Can you help me learn to be thrifty

[missnotsomoneypenny]

I've name changed so this isn't linked to my usual name. Please be kind, I am not on my arse, nor is this a begging thread. Think of it as how you'd teach your teen child to budget their pocket money.....

Execept... Im 33. Ive cleared off my overdraft which was £400 with some good slogging. I'm proud of that.

I underbudgetted and overspent during Jan forgetting it was a 5 week month and have had to ask my Mum to come to my aid and fill my car with petrol as I get paid Friday and my reserve light was on.

Whilst she was happy to help out, I feel shit because I'm already £60 down (I lent £30 from her over the last 2 weeks) before I even get paid. Fortunately I get a bonus this month which will cover that £60 but it's not the point.

Regardless of rights and wrongs, mine and my husbands finances are separate. That's how we've always been and how we function. As such, I don't talk about my money with him and vice versa. We have a joint account with a chunk of savings in and investments too.

So I guess it's not really a major issue to some but i find myself short at the end of each month.

I get say £1,100 as a salary. from that I take out approx 150 to cover my own direct debits which come from my bank such as car tax, car insurance, fuel. I then take £200 for myself for the month. This money is to do what I like with but more often than not is spent on bits for us as a family (wine, bread, milk etc) and I find myself short.

I often don't have anything to show for the £200 and I would like to get myself out of this cycle I am in.

I'm proud I've cleared my overdraft and would like to nail this spending habit I have.

I may pop to the garage for milk and I will spend £5 on stuff - treats for my son like fruit, and pop for myself.

My husband spends barely anything - he's not tight but just doesn't fritter it like I do. He went to the shop for milk, got milk and 2 small cakes that probbaly came to a total of £2. I would have spent more...

So, if you can help me and lead me in the right direction, I;d be really grateful.

Seriously? You've got an account with savings in but are borrowing money from your mum? And you don't discuss finances with your husband?

That's a crazy set up, is there a reason you don't share finances with him?

I wouldn't expect to have £200 left to fritter out of £1100 each month.

Also, don't keep nipping to the shop. Meal plan, properly budget, don't think "oh, it's only £2" as it all adds up.

I'm sorry but I just can't get my head around your financial set up! You borrowed from your mother but don't discuss money with your husband???
I think you need to both sit down and look at the household budget and go from there.

Do you log spending? I've found that so helpful.

@crustycrab and @CwtchesCuddles as I said, it is purely my own spending money - but often i get household things from it.

@BoxedWine No, I think I did a long time ago.

I was thinking maybe have £10 in my purse, leave my card at home - remove my googlepay app... so it can literally be spent on milk, bread, no treats.

I feel ashamed about all of this. Sadly I have got into the comfort zoe that we have savings so it'll all be fine. But that's not the point. It wont be fine because those savings are to pay our holiday off, and to put a sum into the house.

I genuinely need tips so please don't be arsey with me.

Definitely log everything - £200 is a lot to fritter in a month so where is it actually going? I'm trying a very low spend month this January and I've probably spent less than £20 on "stuff" - and that still includes grabbing a couple of coffees out of the house, buying a magazine for DD etc, a beer or two at the pub one evening. So not living completely joylessly!

Sounds insane. However, as a veteran of insane finances...

You clearly need more than £150 a month for the car. Go back over the past year and work out all the costs. Track all the fuel, if you can. Service, mot, parking permit, road tax, whatever.

It sounds as if you in fact have about 75 a month as personal spending, once youve paid for the car. How much does your husband have?

Budget based on every month being a 5-week month. That's the only way I ever manage to stay straight.

Meal plan. And dont do lots of extra shopping trips. When the bread runs out, go without. You could keep some bread flour and yeast in for emergencies.

Honestly? The most obvious thing to do is not to buy household and family purchases out of YOUR money.

🤯 mindblown.

You must trust your husband implicitly to not ever discuss finances. Could he not have lent you the petrol money?

The only way to cut down is to be brutal about whether you want something or you actually need it. Once you’ve trained your brain that way, which takes time, it’ll get easier.

Start logging then. You're just not going to have any idea where the money is going otherwise.

In respect of the separate finances, who puts in what? Have you dropped hours and earnings to look after DC?

You have repaid overdraft so doing well. Now you need to budget monthly. You say you set back £150 for direct debits but clearly it is not enough so increase to £200. This should stop you having to borrow from your Mum. You put money aside for yourself but end up spending on food shopping for family. You need to stop this. What we do is both pay X amount into a joint account every month. This covers mortgage, water rates, gas, electricity, council tax, food and general family expenditure including children's gifts for birthday and Xmas and clubs and activities. We both pay our car expenses and mobiles from our own accounts. We buy each other gifts from our own accounts and if I want to give my adult child from first marriage money towards my dgs nursery fees then I pay this out of my account but birthday gifts and Xmas gifts from joint account. We earn about the same. We pay half each for holidays together but If one of us goes out with friends or holiday with friend then they pay themselves. We have both had small inheritance and my dp got his first and bought a new car for himself. I got mine which was more but gave each child 1k and then bought dh a gift then kept the rest for myself. I paid some of it into my pension account. I know I sit on a bigger chunk of saving than dh but I would help him out if he needed it. Could you suggest opening a joint account for household expenditure like we have and then both pay proportion into it based on earnings?

Avoid those little trips to the shops.

Get in the habit of keeping 3 or 4 litres of long life milk in a cupboard, and some sliced bread in the freezer. A few tinned peaches so you have emergency fruit for your son. If there are other repeat offenders you often run out of, find a fix for those too.

It's much easier to avoid the temptation to buy extras if you do that.

@PermanentTemporary I spend a total of 87 a month on the car and that comes out of my bills. Before my spends. Im fortunate I have a very low maintenance car. I then spend 48 on other things - mobile phone and swimming lessons.

I then take £200 for myself and the rest of my sdalary goes into the joint account where our household bills come from (mortgage etc).

I meal plan our shopping before i do it but as we shop fortnightly, we run out of fresh bits like bread. We only spend £150 for a fortnight for 2 adults and a 5 year old.

5 week month is a great idea.

I also thought about immediately moving money on payday to save some?

Why are you shopping fortnightly and running out of things? Shop weekly and have it delivered. Less likely to buy extras and no trips to the shop.

Is this a stealth #tradwife thing?

Keep all of your receipts and write it all down so you can see where it goes.

Get a big shop delivered at the start of the month which includes long life milk for the later weeks and put some bread in the freezer for the same reason.

Don't nip to the shops. If you're missing an ingredient, improvise. If you want treats, bake them yourselves for a fraction of the cost.

I have to agree that this is a weird setup.

I’m pretty tight. Have you thought about earning extra? Have a look at the make £10 a day thread on here, there are loads of ways. EBAY stuff? As a really east start install the ZIPZERO app. It’s really easy. You just photo all receipts and get cash for doing so. I’ve only just started and have £12 in there, this automatically goes to my mobile phone provider to pay that bill. Also check your direct debits, any you can reduce?

I basically make penny pinching my hobby rather than penny spending, I enjoy it!

How much spending money does your husband have, and who are the swimming lessons for? DC? That should be factored into the budget if so.

I think you need to talk about finances with your DH because if you ever have children you will need him to financially support you and DC while on maternity leave.

@Originalusernameunavailable I do trust him. His money is his own. As is mine. If he wants to spend £40 on a coffee machine because he's saved up, that's his choice. I just wish I was in the same position and not pissing it away.

@BoxedWine I dropped to 4 days a week when DS started school. As such, I pick up a lot of the housework to "contribute" more like a through clean etc on my day off, collecting the shopping etc.

He's a great man my husband. I remember the days I used to pay £40 a month towards the house for bills, food, rent etc because i only did 4 hours a week. That's why we aren't in each others bank balances I guess.

Could he not have lent you the petrol money? I dont doubt he would but my pride doesn't let me ask him.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland brilliant idea baout the LLMilk and loaves. Silly but not something I would ever think of!

I am just about to do one of our shops online for Feb (due to be collected Friday as it's payday). If you have any shopping tips too that would be great.

Is this a stealth #tradwife thing? A what? Sorry, no idea what you're on about.

@crustycrab When we've shopped weekly I would struggle with things like mince. it worked out better to do fortnightly and buy a bigger, cheaper pack, than the smaller, more expensive one. However, we run low/out of fresh goods like milk and bread because we go fortnightly. Swings and roundabouts I guess?

@BoxedWine He has £200 also but he pays his fuel money out of his £200... I guess thats why I pick up the milk etc instead of him.

The swimming lessons are for me DS' hobby is paid for jointly.

@seltaeb We already have a 5 year old...

So you’d rather ask your mother for petrol money than your husband??

Bless you OP I know exactly what you mean. I have had years of debt which I have finally paid off. This means I have money in my pocket and I haven't been denying myself any little luxuries whatsoever. Cup of coffee here, take away sandwiches there..
If I saw a nice shower gel I'd buy it even though I have ten at home. The middle aisle of Lidl was like a magnet.
I got myself a monzo card and started transferring a set budget each week which worked to a point but I still carried a normal card which I'd use if my budget ran out .
I now put my normal card away for the week and its made a huge difference. I would have to make the effort to come home and get it or transfer onto my monzo to waste money which is enough effort to really make me think about spending.
I'm really low on my budget now (I make the transfer each Thursday) so I can only spend £8 between now and then. This is enough for packed lunches and evening meals for the 3 of us if I shop carefully.

Why don't you and DH agree that the car costs x 2, plus petrol, come from the joint account?

Who pays for the groceries/how much do you budget for them/where are they paid from? You need to agree to add a bit more to the budget, clearly.

The best feature of this card btw is the round up. Every transaction rounds up to the nearest pound. I'm saving 30.00 per month on average which goes straight onto my prepay holiday Mastercard.