To want to somehow stop Dd from joining the army

[Witchonastick]

Dd is currently y11.
Her choices for A-level are quite academic and at the moment its borderline if she’ll get the GCSEs to be able to do those subjects.

She’s told me her back up plan if she doesn’t make the grades is to join the army!

I know it’s possible to to have a good career within the army, but she’s talking about infantry.

Normally I’d never want to stop her doing whatever she wants to do, but the army?
And infantry?

I could cry with worry over this, but it how or if I could talk her out of it.

Also, if she's done camps, she may have already had a careers talk. They sometimes have them. Ask her what she's already heard/expects/understands of joining the military. Cadets is great but not at all like basic!

I did mention that I wasn't sure if not good enough for A.level GCSEs would be ok for the Army.

I was in the Army. In my squadron we all had A-levels. Most of us had some kind of further education and none of us were officers at that time. Aside of the qualifications, one of the biggest hurdles is the fitness test. But you're also assessed on how well they think you fit. It really is worth checking out in great detail what your daughter wants to do and what she has to achieve to do it.

TBH I wouldn't be that happy if one of my DD wanted to sign up.

I wouldn't necessarily try to put her off joining the Army, but maybe ask her to look at options other than the infantry, even if it is only a "look". There are many different roles available that might be a bit more interesting.

@Nat999 I turned down a lecturer position in the Public Services department at a college - quite often the students are forced into it because they’re not interested in anything else. There’s lots of sport and adventure training but very little idea of life with the public services.

My parents were so incredibly controlling when I was your DD's age. They would scoff at my plans and try and push me down different career paths. I hated them for it and I left home as soon as I could. From there I left the country to put some distance between them and I so I could live my life the way I thought was right for me.

I would say your job is to support your DD in her choices, and after all the army is a legitimate choice and to be honest it couldn't have been a surprise given she has been in cadets and doing well with them. Also she is young with lots of time to change her mind back and forward a few times before she has to make a decision. Please give her the space and support to do what is right for her and not you.

They pick and choose who they want these days, it can take years of trying to get accepted, so I wouldn't worry too much as the odds of getting in first time are not in her favour.

It only takes years now due to the incompetence of the outsourced recruitment team to be fair. OP I can understand your feelings, my DH was in the military and I wouldn't want my DS to join when he is older; but similarly I wouldn't tell him that, he needs to make his own choices. I would encourage her to look at different trades though, some offer excellent opportunities for training and progression. There are also chances for adventurous training (albeit not quite as common now), to join a sports team and other expeirences you wouldn't get without joining- both a good and a bad thing! The RN are away a lot, but she could also consider the RAF. You tend to get a bit more of a say in postings, and conditions can be better.

Okay, given the very real differences in strength between men and women (on average) I just assumed the British army would have different training programs for men and women. But they are the same? I'll take your word for it then.

Also soldiers in support roles might find themselves in dangerous situations. But its quite another thing to take young women, give them very heavy equipment to wear and a rifle, and send them to patrol a hostile area, or worse yet attack the enemy. You're telling me the British army will now freely use young women soldiers for such combat infantry roles?

Also soldiers in support roles might find themselves in dangerous situations. But its quite another thing to take young women, give them very heavy equipment to wear and a rifle, and send them to patrol a hostile area, or worse yet attack the enemy. You're telling me the British army will now freely use young women soldiers for such combat infantry roles?

Yes. Welcome to the 21st century.

I wasnt in the infantry when in Afghan, but I was "given...very heavy equipment to wear and a rifle, and sent to patrol a hostile area"

Also, women can now join the Royal Marines.

Also soldiers in support roles might find themselves in dangerous situations. But its quite another thing to take young women, give them very heavy equipment to wear and a rifle, and send them to patrol a hostile area, or worse yet attack the enemy. You're telling me the British army will now freely use young women soldiers for such combat infantry roles?

Yes
You’re a soldier first regardless of your genitalia
I was often used as a female searcher when I was in Afghanistan as the local women cannot/will not be touched by a man who is not their husband, so the infantry regiments needed female colleagues plucked from other regiments/corps to search the local females. I would go out on the same patrols, carrying the same kit, putting myself at an equal amount of risk.
It’s not uncommon for taliban to use women and children to do their dirty work for them, ie conceal explosives etc

Should have added that i was 18/19 at the time. I spend my 19th birthday in a shitty fob in the arse end of Helmand

Also soldiers in support roles might find themselves in dangerous situations. But its quite another thing to take young women, give them very heavy equipment to wear and a rifle, and send them to patrol a hostile area, or worse yet attack the enemy. You're telling me the British army will now freely use young women soldiers for such combat infantry roles?

Another yes from me having been attached to the infantry for a tour in Afghanistan, living alongside them and doing the same patrols and carrying the same weight as the male soldiers.

My 16yr old nephew has joined recently and is really enjoying it .He needed to lose a stone in weight, did mountain runs with weights and back packs and couldn't play his beloved football for months as he couldn't risk an injury.Its a difficult route to take.

I think you should be proud that she wants to do such a difficult and risky job. I definitely don't think you should be trying to talk her out of it.

Ffs ludo, there's some distance between being "incredibly controlling" and "making it all about the OP" and being worried about your young daughter going into combat. It's obtuse to pretend otherwise.

Well I would be proud as hell of her, but if you really want to sabotage her life you could get her diagnosed with asthma/eczema/anxiety disorder. I have known kids (inc DS) fail the medical on these grounds.
FWIW I think Police is less safe than the Army these days. We seem to lose a lot of Police officers

if you really want to sabotage her life

Hahaha mumsnet is so absurd sometimes 😂

I’m ex-army. Joined in my early 20’s after uni but as a soldier not an officer. It was honestly the best 11 years of my life. I agree with previous posters that it shouldn’t be a fallback plan though - none of my army friends joined as officers and lots of us had A Levels and degrees or work experience first. 16 is so young to join up. I did a support job (logistics) and deployed to Iraq 6 times and Afghanistan 3 times in less than 8 years, often attached to infantry units on the frontline,m. I’d have found infantry incredibly dull though - there’s a LOT of waiting around. I was always the crap one in PE at school but found basic fairly easy, fitness wise. It’s a really good career but I’d be trying to convince her to wait a couple of years and try cadets, reserves or OTC first.

And agree with RidgedPerfection, women have been patrolling with weapons for many years, long before they were allowed to join the infantry. We weren’t exactly being deployed with only our hair irons and witty banter for protection.

Women have been allowed in the infantry for many years now. My passout parade was in 1995 (yes, I'm very old) and I vaguely remember something about being amongst the first women to be allowed to carry guns. I was also the first woman in my regiment to be awarded best new recruit (not so stealthy boast). At that same time or just after they allowed women to serve on the front line - so we're talking about 25 years ago?

longestlurkerever I gave my experience to provide a bit of context. This decision is the OP's DD's decision and not hers. Fine to be concerned but no other action required by OP other than to support her daughter and help her to find out as much information as possible to help her make an informed decision.

How would I feel if my DD was to join the army? Worried? Of course but I would also support her in her valid choice and be incredibly proud of her.

All ‘support roles’ have combat capability and once out of the country you’re all front line. Of course females carry the same as men - you carry your kit and your weapon to survive!
I left 12 years ago having served in war zones. As well as having been fitter than I could ever have imagined (with the body to prove it) I travelled loads, made lifelong friends, got a degree and had an amazing time. I’m proud to have served, but honestly, what a life. I work for the police now. I was hoping it would be similar. Not even close.
Yes, you can get killed. As you can in so many things that go on.
Killed in defending the security of my country or killed on my way to work because some selfish fucker has to use their phone while driving? I know which is worthwhile.

Does she know that even after she quits they can call her up at any time in the next 15 years and make her go to war?

I’d say, no she’s not incredibly fit at the moment but she is bloody determined!

Good girl! if that were my daughter I'd be really proud and so would me late dad and uncles one aunt and one gran.

All served in the forces!.

Not 100% on this but I'm pretty sure the IDF allow women on the frontlines.

Mmm. Ask her how she’d feel about walking around a town she’s not welcome in pointing a rifle In the faces of the local women, kids and men?
Ask her how she’d feel about killing someone because she’s been told to regardless of what she believes?
She won’t get to pick and choose, she could be in a conflict she objects to.
Does she think it’s all just playing war games in the Beacons or sunbathing in Cyprus.
How is she with follow orders without question? Saluting men or women she loathes Or has zero respect for because of the stripes on their shirts? Is she up for the sexism and the bullying? Up for being with a lot of men who are in the army as they don’t have many options and are there because their family think it’s will ‘sort’ them out?
If she has to go military and has half a brain suggest Navy or RAF?