To be fed up with getting told off every time I go to the dentist?

[ElderAve]

I'm 50 this year and I don't have any fillings. There's nothing wrong with my teeth. I eat a balanced diet hardly any sweets and no fizzy drinks (main because I've never liked them). I'm also probably just a bit lucky with my teeth.

I brush regularly but find flossing really uncomfortable so rarely do it. I see the hygienist three times a year to get rid of any build up.

Every time I go to the dentist or the hygienist, I get another lecture about brushing and flossing. I know technically it's just advice but the tone is definitely "telling off".

Really, I'm a 50yo adult who's teeth are in remarkably good condition, I can't be getting it that badly wrong. And if I do have any failings, I pay these people handsomely to deal with it!

Actually, by this stage in life, I'm not at all convinced such regular visits are necessary, but obviously no dentist is going to tell me that.

That last post was written so badly so I expect a telling off from mumsnet

This is why I've been putting off the dentist, due to the bloody lecture. So bloody counter-productive.

I'm tempted to tell them I'm paying for a service, not a lecture.

@HarrietThePi gosh I didn't know poor oral hygiene gave you plague!

This is awful. I have a mouthful of fillings and crowns, grew up in the 70s and my dentist is nhs and fab. Tells me I do a really good job of cleaning them and to keep it up.

He is early 40s, educated at a very respectable dental school and RG uni, has DC my DC age and is just an all round good guy. He isn’t dodging the truth though as he has given DD a home truth talk once about drinking too much fizzy pop.

Get yourself a new dentist, and if you meet Tim, aged early 40s with three adult DC, try and get yourself on his patient list.

@HoldMyLobster don't be a twat. Dentists have years of training and experience. I am not just providing whatever service you want. I am treating you. I can not treat you if you like and just watch you neglect your teeth

I am sorry but patients like you just make me want to give up. You are basically asking a someone to clean all the shite off your teeth, deal with the smells (and yes calculus smells) etc. That comes with it. Yes I am happy to do this as its my job, if you treat us with respect but going in with a "I am the customer" shite makes it a pretty thankless task.

Dentists in general seem to be holier than thou at the minute. I remember one lovely dentist saying to me "If a plate was still dirty after you'd washed it, would you put it on the drying rack?".
My answer was
"If you were paying for a service, would you put up with rude, patronising lectures from the provider?"

He went bright red and was still stammering apologies as I stormed out the door.

@ElderAve

I hear ya!

I will never forgive the dental industry for doing unnecessary work to make more money (back in the 1970s and early 80s,) leaving a whole load of people who are 50-62-ish now, with a mouthful of mercury and amalgam, (and some with 22-23 teeth or less, and half of them filled!!!)

In addition, I am also sick of the telling off I have always had from every dentist I have ever had, for 'not looking after my teeth properly.' Well ya know what... if it wasn't for you feckers drilling and filling and extracting teeth for cash when my generation were young, my teeth would be better. (And also, they aren't THAT bad, not for a woman in her mid 50s!)

I swear to GOD that my teeth would be better if I had never been to a dentist. I mean they are OK, but not brilliant. I am not afraid to smile, but on a scale of 1-10, they are a 5. DH's are the same. Pretty OK, but not brilliant, and like me, he has most of the back ones filled.

My DC and their friends are a 10. Beautiful teeth all of them.

When my DC were young (late 90s/early noughties.) and I used to take them to the dentist, one particular dentist used to say how lovely their teeth were, and 'they are soooo much better than your mum and dad's teeth!.' He also said 'keep looking after them so you don't end up with teeth like your parents.'

My DD said to him after about the 4th or 5th time he had said something like this 'my mum's teeth are fine! Why are you saying that?' I was so impressed that she stuck up for me. I just felt awkward and embarrassed and never said anything.

He just laughed and changed the subject. After that, my DD said she no longer wanted to go to him. So we went on another dentists list and moved 6-8 months later... And as I said, my teeth aren't awful, and my smile is OK, but the teeth at the back are all filled and/or crowned.

Anyway, some years later I registered with a lovely new dentist (in 2015) when we moved areas, and was allocated a lovely lady in her 30s. She has perfect teeth and yet has never ever gone on at me about mine. She is lovely, and says my teeth are OK, and doesn't slag me off. Same with DH. He said she is the best dentist he has ever been to.

Oh and like @managedmis I ALSO get sick of the hairdresser having a go at me... I lighten my own hair (not paying £70 a time when I can do it for £5,) and when I go for a cut, I keep getting told I NEED to have it lightened professionally. Oddly it looks just the same as THEIR colour! They NEED my £70 every 6 weeks more like!!!

@Orangeshark

No, not ALL dentists are bad, but sadly me and DH (like many posters on here) have experienced more bad than good. So the 'not all dentists are like that brigade' can just do one. Including YOU.

Many people have had bad experiences (for many years) and are entitled to say that without being 'scolded' by the likes of you. You have no right to tell people they should not be voicing their opinions, and telling their story on here. SO jog on eh?

There is a lot of research that links heart disease and gum disease so I'd be slightly more concerned that the dentist isn't being patronising or giving you a telling off but is actually telling you because they are truest concerned.

Interesting that this came up today. This morning I went to the hygienist for the first time in over 20years! She was lovely and actually said my teeth were very good and certainly didn’t reflect that time period.

I don’t smoke, I floss daily and brush my teeth twice a day and she said this was why I didn’t have a big problem with tartar.

The problem for me is really crap teeth since childhood. I’m late 40s and still get fillings at least once a year and now they are replacing the old ones. No matter how clean I keep my mouth I am still having to have them. It’s very unfair!

I go to the hygienist 4 times a year. I have an electric toothbrush and I brush and use interdental sticks. The dentist is absolutely great but the last time I saw the hygienist she more or less called me a liar. I have terrible plaque build up but can’t seem to prevent it reoccurring.

@orangeshark come to the dark side, you won't miss patients...

You're right they should just tell you what you want to hear 🙄 its professional advice, it would be wrong not to tell you.

You might not need so many appointments if you followed it. You know gingivitis leads to periodontitis leads to losing your teeth? Course you do, you get the lecture every time...

HoldMyLobster don't be a twat. Dentists have years of training and experience. I am not just providing whatever service you want. I am treating you. I can not treat you if you like and just watch you neglect your teeth

No, I'm not neglecting my teeth. Funny that you assume I am. In fact it sounds like you assume all your patients are, rather than bothering to actually check.

I'm simply expecting doctors and other health professionals to treat me in a courteous and respectful manner, much like you expect me to treat you.

I am a customer, I am paying my dentist/hygienist, and I am perfectly capable of taking my business elsewhere.

I'm sorry this offends your godlike beingness.

@Mrsmorton very tempted....

@Orangeshark as a fellow dental professional I couldn't agree more!
What people STILL don't grasp is that you can have the greatest teeth in the world and yet if you don't floss/clean interdentally.... they're gone.
Fillings or not. Decayed or not.
Honestly I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall daily.
If as a grown adult, you can't grasp simple hygiene instructions then yes, occasionally it will appear that we are speaking to you as a child.
When you ignore our advice, then come back to us when the teeth are mobile, what can we do?
NOTHING!
Dentistry= 10% office, 90% home.

I just lie now. I cannot, cannot floss. Or use the little brushes, even the smallest ones. My bottom teeth are so tightly crammed in that there is not room to push anything between them. I even asked one dentist to demonstrate at the end of the appointment and she couldn't get the little fucking loo brush in the gaps.

I had a great dentist for about a year and a half who I was honest with, said I don't floss, I can't, I hate it, nothing fits. He said as a rule you are better off flossing, recommended a water pick but understand they were expensive, but then admitted that as none of my previous decay (fillings from teen years) was between teeth, there were no current issues with my teeth, and considering I'd not seen a dentist at all in 7 years before seeing him (student, moved a lot, couldn't get one) and yet my teeth were absolutely fine, I could probably carry on doing what I was doing.

So now I just say "yep, I do, but not every day." The hygienist appointments at my dental practice are only for if the dentist recommends you, and I haven't been recommended - I asked, dentist said no need.

Water pik is sooo much better than flossing and makes your mouth feel so much cleaner. I got this one.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07R48CY9S/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o08_s01?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

Use it once a day, start on the low setting and be careful because you will soak yourself until you get used to it.

OrangeShark - the utter epitome of every patronising dentist we have all met.

I agree with everyone else; I loathe going to the dentist because of the lecturing. I know my teeth are shit; I'm prone to gum disease despite my best efforts and obsession with oral hygiene. I have had so much work done over the years and nothing appears to help. I realise I'm likely to lose my teeth.

I don't need a fucking telling off about it to make my day even shittier. Dentists never used to be like this. They just used to tell you that you needed a filling/extraction and get on with it. Just stop with the patronising lectures to adults.

@TimeforanotherChange @Orangeshark yes.....but if we don't give you this advice, and you decide to sue, who's the loser?
Us. The people who try in vain to help you.
Madness.

@teagivesmejoy

But most dentists don't just 'give advice..' They patronise, and talk down to people, and treat adults (older than them quite often,) like idiotic fools who are too stupid to function.

I would hate this. I know my teeth are crap and I’m embarrassed enough about it. It takes me a lot to keep my appointments at the dentist, I don’t think being told off does any good.

If as a grown adult, you can't grasp simple hygiene instructions then yes, occasionally it will appear that we are speaking to you as a child.

Can you understand why those of us with bad teeth/gums, who religiously do everything we are told to do and yet STILL have problems, might get a teensy bit prickly when our dental professionals decide that we “can’t grasp simple hygiene instructions”?

I would put up with ANY amount of being patronised if it was actually bloody helpful. Treating me like I’m lying is not helpful.

(I know it’s not all dentists. I’ve had lovely dentists. Really miss my last one.)

Hate it too and get terrible anxiety before going to dentist or hygienist.Because I have implants I worry sick about them. I do have a nice hygienist now and I will only see her and do go back. Telling me off just keeps me away! Today I got my first good feedback ever because I invested in a water flosser and clearly it is working. Only one small area of bleeding. The relief!