Can you help me learn to be thrifty

[missnotsomoneypenny]

I've name changed so this isn't linked to my usual name. Please be kind, I am not on my arse, nor is this a begging thread. Think of it as how you'd teach your teen child to budget their pocket money.....

Execept... Im 33. Ive cleared off my overdraft which was £400 with some good slogging. I'm proud of that.

I underbudgetted and overspent during Jan forgetting it was a 5 week month and have had to ask my Mum to come to my aid and fill my car with petrol as I get paid Friday and my reserve light was on.

Whilst she was happy to help out, I feel shit because I'm already £60 down (I lent £30 from her over the last 2 weeks) before I even get paid. Fortunately I get a bonus this month which will cover that £60 but it's not the point.

Regardless of rights and wrongs, mine and my husbands finances are separate. That's how we've always been and how we function. As such, I don't talk about my money with him and vice versa. We have a joint account with a chunk of savings in and investments too.

So I guess it's not really a major issue to some but i find myself short at the end of each month.

I get say £1,100 as a salary. from that I take out approx 150 to cover my own direct debits which come from my bank such as car tax, car insurance, fuel. I then take £200 for myself for the month. This money is to do what I like with but more often than not is spent on bits for us as a family (wine, bread, milk etc) and I find myself short.

I often don't have anything to show for the £200 and I would like to get myself out of this cycle I am in.

I'm proud I've cleared my overdraft and would like to nail this spending habit I have.

I may pop to the garage for milk and I will spend £5 on stuff - treats for my son like fruit, and pop for myself.

My husband spends barely anything - he's not tight but just doesn't fritter it like I do. He went to the shop for milk, got milk and 2 small cakes that probbaly came to a total of £2. I would have spent more...

So, if you can help me and lead me in the right direction, I;d be really grateful.

why you are paying for children's stuff like swimming lessons I said up there that the swimming lessons are mine. The car is mine and i drop son off en route to work.

You don't need to tell him you've got into debt. You just need to say that you think you guys should look at the family budget together, because more of your spending money seems to be going on top-ups of groceries etc.

If you genuinely can't have a conversation along those lines with your DH, then it is worrying. Separate finances are one thing, they can work fine. But financial transparency and fairness need to be the basis of any family finance discussions.

@NoSquirrels - We;ve talked about it before. And we agreed I take £60 out as "bill money" for petrol and then get my 200. He takes his 60 out of his 200. Hence why i tend to grab the top up bits

Also, if we go out as a family in his car he pays for the fuel from his 140 (after taking his 60 for petrol out of his 200).

It literally is he can go days without going to a shop whereas I seem to go and blow a tenner on crap

It's a bit mad to do it that way isn't it, though? You're confusing two different things and making it complicated.

Who pays for clothes for DS, and school stuff, and all those other things? Days out, whatever. Do you use the joint account for those? If so, why not put the petrol, car costs x 2 and all the groceries through the joint account.

You're getting your personal money in a muddle because it's doing too many jobs. If your spending money of £200 was all you had in your own account, it would be more obvious where the cash was going.

You have money in a separate account so no need to borrow. I suggest you put both salaries into one account where monthly direct debits will be taken from. You can then decide an amount that each of you will have and transfer it to a different account each(easy if online) then if you have a tighter month, you can adjust how much to save and spend.

Also, if we go out as a family in his car he pays for the fuel from his 140 (after taking his 60 for petrol out of his 200).

Well you are a "family".

Sorry OP - this is just horrendous that you think that this is a positive.
Cars and fuel are "family" expenses and should come out of the joint account.

You’re the same as me OP - it’s not about moving electricity supplier etc but avoiding the shop as much as possible.

We always need something from the shop a couple of times during the week and it’s so easy to just grab extras when you fancy them but I think if you were SUPER strict with yourself for a couple of weeks you’d manage to break this habit.

Buy as much as you can in your main shop to avoid having to do the extra shops but I know they’re inevitable.

If you pop to the shop for food put it on your joint account not from your own spending money. It’s household expenses.

And your DH can avoid the shops for days on end because he's not the one responsible for the groceries...

Get another account (we use a cashback credit card) and use it for petrol and groceries. Both of you use that.

Use your personal accounts just for personal spends.

Ok so mine and my husband's finances are separate but we have a joint pot that we both have access to. Money for food comes out if that. Money for kids lessons also comes out of that. You paying for things you both benefit from seems off.

I use a spreadsheet to track finances both joint and personal. All my spending goes in it. It's in my phone so l can access it immediately to update it.

OP I find it hard to get my head around your finance situation but it is what it is....

Are you sure you are budgeting for everything? I do not think you are comparing like for like regarding paying your own way.

How are clothes, hair salons, make up paid for? Women cost more than men. It is a fact and needs to be taken into account. How are gifts for extended family paid for?

Are you both earning 1100 per month?
If you have reduced your days to four, this is of tremendous benefit to your child. Please do not underestimate and devalue this by paying more for groceries etc.

How much are you jointly saving each month and is it being done as a short term measure for a long term goal? If it isn’t might it be better to reduce savings by eg 100 a month so you aren’t getting so stressed out?

Also you say your car costs 87 per month but insurance and tax aren’t paid monthly and maintenance E.g. tyres is a big expense when it happens.

You've 33 (same age as me) got a savings account & a husband who works....and yet you ask your mum for petrol money?

Am I the only one who things this is weird?!

Your husband isn’t great at avoiding shops. You are obviously the one who notices and ensures bread, milk, fresh berries and fruit etc are in the fridge. Hand this responsibility to him and see how often he pops to the shops!

Presumably working fewer hours and doing more housework ALSO means noticing more what needs buying, going to the shops more, doing more washing/cleaning so noticing those things need topping up?
He's wearing clothes, living in the house and eating food, why are you the one paying for it?

Your fiance dynamics are ridiculous. I know you said you didn't come here for opinions on that, but genuinely if you're going to start assessing your own financial position you may as well combine it with assessing your finances as a married couple...which is what you are.

I know this isn't what you're asking but this is a dreadful situation.

£186 (after your swimming lessons) is a very small amount per month and if a lot is getting swallowed up by top up shops, it's no wonder you're struggling.

I don't think you're bad with money at all by the sounds of it. Running a household means you always need to top up as well as doing a big shop. I'm constantly remembering bits and pieces we need.

I'm sorry but I consider this to be financial abuse.

Hi OP,

I’ve got quite good at managing our money over the past few years, and I’d suggest you try to trick yourself into believing that saving money is a fun game almost, rather than something that’s difficult or a chore.

See it as a competition against the retailers, to hand over as little of your hard earned cash as possible. Every time you make a saving log it down in a notebook or app and it’ll start giving you a buzz when you see them adding up.

After a while your natural mindset starts to change so you find yourself naturally seeking out bargains and lowest price options. When you see your bank account looking healthier that will spur you on, too.

There have been some good money saving threads on here if you try the search box, with really useful tips.

Things like the pop and fruit you buy at the garage will be marked up hugely there. Could you buy a multipack of cans of pop instead, especially if you don’t mind own brand as it would cost hardly anything.

I know you said no arsey comments and I promise I’m not, but the current scenario sounds like it may not be working any more. If you spend more time with the kids then you are likely to incur more child related costs than your husband, whereas if he works more hours it’s easier to spend less while your out at work all day. Perhaps it’s time for a review of your system, to acknowledge that things have changed over time?

Mortgage/ rent / utilities aside ( as they are obviously an essential )
Having said that , have you looked at offers from other
companies for the above if you are now out of fixed contracts ?
Can you change phone contracts , tv / internet etc ?
Then look at your daily outgoings. Do you regularly buy lunch/coffee/snacks/chocolate during the day ? If so stop. It will come to a lot of money over the week. Make at home.
Shop once a week only. Cook from scratch as much as possible. If you are saying you don't have the time. Bollocks . With good time management everyone can make time to cook at meal . Batch cook and freeze, or even cook a little more and have it twice a week but with a little variation .
You just saving a pound here and there will soon mount up.

Why doesn't your DH pop out to the shops for the bread and milk and other extras instead of you?

Is there anything else you don't tell your husband because he'd go 'bonkers'? Are you scared of him?

Your dh sounds totally anal about money. I couldn't live like this with someone nit picking over who's paying for petrol on a family outing and working it out to the pound!

You mention nothing about buying any clothes or make up for yourself or getting your haircut OP? Quite frankly it sounds like a miserable existence. You're beating yourself up and feeling guilty for spending a few pounds a week in the shop on a fizzy drink or a chocolate bar? You're frightened and ashamed to ask dh for money?

Your financial set up is not the norm although you it has become your normal. Consider whether you're being financially abused. Dh sounds controlling.

I hope your name is on the mortgage!

Who pays for DS expenses?

I don't mean to be a dick but it would do you good if your mum didn't lend you money - it would force you to be thrifty (I know that myself: when there's no safety net you make yourself reign in)

@Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze I think someone else said about the holiday card in relation to mondo. Zip zero can only be used against utilities and council tax

Saying that you may have more of a partner problem then a you being at fault problem here...