To be fed up with getting told off every time I go to the dentist?

[ElderAve]

I'm 50 this year and I don't have any fillings. There's nothing wrong with my teeth. I eat a balanced diet hardly any sweets and no fizzy drinks (main because I've never liked them). I'm also probably just a bit lucky with my teeth.

I brush regularly but find flossing really uncomfortable so rarely do it. I see the hygienist three times a year to get rid of any build up.

Every time I go to the dentist or the hygienist, I get another lecture about brushing and flossing. I know technically it's just advice but the tone is definitely "telling off".

Really, I'm a 50yo adult who's teeth are in remarkably good condition, I can't be getting it that badly wrong. And if I do have any failings, I pay these people handsomely to deal with it!

Actually, by this stage in life, I'm not at all convinced such regular visits are necessary, but obviously no dentist is going to tell me that.

Be brazen.

I just say that I dont have time to floss every day. Ive got terrible teeth genetically and get plaque build up within a few hours and calculus within a few days. My teeth stain terribly too so I’m forever getting them cleaned.

I think you have to gently remind them that theyre service providers and you’re a paying customer. Be as patronising to them as they are to you.

I also kept getting a lecture about not flossing enough and smoking cigarettes, now my doctor never mentions me smoking so I don’t need a lecture off of the dentist about it, my anxiety before a dental appointment was that bad that I ended up changing dentists and one of the first things I said to my new dentist was ‘yes I smoke, yes it’s bad for me and I’m an adult so don’t need a lecture about it so please refrain from doing so’, and he held up his hands and smiled and said that he wasn’t there to tell me what to do!

I regret not letting my dentist know that she was annoying me, she was also a good dentist but she was doing my head in.

Let your dentist know and/or change them.

I go to the dentist once a year and hygienist twice a year. I floss most nights and use tepee brushes, an electric toothbrush and mouth wash. Last week was the first time I was told I was doing really well and there was only one bit of bleeding - I was shocked! Despite always doing the same I usually get a polite lecture. She still managed to scrape stuff off a few teeth though. I think some people are definitely more prone to gathering plaque no matter how much attention they give their teeth - Dh is prime example. He is religious about tooth cleaning but still has build up of plaque. The best hygienist I've seen at the smiley giving out was ds's orthodontists hygienist. She'd be all smiles while ramming dental floss in between his teeth and, with the best will in the world, no amount of flossing was going to prevent bleeding when that was being done. When leaving after his last visit (after many years) I said, 'aw imagine you're finished here now' - his reply 'thank fuck for that!'

No I haven't been for 3 years

I was asking the OP why she goes three times a year, not replying to your post about not going. Should have been more specific - sorry.

Since I started using these (actually the blue ones) my relationship with my hygienist has changed completely. I was there today and she said how good my gums were!

Yes I get the lecture too. I haven't had a filling since school I just don't floss enough. well chances are I might not ever floss enough. It's on me / now she's telling me about the red flags for heart disease and not flossing enough. Which I knew about anyway.

But I still don't floss enough - it's my choice

I'm totally with you. I had an excellent dentist for many years. He asked if I flossed and I said no, he then said that well I was obviously doing fine without it and didn't need to floss, and that was that. I had checkups with him every 18 months because he said there was no point doing them more frequently, as my teeth were fine. Receding gums very slightly on some teeth, but not badly so and not changing from year to year, so all fine.

Then he moved abroad last year and I saw a new dentist a few months ago. Before I even opened my mouth, she asked if I flossed and I said no because... and before I could finish the sentence she interrupted to properly tell me off for not flossing and that I absolutely MUST floss every day. She then checked my teeth and said they were excellent. I asked if there were any bits or plaque or tartar or anything in between them, and she said no, but that I must floss. I asked why, bearing in mind my previous dentist had said it was fine, and she said it prevented tartar build up between the teeth. She then told me that 18 month appointments were very dangerous and that I must come back in 9 months. I asked why and she said that it was just "the best way". She then charged me double what the old guy charged and tried to book me in for an x ray next time.

No way am I going back to her! And I'll tell the practice so when they next try and book me in.

The lack of respect actually for health care professionals on this thread is quite shocking. You are patients not customers - a dentist/hygienist isn't there to do what you what they are there to treat you.

The dental practice I visit is a business, and I'm a customer, and I'm quite happy to take my business (and money) elsewhere.

I find this. Always feel like I'm being told off. I'm 43

Every dentist I have ever had has talked to me like I'm a piece of shit with the IQ of a lugworm. My teeth are bad, I know that. I had quite a neglected childhood. I didn't learn how to brush my teeth properly until I was 14 when I read it in Cosmo. My first dentist visit was at 17. Pregnancy made them a whole lot worse - I even had to have one pulled in my 2nd pregnancy, despite several attempts to save it.

But I do everything I can to take care of them. I floss & use interdental brushes, I use an electric toothbrush that cost more than a weeks wages, a waterpik, I don't drink tea (and I have only just started drinking coffee and I use a straw) or juice or wine or fizzy drinks. I brush, or at least rinse, after eating starchy foods but my teeth are still awful.

I'm obsessed with my children's dental hygiene. I do my absolute best to keep them in tip top shape and yet my oldest's teeth are quite bad. He has a filling at 9 years old and he had one extracted at 7. The patronising lectures I get from the dentist make me feel about 2 inches tall. They never, ever listen or believe me when I try to explain our brushing routines. I pretty much want to cry after every visit and my 9 year old has also started feeling that guilt and shame.

@53rdWay my friend (50) has perfect teeth and has only been to the dentist four times (with sedation). She drinks, smokes and eats sugar and never flosses. It’s so unfair.

Shiny your old dentist was shite and your new one sounds decent! Poor dentists are health professionals, the advice they are giving is for your benefit.

For those of you that use those tee-pee brushes do they ever get stuck?
DH has really bad gums so the dentist got him started on these a couple of years ago. However they are regularly getting stuck in his teeth and I have to remove them. It’s often quite difficult and I worry I am damaging his teeth more.
Really puts me off using them

I'm 56. I have deep pockets and excessive plaque (dad did, one of my 3 kids does as well). My teeth are great, my gums are not (without lots of care).
I use a Phillips sonicare electric brush, a waterpik water flosser & floss daily, as well as have cleaning/root planing 4x/yr. This is keeping my teeth where they're supposed to be. The under gum bacterial load increases after about 3 months and I start to notice inflammation. I did end up with an under gumline cavity that required oral surgery. If I didn't do all this I'd have lost some teeth.

It really hacks me off being 'told off' by the dentist and hygienist.

@Fairyliz did he have a good clean at the dentist? Where they do beneath the gum line too?

Is he using the right size?

And actually to the Pp who said the lack of respect for healthcare providers is shocking...respect is earned. Not given because you've got some letters after your name.

I need to find a new one. I stopped going to mine because he would always have a go about my tongue and lip bar. Even my fucking dad has got over them now. He was private too! Cancelled it and now work pay so I need to find a new one. I’ve got build up and stains because of being undiagnosed coeliac for so long but I’m just too anxious to go and be belittled while the dickhead has his grotty fingers in my mouth.
He also made me bork once then told me off for that. I got mad that time though

You have been very lucky, no fillings, yes, sometimes its annoying being lectured by professionals, BUT, if you have to see a hygenist 3 times in a year, you arent doing a proper job, plus, most people loose their teeth through gum desease, not tooth decay, and cleaning between your teeth prevents build up of baceria that can cause heart problems. I would rather floss, than have to see a hygenist, they really hurt, I do floss twice a day, and havent had to see a hygenist for about 10 years now.

@Fairyliz The brushes are for larger gaps. If they are getting stuck then you need a smaller brush. But the plastic dental sticks (easypik, etc.) are much better. I never floss and only occasionally use brushes on the larger gaps.

Whats a water flosser?

fairy I've never been able to use brushes, my gaps are too tight. I always use oral B essential floss.

@Mycatismadeofstringcheese I just got a fairly cheap amazon one, brand is insmart
Was about £22

YANBU OP! My dentist is a brilliant dentist but terrible with people. She's rude, condescending and stern. She also cancels every appointment that I have and I am told to ring them up so I can reschedule my appointment! (Then there's no available appointments for 4 months >.> because they cancelled mine last minute).

But yes, she's terrible at customer service. She actually started an argument with me last time I went and then had the cheek to say to me: "Oh, I do hope you are not arguing with me!" like a teacher and a chlld who had spoken back. Pffft. She is an utter bitch and I am looking to move to a different dentist. But I am worried that although another dentist might be a nice person [not a complete arsehole] , they might not necessarily be great at being a dentist. So I'm torn.

I haven't been to the dentist in years because of being lectured. I have a rather bad case of depression, bugger all support for it and two kids to take care of, naturally they come first so when my MH slips it's taking care of myself that falls by the wayside. My last dentist visit resulted in me bawling my eyes out because he said I was making excuses and I was just lazy for not taking care of my teeth - there wasn't even anything wrong with them at the time! Now I think there's something up but I'm just ignoring it because I don't want to be belittled for doing the best I can with my shit MH. I understand they're medical professionals, but a bit of compassion wouldn't hurt.

Since I moved house my current dentist is great and the hygienist is so nice too. I was nervous the first time I saw them, thought I was in for a real telling off because I'd let me oral hygiene slip and had some plague. The hygienist was so lovely about it and really put me at ease. I enjoy going now. I agree about changing dentist. Since I started my current one, I really enjoy going.