To want to somehow stop Dd from joining the army

[Witchonastick]

Dd is currently y11.
Her choices for A-level are quite academic and at the moment its borderline if she’ll get the GCSEs to be able to do those subjects.

She’s told me her back up plan if she doesn’t make the grades is to join the army!

I know it’s possible to to have a good career within the army, but she’s talking about infantry.

Normally I’d never want to stop her doing whatever she wants to do, but the army?
And infantry?

I could cry with worry over this, but it how or if I could talk her out of it.

It’s highly unlikely she would meet the physical requirements for the infantry if that’s any consolation.

Why would it be highly unlikely ?

Sounds to me as if your best hope is to encourage her revision and exam technique so that she is able to take the A-levels she wants?

Why not? I get that it is scary to some extent but I would be proud of any daughter who was tough enough to consider this as a career. I wish I had done it, I think it would have sorted me right out.

But I’m thinking the actual army will be a bit of a shock.

There have been a couple of TV series about youngsters joining the Army and following their basic training. Has she seen any of those - they might be available somewhere. I think it was Ch5.

My ds is training to be an electrician. Get your dd to look at army blogs on YouTube. They give week by week training expectations. Live streams of exercise regimes.
Ds is very very fit - think boxing and gym every day +running every morning. No alcohol or social life!
Support her watching these and be encouraging. If she isn't dedicated she won't pass the initial medical anyway.

@Seeline If she gets on to her A level courses, she wanted to go to uni to do law.

In all honesty, I don’t think she’ll manage it, but I’d never say this to her.
I thought, there’s no harm in trying and she may change her mind in few years anyway.
Then she came up with the army as a back up plan.

Show her photos of soldiers with limbs missing from being in Afghanistan and gather together some facts about what being in the infantry would actually entail.
If she still wants to do it after seeing the horrors of war ultimately you can’t stop her but I would be horrified too if any of my kids wanted to join the army.

I do agree with pp’s that I’d be proud of her for having a plan - it’s good she has some ambition.

I had wondered after looking into it if military police might be better, given her interests.
But not sure if that would be an option at 16?

I’m feeling quite relieved that most of you think my worries are ridiculous.

YABU. You need to look into it and get properly informed - speak to army careers people. There are amazing career opportunities in the army. Far, far more than you would imagine. It could be the making of her.

Why would it be highly unlikely?

Because the infantry fitness requirements are extremely difficult for most women to meet (and yes I do mean that women are at a physical disadvantage to men in this respect).

I believe only about 5 women have actually joined the infantry now it’s open to all.

I wouldn't want a child in the forces either and completely understand your worry.

I would do nothing to discourage her from the army. . . . . .and everything I could possibly do to help get her onto those a levels. It's 100% supportive and its also the most likely to deter the army stuff.

Can you help her to speak to school and get some more support towards the grades she needs / work with her to improve exam technique etc / even look at a tutor for the subject she's weakest in?

Also how about stuff like legal work experience / take her to court to see what its like / do you know anyone that works as a lawyer / can you find out together about other similar careers etc etc.

If she does the a levels but isn't able to get onto a law degree / work as a lawyer there are still loads of legal-related jobs which pay well and are career-y so I don't think it's a problem to encourage the aspiration / a levels even if she doesn't eventually end up as a lawyer. . . . .

I know just how you feel OP, my DS also wants to join the army, he really wants to join the SAS, so it’s good for them to have ambition, but I am worried too. At least your dd has some experience by being in the cadets, my DS has just read books, and goes to the gym. If she goes to university, as we hope DS will, she might grow out of the idea.

Royal Navy instead?

My brother joined as a school leaver, I wish it was something I'd been brave enough to do (too much of a home body at the time).

All those saying they wouldn't want their child in the forces, but are happy for other peoples children to go and keep them safe.

Lots of humanitarian work going on in the forces at the moment, rather than front line, but deployments are very much still happening..

I have been trying very hard not to put DS off the idea completely as I think it would make him more determined to join.

She might change her mind by then.
She may just be testing your reactions.

female soldiers tend to be kept away from the frontline as much as reasonably possible.

Why?

I thought women were treated equally in the forces thee days?

If my DD wanted to sign up I couldn't be prouder. This decision needs to be hers alone with you guiding her to make an informed decision.

And for those who question the physical fitness, how can you make that call without knowing her?

Please don't let your concerns stop her from doing what she wants.

@CoolCarrie I’m treading very carefully for this very reason!
She’s very determined and bloody minded when she wants to be.

You may be in for a shock if you think that bad GCSEs will get you into the army (I could be wrong though). The selection tests are quite rigorous and the physical is robust. So if the Army is going to be Plan B she needs to research exactly what she needs to do (being in the cadets makes that easier)

Bre Oh come on. There is a big gap between GCSE results not good enough to do some specific A levels, and 'bad GCSEs'.

You could get a string of 'strong passes' (5s) or even a mix of 5s and 6s and still not be allowed to take some specific A levels.

Let’s be honest. If the Army is a back up option then her hearts not entirely in it. There are hurdles and hoops to jump through and it’s a long process, she may realise that it’s not for her or even be the making of her and make her more determined.
A lot of research needs to be done by both Mum and DD.

I think it’s comes from her enjoyment of the army cadets. She’s had an absolutely brilliant time with the cadets and the weekends away/ annual camps

Maybe explain to her that murdering people in Africa and the Middle East and risking having her limbs blown off or being killed herself, just to protect the interests of the billionaires and political elite who themselves risk nothing, is not the same as a camping weekend with her mates.