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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to somehow stop Dd from joining the army

232 replies

Witchonastick · 21/01/2020 11:02

Dd is currently y11.
Her choices for A-level are quite academic and at the moment its borderline if she’ll get the GCSEs to be able to do those subjects.

She’s told me her back up plan if she doesn’t make the grades is to join the army!

I know it’s possible to to have a good career within the army, but she’s talking about infantry.

Normally I’d never want to stop her doing whatever she wants to do, but the army?
And infantry?

I could cry with worry over this, but it how or if I could talk her out of it.

OP posts:

SunshineAngel · 21/01/2020 12:29

My god why has everyone jumped on OP saying infantry is lowly? She didn't even say that!! She is understandably worried about her daughter potentially going into a dangerous job.

OP, I would support her the best you can with her studies at the moment, and find various options for sixth forms or other local colleges that might take lower grades if needed.

It's easy for young people to say "I'll just join the army" but what they don't realise is that it really isn't a last resort option, it's an incredibly difficult thing to do, you have to be super fit and incredibly disciplined. She can practice that discipline with her revision.

I think some schools have army event days where they do really fun things like paint their faces and do assault courses - but I think that gives completely the wrong idea about what the army really is. The reality is that at some point she may have to kill somebody, or hold a close friend as they take their last breath. It's not nice to talk about, but she needs to think about the reality of what she actually wants to do.

Of course, if she gets to the stage of application and she still wants to do it, you can't stop her.

karencantobe · 21/01/2020 12:35

Basic training is very tough. She is unlikely to get through it anyway. As you say it is extra hard for women to get through infantry basic training. So I wouldn't worry about it.

MrsKahlo · 21/01/2020 12:36

Personally I would share the exact same concerns as you and would actively discourage my child or family from joining the Armed Forces due to my own personal beliefs and the fact that I cannot support AF (not inviting discussion here so dont attack)

I would try to present her with a variety of different options that she needs to pursue first so she doesnt feel like it's her only route from education.

LochJessMonster · 21/01/2020 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Namechangers87171717 · 21/01/2020 12:38

There is a channel 4 documentary following new recruits (16yr olds) make her watch it and then she will have a real idea about how what it’s like. It’s blooming hard!!
It’s called “British army girls”

Original poster

Witchonastick · 21/01/2020 12:45

Namechangers, thanks I’ll look that up.

OP posts:

GnomeDePlume · 21/01/2020 12:47

Put a backpack on her weighting in around 50kg (with all kit and radio etc it would likely weight more than this!) and ask her to go for a run for 2 hours.

That's just silly.

Applicants are expected to be fit to start training not as fit as they will be at the end of training.

The entry requirements are available on line. Get her to check these and start working towards them.

At the same time she can look at the roles available in the armed forces. There are many to consider.

Original poster

Witchonastick · 21/01/2020 12:52

She’s expected to pass all her GSSEs.
But she’ll need at least 5s in certain subjects to go on to A level. And then, due to the jump, she maybe looking at Cs/Ds predicted at A level....not enough for entry to law degrees.
But fine for the army.

OP posts:

Ishotmrburns · 21/01/2020 12:53

Our babies grow up into people, and people make their own choices in life. Yanbu to worry about her. It's your right as a mother to worry about her for the rest of your life. But Yabu to try and stop her. Let her make her own way in the world.

Nonnymum · 21/01/2020 12:56

I would be the same as you OP. But try not to protest too much it might just make her more keen.
Do you think she is serious? Does she actually know what it means? I would encourage her to do some realistic research. She might just have a totally unealistic and romantic idea about what it means? How is she is following rules without question and authority?

inwood · 21/01/2020 12:57

Why is everyone assuming because she's female she won't be fit?

It could be the making or breaking of her but op if I was in your shoes, no I would want my kids (male or female) joining the infantry.

inwood · 21/01/2020 12:57

wouldn't

helberg · 21/01/2020 12:58

I don't think you should rule it out completely or try to stop her.
What you could do is to help her to explore the idea more as to whether it is the right fit for her. Go and talk to people at the recruiting offices (not sure how this works these days but you can find information online). Look at the different career paths available - there are many interesting options aside from infantry.
Look at the fitness requirements and whether she has a chance.
Also look at what the RAF and RN are offering - get information leaflets from them too.
Watch some of the documentaries that there have been about basic training - there was one about the RN not so long ago.

I think the armed forces do offer some attractive and interesting career paths for young people but obviously it would have to be right or her.
Getting more information is not committing anyone to anything yet. Also explore other possible options should her GCSEs not be what she wants. Discuss the possibility of going to college for a BTEC or A-levels and then considering the army at 18.

Original poster

Witchonastick · 21/01/2020 12:58

I’m thinking she’s decided the army is a more realistic option than law for her.

If it comes to it, I’ll take her to an army careers office and go through the options.

I won’t try and stop her, it’s not my place to.
I just want her to be safe and not choose the most risky option!

OP posts:

SJaneS48 · 21/01/2020 13:00

I’m sure we all went to school with boys (I’m old so maybe there’s more of a split today!) who left at 16 to join the army and a year or two later were out again! It’s a tough job, even if she gets in if it ever gets that far, probably about 50/50 if she stays in?

When it comes to our kids, no one wants them to get hurt. If either of my DD chose a career in the Services (and I’d want them to have a clear plan, looked at all possible options and what it could give them career wise), they’d have my full support - at the end of the day, it’s a bloody brave thing to do really! Our Armed Services do need more women in them as well.

karencantobe · 21/01/2020 13:04

@inwood Very few women pass basic training for infantry. It is harder for women to pass.

unicornsarereal72 · 21/01/2020 13:05

What's not to like. Get a career. And an education. See the world. Get paid. No debt and random drug testing.

The children's father was in the navy 10 years. He Had an amazing time but sadly his knees gave way and he was pensioned out.

He was walked into any civilian job he has applied for since he left Because of his background.

He has travelled the world as an engineer. Although of course would of gone to 'war' if he was called too. The nearest he got to danger was stealing flags whilst drunk. I was as as his family very proud of him.

cornishclottedcream · 21/01/2020 13:06

My DS had the army as his back up plan when he he didn't do well enough to go to uni after flunking his A levels. It has been the making of him.
He is a Medic and has been all over the world with the longest being 6 months in Canada. He too was an Army cadet but Basic Training soon showed him the difference. The Army will offer guidance on career selection and if she is able to go in with GCSEs and A levels she will be guided towards an appropriate career. He earns very good money, more than he would in the NHS and has just bought his first house by himself with no financial support from anyone.
My husband was RN so can comment on the Navy too. All Service personnel are offered career progression and advice.
My advice would be to wait and see what her results are like and then both of you take guidance from a Careers Advisor.

Original poster

Witchonastick · 21/01/2020 13:06

How is she is following rules without question and authority?

Terribly argumentative and questions everything! Which is why I was so surprised she wanted to join the cadets and has actually loved it!

OP posts:

Coyoacan · 21/01/2020 13:06

Whao! Not in the UK, but does the army there still recruit 16 year olds? That is classified as child soldiers and roundly condemned internationally.

I also have to concur with this sentiment

Maybe explain to her that murdering people in Africa and the Middle East and risking having her limbs blown off or being killed herself, just to protect the interests of the billionaires and political elite who themselves risk nothing, is not the same as a camping weekend with her mates

BigFatLiar · 21/01/2020 13:06

Could be a good choice. If she wants to have a decent career then there are lots of options to train and get a good technical background in engineering or many other areas. It also provides the opportunity for lots of sports.

Weepingwillow123 · 21/01/2020 13:06

If she wants to do a Law Degree Is she wanting to join the profession ideally ? have you looked at some other legal options ... legal executive or licensed conveyancer ...

ThePolishWombat · 21/01/2020 13:10

(Sorry for the essay ahead!!)
I joined the army at 16 straight from school - my mum was horrified when I came home and shoved the application forms under her nose. She refused to sign them - if you’re under 18 there has to be parental consent. So I got my dad to sign them instead.
It turned out to be the best decision I could have made. I got qualifications I never would have got outside of the military, they taught me how to drive a car and paid for my cat B & C license. I saw places all over the world I never would have seen. I gained life experience (good, bad and ugly) that I otherwise wouldn’t have. I met my wonderful DH.
My career was ended prematurely through injury, but I would go back in a heartbeat if I could!

Now I’m a mother, I do understand the reservations parents have about it, but in all honesty if I’d not done it, I’d still be in my crappy hometown, working a 9-5, probably still living with my parents etc. And my parents also understand now, that it was the best decision for me.
She would still need to pass selection/medical/interviews etc, all of which have different requirements to be met dependant on trade.
The “actual army” as you put it, will be a shock. It’s supposed to be a shock. The first 6 weeks of basic training is known as “the shock of capture” phase. It’s designed to break you of every aspect of individuality you have, and mould you into a soldier. I remember those 6 weeks very well and it was hell! But when you come out the other side and the instructors ease off a little, that’s when you can actually start enjoying what you’re doing and learning. I met some of the best friends I’ve ever had, and even though a lot of us have gone out separate ways outside of the army, we are still very close and a big part of each other’s lives.

If she does decide to go ahead, she still might get to selection and change her r mind. Or she might not - she might end up like me and feel like she’s really found her place there!

Herpesfreesince03 · 21/01/2020 13:12

Op- if you’re worried about the dangers of joining the Service then just google some statistics. You’re more likely to be killed or injured in the construction trade, agriculture, fishing trade, emergency services right now, just to make a few.

Missillusioned · 21/01/2020 13:13

The UK armed forces do recruit under 18s, but they cannot be sent on active service until they are 18.

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