To want to somehow stop Dd from joining the army

[Witchonastick]

Dd is currently y11.
Her choices for A-level are quite academic and at the moment its borderline if she’ll get the GCSEs to be able to do those subjects.

She’s told me her back up plan if she doesn’t make the grades is to join the army!

I know it’s possible to to have a good career within the army, but she’s talking about infantry.

Normally I’d never want to stop her doing whatever she wants to do, but the army?
And infantry?

I could cry with worry over this, but it how or if I could talk her out of it.

And the infantry, man. If she’s going to get seriously hurt, maimed or killed, it’s the infantry.

I wouldn’t be happy either. My dad was military and had some great experiences but was unable to adapt well to civilian life. He couldn’t cope without the structure and hierarchy. It’s not easy to get a job afterwards either. Lots of mental health issues in ex forces. I guess that will depend on length of service and any skills learnt that would be of use in civvy street.

@Whynosnowyet my stepson just joined is yours at Harrogate? He is junior soldier entry.

YABU. If she’s struggling to get the grades then no point doing a levels.

Army is a great career

I would be worried about that too @Witchonastick My DS wanted to join too but thankfully was turned down because he’d been to CAMHS when he was about 8 and there was a question over him having ADHD. He didn’t and was never prescribed meds but I could have jumped for joy. He’s now training to be an electrician. Is there anything like that in her notes that could make her fail the medical?

I think it’s comes from her enjoyment of the army cadets. She’s had an absolutely brilliant time with the cadets and the weekends away/ annual camps. But I’m thinking the actual army will be a bit of a shock.

It'll be a damned side tougher but the services like former cadets because they know what they are in for and already know the basics. One of my former cadets went on his pre-interview with the army and the sergeant looked closely at his tidy bedspace and asked if he had been a cadet - going to military establishments and getting your mattress couped on the floor with all your kit if not up to scratch is an incentive to learn quickly, that and spending two hours in the evening getting your boots semi-acceptable.

I spent years as a reservist before going to cadets as an instructor, the last few years on five days standby for anywhere. Now I'm an old fart I still miss it. My mother was a regular - on leaving to get married, her papers were stamped "suitable for re-engagement", just in case it didn't work out! Both my parents were in war zones for years, and so I had no illusions.

Incidentally, I met someone a couple of years ago who was in the RAF after having served in the RN; she said that after surviving Raleigh, RAF basic training was like Butlins 😁. Having done exercises with them, their accommodation is certainly luxury compared to the other services.

Is there an army cadet force by you? My son was desperate to join the army then did a few years and it put him off, in the best way. He tried The assault courses etc and realised its no picnic x x

Mmm. Ask her how she’d feel about walking around a town she’s not welcome in pointing a rifle In the faces of the local women, kids and men?
Ask her how she’d feel about killing someone because she’s been told to regardless of what she believes?

Oh here we go....knew it wouldn’t take long for this shit to start coming up.

You do realise that’s not how it works right? Not once did I walk around pointing my weapon in the faces of civilians most of the kids I came in contact with in Afghanistan were always happy to see us because they knew we would give them pens for school and sweets. When I was used as a female searcher, the women were always intrigued and surprised by me. I would enter a compound and remove my helmet, and when they saw I was a woman, they would often giggle and want to know my name!
You know there’s also a magical thing know as “positively identifying a target” right? We didn’t just go around firing at anything and everything that moved

ThePolishWombat - I grew up in NI so yes, British soldiers did point guns at us, they did search us, they did swear at us/call us names. I was more scared of them that the actual terrorists. They weren’t all angels in uniforms.
And no, I’m not a nationalist or supporter of the IRA or any other terrorist organisation in any way. Just telling it like it was.
Soldiers aren’t sent to conflict zones to skip about handing out chocolates to the local kids, they’re there to fight.

They would ‘giggle’? Jesus wept - you have no idea of how people actually feel about an occupying force.

What about the police as an option?

Winged I get that, I do. But that’s genuinely not my experience of Afghanistan.
Little girls were happy to have essentially an armed escort to school - they could walk to school without risk of being shot by the taliban.
Parents carrying bleeding toddlers to the gates of the FOBs because they knew their kids would be safe and receive urgent medical attention - one thing that will never leave me, is picking RPG shrapnel out of a screaming 2 year old’s leg because she’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time and the taliban don't discriminate.
I certainly wasn’t there to harm or intimidate.

YABVU. Why do you want to stop her? Plenty of career and education opportunities for people who aren't exactly academic.
Would you same to your son?

Tell her to check out all the different programs on offer through the Royal Navy - lots of stuff going ok with engineering!

Yes I would think the same if it was my son!
I want my children to stay safe and alive. Don’t you?

YABVU. Why do you want to stop her?

She's worried about her daughter getting maimed or killed. That's quite obvious from the OP and the thread in general, so I'm not sure why you would need to ask.

@Witchonastick my DS1 (25) has been in the army for 5.5yrs. I absolutely understand your reservations but don't stop her. DS1 did his A levels, got 3 grade As, had a place at university then said he wasn't going and was joining the army. We're a military family so wasn't a complete surprise, we gave him a year to get in otherwise he was going to uni.

It's been the making of him. He was as fit as a butchers dog when he went for selection and whizzed through Phase 1 &2. He's gone from being a quiet, unconfident person who wouldn't say boo to a goose to being a leader, someone who isn't afraid to speak up for himself and others and he absolutely loves his job. He's flying in his career, he's a corporal earning £32k a year. None of his mates from school earn anything like that.

He's travelled all over the world since he joined up. I can't keep up with him

Yeah, don't stop her OP. I had a friend at university whose twin brother joined the army. Got sent to Afghanistan and was killed. Might have had a great career if he had lived though!

My dd is a navy engineer, far safer I thought (though my headstrong dd wants to switch to navy diving and bomb disposal!)

My daughter did 6 years in the army and loved every minute of it. She'd still be in now if she hadn't injured her knee playing football

I looked at it after my degree but wouldn’t pass a medical (asthma and migraines) so that’s me out. But my husband is serving and he’s nearly done his 22 years. Loads of good opportunities and if it is for you and you make the most of it you can have a great career in the forces. I’d not have a problem with a child of mine doing it.

It's very understandable as a Mother that your heart will have missed a fair few beats at this announcement from your Daughter. People who serve in the Military have amazing opportunities for travel and careers and independence and amazing coping strategies. Be aware that as Teenagers they change their minds before they truly settle and she has said plan B so don't worry just yet.

Is her heart set on the infantry? If so why? As a military spouse I understand some of your fears. My hubby is Navy and if anyone asks him he always says for a young person to join the RAF, they treat people better and move around a lot less. A friend’s DD just join the raf and changed what she was going to do as she found it was physically too demanding but is doing well in another branch. I think it’s harder on the parents of service people than the spouses. But you will never feel prouder of them. Go with he to the local recruiting office, (but make sure it’s not just an army recruiting office) to discuss her options!

Airforce! That's the place to go now, especially with the chance that they'll become the Space Force...(ok this is heavily influenced by my sci-fi imagination but one of their pilots is on secondment with a space race company)

Is she doing Remains for GCSE English? It's a poem about PTSD and there are some amazingly powerful Youtube videos about the effects of war . Useful reality check and its revision 😉, honest. Just type Remains in YouTube search engine, it's by Simon Armitage.

YNBU. Sexism and racism are inherent in the Armed Forces.