To be fed up with getting told off every time I go to the dentist?

[ElderAve]

I'm 50 this year and I don't have any fillings. There's nothing wrong with my teeth. I eat a balanced diet hardly any sweets and no fizzy drinks (main because I've never liked them). I'm also probably just a bit lucky with my teeth.

I brush regularly but find flossing really uncomfortable so rarely do it. I see the hygienist three times a year to get rid of any build up.

Every time I go to the dentist or the hygienist, I get another lecture about brushing and flossing. I know technically it's just advice but the tone is definitely "telling off".

Really, I'm a 50yo adult who's teeth are in remarkably good condition, I can't be getting it that badly wrong. And if I do have any failings, I pay these people handsomely to deal with it!

Actually, by this stage in life, I'm not at all convinced such regular visits are necessary, but obviously no dentist is going to tell me that.

@HoldMyLobster do you know what actually it does upset me sometimes

Being told "I'm paying for a service" when you are trying to care for someone's teeth is upsetting. You train for years and actually you just meet a barrage of disrespect for the profession.

Dentists and hygenists are there to treat you. The only way to treat gum disease and inflammation is good oral hygiene including flossing, no amount of hygienist visits will deal with that, only you can. It would be neglectful of me to just sit there and watch you develop gum disease and lose your teeth.

Actually I don't 'lecture' the majority of my patients every time, i like to think i never lecture but lots of patients improve their oral hygiene when we discuss flossing/interdental cleaning. There will be areas that need work, and we work as we go. There's a subset of patients who really don't give a shit, and that's fine.

Sadly there's a subset of patients who will give a shit when they get gum disease, a massive shit and expect us to treat them when they do. But refuse to acknowledge their part. The subset of people who go on about us being there to serve them.

No, I'm not neglecting my teeth orangeshark ... Funny that you assume I am. In fact it sounds like you assume all your patients are, rather than bothering to actually check.*

I'm simply expecting doctors and other health professionals to treat me in a courteous and respectful manner, much like you expect me to treat you.

I am a customer, I am paying my dentist/hygienist, and I am perfectly capable of taking my business elsewhere.

I'm sorry this offends your godlike beingness.

Well said. Some dentists do tend to forget that the people who come to them are CUSTOMERS, and they should be treated with the respect they deserve. Not in any other profession do people treat their customers with such disdain as (some) dentists do ...

As I said, some are fine (and my current one is lovely,) but I have found more bad than I have good. And this thread is living proof that they are not all good, as there are a LOT of people, including me, sharing their (bad) experiences. We cannot all be wrong!

@teagivesmejoy and @Orangeshark are 2 of the most patronising people I have ever seen on here!!!!

Water flosser or air flosser all the way. Pretty sure they are different names for the same thing. Look at reviews on Amazon or ask a member of staff in a big branch of Boots. There's often one on offer.

Much easier than traditional flossing, almost enjoyable. I get less discomfort around my teeth and my gums are in better condition. Cheaper than fillings.

Do the dentists on here recommend a water flosser?

Recently had to change from my daughter's dentist who was lovely to a new one which is private as the practice weren't taking nhs anymore and was too expensive for me at this practice.

I have to stand over and watch her morning and night at almost 13 as she just hates doing it no matter how much I try to get her to brush her teeth.

They honestly are not that bad, could do with flossing as she hates this and mouthwash but uses her electric toothbrush well.

They are honestly not yellow, never had a filling luckily. Doesn't have fizzy drinks or many sweets or anything.

I was told her teeth were extremely bad for someone her age and he continued telling me this as well as the fact (true) and I've been telling her this too.. orthodontist won't fit braces when older as she will need them.

I was prepared for this but not the way he went on for quite a while and made me feel like I was neglecting her. I was so stunned I just kept saying ok, when I felt like asking him to also tell daughter, as I want her to brush her teeth more.

The dental assistant then span round and glared at me! Honestly, neither of them greeted us and it was her first time at a new dentist, just told to sit down and then sent our marching orders.

I don't mind the advice and wanted my daughter to hear too but I was talked down to and daughter was actually shocked and running out of the building as he wasn't welcoming at all!! Maybe I'm just being a snowflake!!

Needing to see a hygienist three times a year to get rid of build up shows what a poor job you’re doing!

Not necessarily. Comments like that don't help people with gum disease I can tell you. I use little brushes, I clean for 10 minutes night and morning, I use floss, I use a water pik. My hygienist and dentist both say there is nothing much more I can do. however, I have gum disease and once every 3 months I have injections to have cleaning and scraping below the gum line that is too painful to have without injection.
I've also spent 2 years at a periodontist having the same but appointments last 1.5 hours.
Gum disease can be caught from another person. In my case, my husband who has lost all his teeth at under 40 and has implants.

2020bluegirl
You are me. I am older than most on here, I suffered with a butcher of a dentist in childhood that filled my mouth with mercury. I was never shown how to brush my teeth as a child. Then I got gum disease (see above). I have lost a lot of teeth but I soldier on doing the best I can with what I've got (implants, bridges of every description.)

The whole thing is very depressing. I have spent so many times in excrutiating pain with abscesses, root canals, infections and held back tears at dentists, periodontists, etc more times than I want to remember.

Keep flossing everyone.

My adult children (late 20s and older) have not even had one filling, they have perfect teeth, lucky sods.

I have spent my life

I spend my life going to the dentist and what I pay is a lot per month on Denplan.

All very depressing

Oh please listen to the dentist when s/he tells you to floss! I didn’t. And now, with perfect teeth (no filings, nice and white) I’m looking at expensive and painful work on my gums. From my perspective, they just went suddenly - but the truth is I just couldn’t see the damage until it was too late. Like you I just resented my dentist.
I really regret this and urge you not to make the same mistake. Floss floss floss.

Everytime i went to dentist they would tell me to book hygenist. Then one time due to cancellation i was at hygenist 1 week before dentist but het they told me i needed to see her so either she was shit at her job or it was a momey making gig

I did fist pumps when I brougt DD4 to the dentist at about age 10 or 11 and she got scolded for her atrocious oral hygiene. The hygienist and dentist both told her in no uncertain terms why her gums were so red and bled so badly and what she would need to do to stop the rot. It was a repeat of what I had been telling her for months.

As a child I had a dentist who used to march children out to the waiting room and tell their parents off if he found evidence of slack brushing and flossing. I saw such a scene on my first visit and vowed that wouldn't happen to me.

When I first went to the dentist in the US I got a good many patronising comments about Irish teeth and Irish dentistry by way of chit chat as I sat in the chair waiting to be told to 'open up'. When the moment finally came the dentist fell silent, because my Irish dentist, while rude, was excellent, and had done some brilliant work way back in the 70s.

Bananaman you didn't have a good hygienist there. I've had good, I've had excellent and I've had not so good. I now pay for the best I can.

I have the same, I had a call today to say my check up is overdue and would I like to book in. No sorry I'm at work I haven't got my diary with me and I'll call back. I hate my dentist she is sooooo patronising her practice only gets one star on reviews. I only keep going because one of my kids has braces top and bottom and needs to see a dentist regularly.

I skipped going to the dentist for 10 years as I couldn't stand the lectures.

About 4 years ago I signed up with the dental business ( yes it's a business and I'm a customer) in my village. At the start of the lecture I said that he was wasting his time and that I wasn't going to start flossing now or ever. I was a bit more diplomatic but that was the gist of it.

Fortunately for him he took me at my word and has never said a word since! He must also have had a word with his hygienist as she says nothing either. They both treat me as an adult and one who is competent to make her own health decisions.

( For the record I have 4 small fillings, the last one was 35 years ago and still doesn't need to be replaced and no gum disease)

I asked the hygienist today if she recommended using a waterpik/ flossed and she said no.

I use Oral B satin tape as I find the floss difficult to use with tight packed teeth. This coated with fluoride I think and it costs between your teeth as well as clearing the crap out.

Also, can’t use teepee brushes as they just bend a teeth are too tight BUT how to you get under the gum line with those? Hygienist has recommended doing this with floss.

I use a funny little brush thing to try and get under the gum. I use Corsodyl or something called Blu which is a gel for people with gum disease, I just splay the brush and try and push it in.

Of course if you have healthy gums you don't need to do this, I however have gum disease I spend my life trying to keep at bay

20 years ago my dentist where I lived told me... save up a fund for your teeth, you're going to need it. She wasn't wrong.

@ElderAve - I am SOOOO jealous!!!

So what do you want dentists to do?

If you are missing areas when you are brushing do you want me to not tell you?
If your gums are inflamed shall I say nothing? If I can see plaque on your teeth should I just ignore it?

Realistically If we are telling you to floss/brush whatever then it means we can see plaque and gingival inflammation. It's really obvious. So I just pretend everything is fine when it isn't?

Honestly I will start treating my patients like customers
"What do you want today, just a check up and a clean?" Okay.
I can see you need a filling but I'm not going to do it unless you ask. I can see you need a clean but only if you request it! Could that be oral cancer...oh well, they didn't mention it!

Obviously I won't do that because I'm not a twat but how far do you go?

It's absolutely fine if you don't want to listen to the dentist. But you have to accept that as a result you will get more dental disease, and if you really don't care about flossing it really doesnt matter if you have to listen to 5 minute spiel each time.

@diddl I have seen some people get on really well with water flossers

I would always say try flossing or interdental brushes first, because I know these work well. However if you don't get on with that, then try a water flosser. I wouldnt recommend one over floss but if someone was struggling with floss I would suggest a water flosser. It's really whatever you find easiest to get on with and what you are going to usw

Orange do you honestly not understand that there is a difference between giving professional advice and giving advice while sounding like a patronising twat?!

It would be nice if dentists read stuff like this thread, and thought about how they could improve their practice, instead of telling people they're twats.

I already do use interdental brushes & floss.

Wondered if a water flosser might give better results?

Looks as if there's a knack to it & I'm happy enough to carry on as I am unless it's so good I'd never have to have my teeth cleaned again!

I am a few weeks late for my check up because I am scared of the dentist and I too get told off. I go every three months.

I have had no fillings but do suffer with receding gums and plaque. I do everything in my power to make my gums better. It's never good enough and I end up feeling told off.

He can be lovely, once when I broke down in front of him he was so kind. Then at other times he can be an arsehole. I touched his worktop once and get very grumpy with me. I have found that if I tell him his room smells clean that puts him in a better mood though.

if you really don't care about flossing it really doesn't matter if you have to listen to 5 minute spiel each time.

For some of us though it does - I've had the lectures in the past and made my decision. Is it unreasonable of me to ask you to respect that?

Perhaps you were the dentist who ensured that I didn't go near a dental professional for 10 years. You sound awfully like them.

I work in dentistry and hear the speeches all the time because some people just don't listen.
It's a preventative. They're telling you to prevent diseases etc.
You might not have any fillings and lucky you but you only visit a hygienist 3 times a year so by not flossing you could imagine all the food that is getting stuck between your teeth.
Your dentist is only telling you this to help you, not tell you off (of course I don't know what tone they said it in)

Stabbitha Mon 20-Jan-20 17:08:20
"I have very good teeth. I think it genetic. No fillings or anything. I'm 36.

I also have horrific gums. They are barely holding in my perfect teeth.

Something to consider"

You might like to check out drellie.com/
(just advice - no cost - you don't need to but anything from the website)

I used the site as inspiration and used Colgate Fluorigard before brushing and a listerine mouthwash and then Ultradex after brushing and my gums were transformed (over a year or two). I went from the dentist always nagging me and inflamed gums to being told my cleaning was very good etc. Now my gums are stable I just use Ultradex after brushing and 3 monthly hygienist clean to make sure all is well. The site advocates Xylitol but be careful as it doesn't agree with everybody's tummy.

I know that when you suffer with gum problems simply brushing more often/for longer/more thoroughly does not sort them out.