To want to somehow stop Dd from joining the army

[Witchonastick]

Dd is currently y11.
Her choices for A-level are quite academic and at the moment its borderline if she’ll get the GCSEs to be able to do those subjects.

She’s told me her back up plan if she doesn’t make the grades is to join the army!

I know it’s possible to to have a good career within the army, but she’s talking about infantry.

Normally I’d never want to stop her doing whatever she wants to do, but the army?
And infantry?

I could cry with worry over this, but it how or if I could talk her out of it.

I was in the armed forces for 10 years and it was the making of me. I came from a hopeless situation at home (mum abusive alcoholic, a lot of neglect)
I finally had a family. I got a Masters, travelled the World, got more professional qualifications than I can list here, made friends for life and found my DH.
I wasnt in the infantry tho. That is a more dangerous job than the support roles.
Support roles make up 70-80% of the armed forces tho, so plenty of jobs which arent as dangerous to choose from.
I could have ended up on a very different path and am now a professional with a decent career earning more money than I ever imagined because of the confidence I got from my time serving.

My cousin is in the armed forces, as are a lot of my friends and their boyfriends/husbands. They love what they do but they ultimately hate it.

I’ve offered an ultimatum to an ex of mine before he joined of me or army; he chose the army and he loves it. We’re now very good friends and there’s no bad blood.

Find out why your daughter wants to join the army and what roles she wants to go for as it isn’t just front line infantry!

I would have hated this. With the politicians we have in the world now I wouldn't be too sure that unnecessary, pointless war mongering might bring about just the scenario you fear. And the army doesn't have a great record for caring for its ex service personnel either. If she wants to learn a skill or trade there are safer ways of doing it.

I spent 24 years in the Army, leaving as a Warrant Officer when I was 42. DH did 22 years and left as a Staff Sergeant. Neither of us was Infantry, but both saw Service on Operations in Combat Zones.

We both did well, the pros outweighed the cons. The fun made up for the hard times - of which there were many, but what we signed up for.

If my DD decided this was her way ahead I would support her, but personally would advise her to look to the RN or RAF (as I feel they are better options for women). If she was adamant she wanted the Army then I would push her towards a trade (actually would try to push my DD towards Officer Corps following uni, but that may not be an option for OPs DD).

The main issue for me with the Infantry (and other Combat Corps - RAC, RA etc) is the lack of transferable trade quals on discharge or retirement. I was fine - I spent the last 8 yrs of my career in HR so gained civilian equiv quals that I used to get the job I’m in now. DH has struggled - not many jobs/employers out there willing to look at the man and his experience without a piece of paper to back it up.

It’s great that she is thinking ahead - if she goes for it try to persuade her to think even further ahead and make a decision based on long term employment.

I think you have to give consent if she is under 18. Ask her to consider the navy.

Please support her choices. It will make the whole process of finding her career path easier for all of you in the long run even when you disagree. Encourage her to do her research. Once she starts looking in earnest options she has not considered in the forces may present themselves and lead her in another direction.

Transferable skills are a great thing to have in life.

My Daughter is currently training for the infantry...she's absolutely smashing it! She is extremely fit..I'm so proud that's she's doing exactly what she wants..

My daughter has just gone to sandhurst. I’m very proud.
My hubby is in the army as are 2 of his brothers and 1 sister.
I have been an army wife for a long time.
It’s a great career they are protected get good training and without being rude, army life can be like living in a bubble. Rarely worrying about getting a job/house/money.
I would try and advise her against infantry unless she is very fit. However there are lots of roles and she can join the rmp at 17y 10 months which depending on her age now, she could very well be after basic training.
If she likes the cadets then there is no reason she won’t love the army. The camaraderie is second to none, with much more support being offered now.
Embrace her choice and help her to see what other options there are within the army or RAF.

I served 6 years in the army, although I don't regret it knowing what I know now I would have joined the RAF. Get her to do a trade though, infantry bit might be a scare tactic for you. A trade she can use when she leaves.

My son was commissioned at eighteen and has served six years now. Fantastic opportunities. Fabulous career.

Nope don't let her at least you no she'll be safe I've always told all of mine there not allowed to join anything if it means they get injured or killed!! I didn't give birth to my 4 nearly dying with 3 of them while doing so for them to go and get them selves in shit!!!! Dont let her do it you will regret it!!

While I understand as a mother how you feel, you need to put your feelings aside. It might not even happen, due to many reasons stated above.

Having said that, we are actively encouraging our DD to consider a career in the forces. It would be the making of her. She would be likely to pass and she certainly has the fitness and stamina. Think it would set her up for life, even if she did only do a few years.

Refuse to sign anything and if she still wants to at 18 she can sign up herself. Gives her time to mature and really consider it. My parents did this with my brother but him being as stubborn as he was still signed up at 18. He majorly regretted it! Once you're in there's no turning back, you've got to serve the minimum period which at the time was 4 years, not sure about now

Who decided to sign her up for cadets ?
We had this a school they all have to sign up for army navy or RAF cadets and then it starts
It’s a slow sell .... lucky for us the was so much shouting and marching and nasty bully type adults leading it out ours off

Put off
If you say no she will want to join up even more ,

If it’s not her passion and just a back up plan she’s unlikely to make it through training so I wouldn’t worry at this point.

You are concerned about death or serious injury - not unreasonably and as we were. Interestingly the risks associated with military services are far, far lower than those associated with young drivers. It’s why we supported our son into his very good career whilst not buying him a car until he was 21. The risk associated with being a young driver or being driven by someone under twenty one are significantly higher than those associated with military service. They just don’t make the news.

In 2016, there were 448 fatalities in collisions involving at least one young driver, roughly a quarter of all reported road fatalities. Young drivers themselves accounted for 40 per cent (180) of these fatalities and the passengers in their cars a further 20 per cent (88).

The statistics that follow are all age so not specific to youngsters: if you look at death (so not serious injury even) for all ages it is 26,724 in 2018. That is 0.15% death rate for all army personnel compared to road deaths. Interestingly the military deaths contributed to the road deaths and most were entirely unrelated to military service. Far fewer military people have died since WW2 than have died on our roads in a year.

In 2016, a total of 72 deaths occurred among the UK Regular Armed Forces, of which 17 were serving in the Naval Service, 41 in the Army, and 14 in the RAF.

In 2016, the three largest causes of death among the UK Regular Armed Forces were:
 Cancer (29%, n=21) ,
 Other accidents (26%, n=19), of which 10 (53%) are awaiting verdicts,
 Land transport accidents (17%, n=12).

The risk associated with being a young driver or being driven by someone under twenty one are significantly higher than those associated with military service

Firstly, a lot more people drive cars than work for the military. So it's not a direct comparison. What percentage of drivers die vs what percentage military person die would be better.

Even then, I wouldn't be surprised if road deaths are higher. But that's irrelevant because it's not a logical comparison. Driving a car is basically a necessity to living a normal everyday life. In many cases it's unavoidable. Joining the military is not.

DiegoSaber you are right but the question would be what percentage of armed forces died due to conflict. The answer is undoubtedly driving carries a higher proportionate risk as most armed forces deaths are entirely unrelated to their work.
The risk rate in 2018 was 41 per 100, 000 for all deaths ie not conflict related.
Overall, in 2018, the UK Regular Armed Forces were at a statistically significant lower risk of dying compared to the UK general population. More specifically, the UK Regular Armed Forces were at a:
• 81% significantly decreased risk of dying as a result of a disease related condition and a
• 38% significantly decreased risk of dying as a result of external causes of injury and poisoning (accidental, violent or suicide) compared to the UK general population.

Since 2014, there have been only two lives lost as a result of hostile action (one in 2015, one in 2018). That calculates to 0.0001%
For drivers it comes out as 2.3% when comparing road traffic accident deaths to number of drivers.

I guess my point is people assume the armed forces are really, really dangerous but that isn’t necessarily borne out in fact. The police and fire service have higher mortality rates. Interestingly so does teaching, with three having been killed at work since 2014.

I’m not sure I agree a car is essential for most under 21s either.

Since 2014, there have been only two lives lost as a result of hostile action (one in 2015, one in 2018). That calculates to 0.0001%
For drivers it comes out as 2.3% when comparing road traffic accident deaths to number of driver

I guess my point is people assume the armed forces are really, really dangerous but that isn’t necessarily borne out in fact

The problem is that death rates in the military can change very quickly. Death rates over the last 5 years can't really be used to predict the next five years, especially not in the current political climate. OP's daughter could sign up thinking the risk is low and then in 2022 BoJo sends 50k soldiers to the middle east to get involved in some new pointless conflict and boom, the death rate suddenly skyrockets!

YANBU to be worried but you are overreacting somewhat.

At the moment the army is her Plan B not her Plan A so focus on that for now. There's no point worrying yourself to death over something that may never happen.

On the other hand, an army career is one to be proud of. Try and remember that if she chooses that life.

@DiegoSaber I'm sure you're really proud of your stats but actually, you're not helping the OP's anxiety.

She already knows this (as do the rest of us) so enough already.

What stats?