart for Britain.

Wexone · 22/01/2020 12:25

Basically its like having another child in your life. It requires alot of work and impacts your life every day. It has to be fed walked etc and thats just the basics. You dont leave it for long period of times, if you work full time it needs to be minded, when you go on holidays what do you do with it? You need to put it in kennels or looked after by somone. You can not do anything spontanouse. Then you have the vet bills. Also dogs can live till they're 18 years old. I am a dog lover and would't be without one. But i describe it to people (who have never owned a dog) thats its like having another child who never grows up. your friend should not consider geting a dog at all. Both sides need to be aware of the responsibilty of looking after a dog

Rainbunny · 22/01/2020 12:28

I'm a dog owner and while I absolutely love my dog to bits I will not be getting another dog after he passes on.

As I'm sure many other posters have noted - the lack of freedom to be spontaneous, the cost and hassle of arranging care if you want to go anywhere, the very real chance of high vets bills - yes even if you have a pet insurance plan. If you rent or may rent at some point in the future it will severely limit your options and you'll end up paying more to rent with a pet, and lastly, you may end up being hated by all your neighbours if your dog turns out to be very vocal when you're not home.

As I said, I love my dog and I would run into a burning building to save him but after having him for nearly a decade (he could live another 8 years if he continues in his excellent health), I won't lie, there's a part of me that seriously looks forward to the freedom I'll regain once he passes on.

Which brings me to another point, ask your friend honestly if she believes the care and duties of having a dog will be evenly split between her and her DH. In my house, over time it has somehow become my major responsibility, partly because of my schedule but also because frankly I am the one who remembers to get food, prescriptions, make grooming/vets appointments, also I get up earlier than my DH so guess who does most of the walks. Your friend needs to be absolutely honest with herself, if she knows in her heart of hearts that's how it will end up then she needs to hold her ground because the unequal division in labour will cause some serious resentment.

Basically dogs are wonderful companions, they will brighten a dull or stressful day and will love you completely but it's essentially like having a baby or young child that depends upon you completely but will never grow up ro become less dependent.

ChubbyMummy12 · 22/01/2020 12:28

I love my Dog but I'd never have another.
The vet bills, he goes through the bin and drags it all over the place silly twat, he licks his bits SO loudly, he eats noisily- chamming and lip smacking kind of noises , his farts stink, he poo's loads, he smells because he's old, he's very needy and always in your face wanting attention, he's quite poorly at the moment with possibly Bell's palsy or a brain tumour, it's cost over £1500 since December at the vets, and because he's poorly it's stressful because he needs someone watching him because he's falling over and he's wonky, I love him dearly, but I'd never get another

Dilovescake21 · 22/01/2020 12:29

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE warn your colleague about Insurance costs and vets' bills!

My dog (Labrador Retriever)is now 12 years old. When I got her the insurance premium was approx£60 a year - It's NOW £185 PER MONTH!!! Just because she is old and has had a few episodes of pancreatitis (unfortunately not uncommon in dogs) I cannot change insurance companies as no one will touch a dog with pre existing conditions. She was sick (vomiting and runny tummy) last weekend and it cost £700 for emergency vet treatment. The insurance will cover most of it but when her next renewal comes up It will be too expensive. Please warn your colleague that my experience is not an isolated one - you only have to look at online forums to see how expensive vet treatment and insurance is. I absolutely love dogs but won't have another one after this as to me they are now a "luxury" item which I can't afford. She also has to have special low fat food which is 4 times the price of normal dog food.

AryaStarkWolf · 22/01/2020 12:32

Which brings me to another point, ask your friend honestly if she believes the care and duties of having a dog will be evenly split between her and her DH.

But it shouldn't be split at all if the OPs friend doesn't want the dog, the DH should have 100% of the responsibility.