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Original poster

Can you help me learn to be thrifty

153 replies

missnotsomoneypenny · 21/01/2020 13:27

I've name changed so this isn't linked to my usual name. Please be kind, I am not on my arse, nor is this a begging thread. Think of it as how you'd teach your teen child to budget their pocket money.....

Execept... Im 33. Ive cleared off my overdraft which was £400 with some good slogging. I'm proud of that.

I underbudgetted and overspent during Jan forgetting it was a 5 week month and have had to ask my Mum to come to my aid and fill my car with petrol as I get paid Friday and my reserve light was on.

Whilst she was happy to help out, I feel shit because I'm already £60 down (I lent £30 from her over the last 2 weeks) before I even get paid. Fortunately I get a bonus this month which will cover that £60 but it's not the point.

Regardless of rights and wrongs, mine and my husbands finances are separate. That's how we've always been and how we function. As such, I don't talk about my money with him and vice versa. We have a joint account with a chunk of savings in and investments too.

So I guess it's not really a major issue to some but i find myself short at the end of each month.

I get say £1,100 as a salary. from that I take out approx 150 to cover my own direct debits which come from my bank such as car tax, car insurance, fuel. I then take £200 for myself for the month. This money is to do what I like with but more often than not is spent on bits for us as a family (wine, bread, milk etc) and I find myself short.

I often don't have anything to show for the £200 and I would like to get myself out of this cycle I am in.

I'm proud I've cleared my overdraft and would like to nail this spending habit I have.

I may pop to the garage for milk and I will spend £5 on stuff - treats for my son like fruit, and pop for myself.

My husband spends barely anything - he's not tight but just doesn't fritter it like I do. He went to the shop for milk, got milk and 2 small cakes that probbaly came to a total of £2. I would have spent more...

So, if you can help me and lead me in the right direction, I;d be really grateful.

OP posts:
SuperMeerkat · 21/01/2020 15:24

@missnotsomoneypenny So you borrowed from your mum when you have a DH? How odd! You should have taken money from the savings, are you not allowed?

almostfreeatlast · 21/01/2020 15:30

Monzo Monzo Monzo!! Seriously. Move your spending money to it and leave your other card at home.

It’s helped us so much. I’m still not perfect as I can’t seem to get into the mindset of when it’s done it’s done (because I always know there’s other money somewhere I can borrow from) but I’m really working on that.

Wilma55 · 21/01/2020 15:34

Buy and freeze normal milk if you don't like long life

dottiedodah · 21/01/2020 15:39

Shopping tips that work for me Always buy largest pack of Washing Powder.Cereal and so on that wont go off .Also frozen food is much cheaper than fresh ,I use large 800 g frozen mince for 2 dinners, 4 of us
frozen Veg/fruit is cheaper and has just the same vitamin count as fresh . Try to limit trips to the Garage if you can .Write down everything you spend for a few weeks and see where it goes .

almostfreeatlast · 21/01/2020 15:42

The problem with no spend January is I have barely any receipts to zap :(

Original poster
missnotsomoneypenny · 21/01/2020 15:47

Sorry went away and loads of answers.

No, no 6 figure salary. He is very good with money and we just always managed. Our outgoings arent high because he/we put a large sum down on our home when we bought it. And he is very good at saving whereas I am the opposite.

I make a list before i do my online shop - look at recipes for example aqnd try to use things that I already have, or know if I buy a tin of kidney beans - itll go into 2 chillis rather than buying 2 tins of the beans. A pack of mince for example will do us 2 meals. So a bag of frozen chicken (1kg) breast at £3.50 will do us 3 meals give or take.

OP posts:
bluebella4 · 21/01/2020 15:48

Why are you not speaking to your husband about this? Especially if he's so good at saving.
I really get the struggle but something isn't adding up.

Original poster
missnotsomoneypenny · 21/01/2020 15:51

@bluebella4 Because he'd go bonkers if he knew I was so shit with money.

I know its daft. He didn't know about my ODraft which I have now cleared. And I think it's mainly me spending here and there that leads me to have buggar all personal savings. Nothing to do with him.

OP posts:
Highonpotandused · 21/01/2020 16:03

I may pop to the garage for milk and I will spend £5 on stuff - treats for my son like fruit, and pop for myself.

This is a bad idea. I don’t buy takeaway tea or coffee and on key buy snacks from supermarket.

My husband spends barely anything - he's not tight but just doesn't fritter it like I do.

So you’re spending £200 on treats for the family and he spends his money on himself?

Treats should come out of the family supermarket budget. You could then save that £200.

formerbabe · 21/01/2020 16:03

Is it that you're bad with money or you just don't have enough?

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 21/01/2020 16:03

@Reclaiminglife
Thanks for the tip re ZIPZERO

How do you make it pay a credit card rather than a bill, as you say it goes off your prepay holiday credit card? Sorry if this is a silly question!

Original poster
missnotsomoneypenny · 21/01/2020 16:20

Is it that you're bad with money or you just don't have enough? Bad with money

Just worked out out of my 200, I have my swimming lessons £14. That leaves me with 186. I am going to immediately put 20 aside for savings.

That leaves me with 166. It's 33 days between my paydays but for ease I have worked out I will have £4.74 per day for 35 days.

It will soon add up with a few no spend days. I wonder if to keep just £10 in cash in my purse per week and leave my card at home.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 21/01/2020 16:20

I'm baffled about the odd dynamic you have with your dh Confused Keeping your finances secret because he'd go "bonkers"? He's not your dad.

I think it's shit to borrow money from your mum when you have a huge house, investments and a chunk of savings.

Agree to up the grocery allowance for starters. I assume this comes from your joint account? Set some aside for extras you might need in the week. It's hardly out of control spending to pop to the shops for milk and buy some fruit and a drink while you're there? Has your husband brainwashed you or something?

Why on earth try to scrimp and save and when you have a lot of money and assets as a couple? Fuck that.

Original poster
missnotsomoneypenny · 21/01/2020 16:23

@SmileyClare We don't have a huge house and we don't have lots of assets. A house, and some savings and some investments

OP posts:
Yehdivvy · 21/01/2020 16:28

So you'd rather put your mum out of pocket than your husband who has loads of money saved?

LuckyAmy1986 · 21/01/2020 16:28

This would just not work for me. You’re too proud to ash your husband for petrol money? Fuck that!!! He’s literally supposed to be your life PARTNER. Better, worse etc etc.

divawithafever · 21/01/2020 16:29

What's a monzo I card?

SmileyClare · 21/01/2020 16:29

Ok sorry don't know why I said you had a huge house! I still maintain that with savings and so on, you shouldn't be borrowing money from anyone, be that your mum or an overdraft with bank charges.

Each to their own, but it strikes me as completely unfair that your dh won't pool all your resources. The fact that you feel such shame about asking him for money or telling him that you're not able to save each month seems off to me.
From what you've written, you're not shit with money and you are budgeting.

crustycrab · 21/01/2020 16:30

How did you decide you can afford £200? You didn't have enough for petrol this month so why still work off the premise that you will be ok to spend that much?

Yehdivvy · 21/01/2020 16:30

monzo.com/

NoSquirrels · 21/01/2020 16:31

If you regularly have to spend on top-up shops (and most families do), then you need to up the grocery budget. From the joint account.

drspouse · 21/01/2020 16:35

You've still not answered why you are doing the food shopping for everyone with your money, why you are paying for children's stuff like swimming lessons.
Is the car just for you to get to work? Or is it for the school run etc.?

NoSquirrels · 21/01/2020 16:37

Your allocation of who pays for what needs an overhaul, it seems.

Cars and petrol - you both run them, so put them both into the joint spending budget.

Groceries - have a more realistic budget from the joint account.

I meal plan our shopping before i do it but as we shop fortnightly, we run out of fresh bits like bread. We only spend £150 for a fortnight for 2 adults and a 5 year old.
Except you don't - you spend £150 per fortnight on the big shop, and then you have to top up. Which is fine, but should come out of the overall joint grocery budget.

I then take £200 for myself for the month. This money is to do what I like with but more often than not is spent on bits for us as a family (wine, bread, milk etc) and I find myself short.
If you spend it on the family, it's not your spending money.

Talk to your DH and overhaul the budget. He is saving up for coffee machines because he genuinely has more 'spare' than you!

Original poster
missnotsomoneypenny · 21/01/2020 16:37

i just dont really wanting him knowing about the debt i got into. im ashamed.

anyway...

thanks for all the helpful tips here.

whilst i know some may not agree with our finances being separate, it is what it is. I wanted advice re budgetting and got some. Thanks

OP posts:
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