Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Annoyed with DH

141 replies

Rosebel · 21/01/2020 20:41

Still suffering morning (all day) sickness although not every day. Had it bad today and still my husband invited his mother round for tea. I assumed that he would cook, knowing I felt shit which he did after I asked him.
When he gave his mum the pie he said sorry there's no veg because I hadn't cooked any. He then sat down with his tea and I said did he do anything for me and he said no

I didn't want to make a scene in front of his mum so am just sat here feeling hungry. I just feel like he has no concept of how I feel. But maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable and lazy. Maybe I should have cooked tea and made sure he did veg? Maybe I should have asked if he was doing me some tea?
I feel like he deliberately did a poor job to prove he's incapable and I should do everything but perhaps that's unfair. I don't know I just feel like he's pissing me off a lot at the moment but could just be that I'm being a bitch. Am I right to feel pissed off or does your partner need things spelling out for them? I'm less annoyed he didn't cook for me, I'm more annoyed he expected me to cook and entertain his mother who I'm barely talking to anyway.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 21/01/2020 21:22

Tell him he did such a good job cooking, he now gets promoted to 3 meals a week, oh and breakfast on day a weekend.
Ask what he is planning for Thursday nights tea.

queenqueenqueen · 21/01/2020 21:22

Wow!!! OMG id be so so pissed off. What an arse

CalleighDoodle · 21/01/2020 21:23

Wtf?! I agree with a pp that he is punishing you for not cooking for his mum.

Do you both work? What division of household chores is normal?

Annasgirl · 21/01/2020 21:23

Oh OP, I’m as stunned as everyone else - and why did his mother not ask him what he had made for you? Honestly, I would leave. You already are so ground down that you need to ask are You being unreasonable- no dear, but he definitely is.

OlaEliza · 21/01/2020 21:24

But maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable and lazy. Maybe I should have cooked tea and made sure he did veg? Maybe I should have asked if he was doing me some tea?

Should you fuck! What kind of a man doesn't cook his pg wife/gf dinner?? He's a fucking disgrace.

RedskyAtnight · 21/01/2020 21:24

When I had bad morning sickness there was no way I could have faced food, so depending on what you said to him, I actually think not realising you wanted dinner was a reasonable assumption.

I'm not sure why you didn't point out that he was the one cooking when he blamed you for no veg ... or at least made a pseudo joke about it?

Whynosnowyet · 21/01/2020 21:26

Actually look at it like he has shot himself in the foot.
Tell him he can continue to feed himself....
You can conjure yourself something nice and he can't show you he can cook now can he? Slop forever...

wildcherries · 21/01/2020 21:26

Twat. And his mum seems a delight...

Singlenotsingle · 21/01/2020 21:27

He loves you, doesn't he? Doesn't he? He's not behaving like a man who loves his wife and wants to look after her and make her happy. He's behaving like a man who's throwing his toys out of the pram because he's not being made a fuss of. You need a serious talk with this manchild.

Curiosity101 · 21/01/2020 21:27

He just said as I was too ill to cook he thought I was too sick to eat.

My DH is wonderful, I love him to pieces and he was incredibly supportive throughout my whole pregnancy. However I could still believe he could come out with something like this. I do believe men genuinely are wired differently. Something will seem incredibly obvious to me and yet he meets me with a very puzzled expression like I'm talking another language. I remember one day (while pregnant) I asked him to bring me a cheese and pickle baguette from Greggs, they didn't have any so he brought me a cheese and ham toastie and a wrap of the day from McDonalds. I really really really wanted to say thank you to him... but pretty sure I had a face like thunder as the only thing I could stomach the thought of was the baguette.

If this is reasonably out of character then I'd definitely be explaining to him how he's made you feel. Also... order yourself something nice to eat. If this isn't out of character - calmly explain to him that if he thinks it's bad now then just wait till the newborn arrives.

Hope your morning sickness eases soon - I had 24/7 morning sickness (although never actually sick) so I feel your pain. I practically ate nothing but pan au chocolat, croissants, cheese on toast and cheese sandwiches from week 7 through to 18.

Berrymuch · 21/01/2020 21:27

I think he's pissed off that he has to do more since I got pregnant..

Should be fun once baby is here.

OlaEliza · 21/01/2020 21:28

If my dh had done that with the veg, (there's none cos eliza didn't sort it/tell me to cook it) his mother would have handed him his arse on a plate!

Rosebel · 21/01/2020 21:30

His mum thinks he's wonderful because he cooked. I knew she wouldn't say anything anyway. She really doesn't like me.
Sometimes he can be lovely and generous but he is lazy. So I know he's annoyed he has to do more.

OP posts:
Pumpkintopf · 21/01/2020 21:31

If this is part of a larger pattern of behaviour you need to have a serious conversation with him. Are you a team or not? You'll need to be once the baby arrives.

MashedSpud · 21/01/2020 21:35

Good luck with that one sharing parental responsibilities.

TheReef · 21/01/2020 21:37

So you're ill, he makes a half hearted dinner after being asked to, because you're ill, and he doesn't make you any!! Ffs what an arsehole... tbh I'd make myself a lovely tea tomorrow, sit and eat it and not make him any!

sarahjconnor · 21/01/2020 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stephminx · 21/01/2020 21:39

WTF ? Good lord woman.

I can’t even begin to start with all that’s wrong here.

But no, YA definitely NBU !

Rosebel · 21/01/2020 21:43

Actually I know he would be really annoyed if I didn't cook him any tea and probably say well I'm not being sick
We both work although he does do more hours than me but then I do pretty much everything at home.

OP posts:
MoonGeek · 21/01/2020 21:46

He is horrible. And how can his mother just sit back and watch him cook a dinner that doesn't include his pregnant wife and say nothing. Outrageous!

Sorry to say OP it will only get worse

TheReef · 21/01/2020 21:48

I'd suggest you get this shit sorted before the baby arrives. Otherwise you're back on here in 12 months, asking if yabu being annoyed at your dh, as all he does is go to work and his hobby, he's never got up with the baby, hasn't cooked a meal since the dc was born, your mil is a pain in the arse as she mother's home, and you have no free time as you're doing all the childcare and house/wife work.

Wildorchidz · 21/01/2020 21:48

So what about your older kids? Did he cook for them?

pointythings · 21/01/2020 21:50

That's really not on and you need to have a serious conversation with him about what it means to 1) have a pregnant wife and 2) be a father. I had really bad all day sickness too - the difference was my husband cooked all the meals (because if I cooked, I definitely couldn't eat) and made me endless batches of home made tomato sauce because that (with lentils/rice/pasta/potatoes and some cheese) was pretty much all I could stand to eat.

smartiecake · 21/01/2020 21:51

Well he is a charmer. What about when the baby comes? Will he expect you to do everything then?

Tiredmum100 · 21/01/2020 21:53

He's a dick. I can't say more than that really. He needs a good kick up the arse.