Male privilege: How can I explain to a man why some women are afraid of men?

[IvyBush123]

A make friend of mine talked about male privilege a few months ago or I was trying to explain it to him - but I don’t think he got what I was trying to say.
He was walking down the street in the evening, it was getting dark and there was nobody else in the street but a unaccompanied women who hurried and gave him fearful looks.
My friend is a harmless person, very nice, would never do anything bad to a woman. He was hurt by the fact she seemed to fear him.

I tried to explain to him that most men aren’t rapist but some are and women like to be on the safe side. Don’t think he got what I was trying to say.

Bwahahaha. The insecure little weakling of a dude on this thread amuses me to no end.

Jesus, what a nob.

But hey, what else would you expect.

Hercules, my arse.

I honestly wonder why some of you women get into polemics with those silly men. They're best ignored, it's not like they possess the intellectual capacity to understand what you're saying.

As a man I get that in certain situations I can make women fearful and do what I can to minimalise it, crossing the road, stopping for a few minutes eye but I must admit some of the responses here aren't easy to read.

I'm one person, I have very little influence on how other people are and I'm not responsible or accountable for how other men behave.

I do what I can from challenging toxic masculinity attitudes in everyday conversation to placing myself between men and women who obviously feel intimidated but there will always be bullys.

As for the 'nice' men that don't get it I can only think they struggle with a lack of empathy. Men also know the situations where they need to be careful, minimalise risk, feel fear and have strategies that help.

To a certain extent I do understand feeling hurt that just being me can make others afraid but not in a poor me way, more just a sadness that it's the way things are.

So this fully mature male is struggling to understand. My DS is very tall at 6ft 5, he was almost 6ft and only just 13 when this happened. It was dusk and he saw fear in a woman’s eyes when he walked near her, he was shocked and came home and told me. I explained about how women feel and that not to take it personally but it was because how we as women have experienced life we are wary. He understood and said he would cross the road. I know there are many other more in depth comments on this thread on this subject. But is purely to show a child could understand this easily. I think your friend op is being deliberately difficult possibly for his own warped amusement.

Logically he knows that statistically a dog is unlikely to attack him, and hes never actually been attacked by a dog on the street before, so he doesn't have previous experience to make him fearful of the dog. He might even have a pet dog at home, and he knows loads of nice friendly dogs, but this is a strange dog and he is alone with no one to help him if the dog attacks.

Bad analogy. If a strange dog started following me I'd turn around and make kissy noises, see if it was frienydly and was following me because it was lost or maybe just wanted petting.

If it growled at me, then I'd worry.

Clumzy please don't imply that the others on this thread are simply 'shit scared of men', it's insulting.

And what point were you trying to make by deliberately wearing skimpy clothes and changing your route to walk through alleyways full of men (odd behaviour anyway). You're still changing your behaviour because of the perceived thread, albeit in a different way.

*threat, not thread.

The whole notion was pilloried even though we know that men have had their lives severely negatively affected by accusations that were unverified, unverifiable and sometimes outright false

Who? @AnArrestableOffence Sounds like you’re basing that on one person you know rather than based on stats.

Because media around false allegations shows how women get the book thrown at them massively. How if women are the victim but the perpetrator is found not guilty they are still pilloried and harassed - Sometimes until they take their own lives.

And don’t even get me started on the rich and famous who are seemingly untouchable.

@ClumzyOwlz here’s your medal 🏅

Some women are shit scared of men. Some are not. Their opinions and thoughts are still valid.

I’ve reported you Clumzy

@ActualHornist
I'm not talking about rape here. I'm talking about experiences where women received actions or comments more negatively than were purportedly intended. Noone is getting the book thrown at them for an anonymous article or Twitter post.

I have seen workplace incidents where someone said something to someone they perceived to be a friend, who took offence, went to HR and negatively impacted their career. These are not criminal matters but you can make someone's harder without sending them to prison.

Personally, I avoid getting into anything remotely controversial or private (beyond asinine surface-level stuff) with any colleagues for that reason, so I'm definitely on the more paranoid side of things.

What men will never grasp is that it's not even a fear of tape or murder 99% of the time. Just going about our daily tasks leaves us in situations where we are intimidated (either deliberately or not).

For example, how many of us have sat on a train or a bus and despite many seats being available next to other men, a large man will come and sit next to you? Because you are smaller and an easier target. They have made this subconscious decision you will put up less of a fuss. No doubt encroaching into your space by pushing you off the arm rest and spreading his legs into your seating area. Now he hasn't actually hurt or assaulted you in any way, but none the less he has assumed his bodily needs have more priority over yours. He's has used his natural advantage of size and strength to intimidate you, enter you personal space and take something you had (the arm rest). Most men have no concept of how often this occurs and how intimidating it is. This is why we are conditioned to fear men. Even when it's 'innocent' they are raised and conditions that they are entitled to anything they want at the expense of others.

Rape not tape FFS

ClumzyOwlz, are you for realz? You sound like a MRA pozing as one of the wimminz. Or perhaps you're the delightful and educational Hercules recycled?

Sorry if I've misjudged you, but... "I dress provocatively and seek out the company of dodgy men to prove my fearlessness," said no young woman, ever.

Well, I'm a woman. A mother. And I yes, I used to do exactly that, because the adrenaline rush felt good.

Fenella

Reported me for what? For bit behaving the way you want

But THEN I do have BPD, so dangerous impulsive behaviour could have something to do with it?!

I’ve reported as your post appears goady and designed just to wind people up.

OP, what is your friend supposed to do with that information?

Some women are scared of men. And?

Men are (in general) bigger, stronger and more aggressive than women. Not sure what you expect your friend to do about this. It's not exactly his fault that he was born a man.

Your friend didn't "get it" because there is no context for him. There are also, I imagine, a lot of men who are scared of other bigger, stronger men. Again that information, while factual, is of no use to man nor beast.

What do you want your friend to do?

Agree with you?

Apologise for being born a man?

Why even ask the question?

And as for "looking dangerous"

But THEN I do have BPD, so dangerous impulsive behaviour could have something to do with it?!

That's one hell of a drip feed.

FWIW I was sexually assaulted in the street by a group of men when I was dressed entirely normally, in broad daylight, with other people around. Under 15 years old. I didn't need to go into an alleyway or dress in any special way. Men sexually assault because they can, not because of how women dress or behave.

Men sexually assault because they can, not because of how women dress or behave.

I am aware. I was not trying to say the clothes would make them attack me, rather that the extra thrill I got from dressing that way made me feel more vulnerable, but also more sexually appealing, and therefore made the thrill higher.

Clumzy so you were in fact 'shit scared of men' as you put it, otherwise you wouldn't have felt vulnerable and experienced an adrenaline rush.

Ask him how he’d feel walking down a dark street filled with people who were all at least a foot taller than him, physically built so they could easily beat him up if they chose, and all armed with weapons.

Obviously not all men are violent but they all have the muscles to win a fight with any women / the equipment to force pregnancy, and that is intimidating even without looking ‘rough’.