To think this is a bit weird?

[poppymatilda]

So my mum sometimes comes to visit. For context: She's a bit difficult/eccentric and I find her visits a bit challenging but I go along with them because it's better than going to her house and I want DD to know her granny - anyway that's a whole other story and not the subject of this post.

One thing she often does when she visits is change into her nighty at tea time. She'll then have dinner with us and sit downstairs all evening in just her nighty, no underwear or anything. She put her legs up on the sofa the other day and flashed DH! She's in her late 60s and wears t-shirt material nighties from M&S. Is it me or is this a bit odd?

My DH and I don't stand on ceremony at home - I'll usually change into a hoody and leggings when I get home for the day but somehow that seems a bit different to me than a nighty. When I suggested she wear clothes in the evening she got all defensive and said I should make her feel at home in my house not dictate how she dresses which made me think IABU...

Another one wondering about her health OP? Could she be unwell? My Dad was an extremely private man until he was admitted to hospital (was unbeknown to anyone that he was in fact terminally ill)
When I went to visit he was laid in bed uncovered with everything flopping out to the whole ward. According to the nurses and DH this wasn't the only time either.

@cousinboneless Exactly that

How embarrassing. She is doing this deliberately, isn't she? So I don't think tactful ideas like buying her PJs will work.

How old is DD? Could you say something about DM's odd behaviour disturbing DD, or perhaps she's worried her Grandma is not well? Or just say straight out it's embarrassing for DD to see her grandmother exposing herself and she has to stop. Would she then launch into some mad tirade at DD? - that would be bad, but maybe you have to risk this.

I do think you have to tackle her. Sorry, it's easy for me to say though I'd find it hard to do. If she won't stop flashing, ban her from your house and visit her instead. If she wants to enjoy your hospitality, that might persuade her.

Best of luck, OP. I really feel for you.

Can anybody explain why not wearing a bra is disrespectful please? The op says her mum wears a nighty so I’m assuming her breasts are covered. I honestly don’t see how it’s offensive!
Admittedly, it’s unorthodox to change into nightwear as a guest in someone else’s home and I would be uncomfortable seeing anyone’s genitals (this is trauma based so not sure I can give an unbiased opinion on that).

YABU Freedom for all flaps!

You do seem to be under reacting here OP. It's almost like you feel you don't have a voice and what your mother says goes. You know you actually can tell her straight to get some underwear on. It's not unreasonable. You know that right?

Really??
We had this exact post a few weeks ago.
Right down to flashing DH.
There must be a lot of disinhibited grandmas out there

Your house = your rules. I remember as a child being told l could do what l wanted when l had my own house. Now l do own my own house, my mum doesn't seem to respect that. I have noticed my Mum doesn't like to follow my house rules and my MIL isn't thrilled but tough. No knickers on someone else's sofa is beyond grim

Could you maybe buy her some loungewear with she feels comfy but isn’t on show? Like joggers and a T-shirt with hidden support? Act like it’s a gift and you want her to feel comfy at your house and not have to worry about her sil seeing something by accident so thought you’d treat her? Idk how she’d take it but worth a shot?

I would question if she’s in pain or menopause. when I suddenly started the menopause after surgery there was a period when I was constantly so hot I wanted to cry and I couldn’t wait to get home and wear the least amount of clothing I could. When I stayed with my best friend for a week in the house I would wear a sports bra, a thin strappy long top and cropped leggings and j was still too hot.
Similarly more recently after a surgery that was for an intimate problem wearing underwear was horribly uncomfortable.

I’m not saying it’s appropriate to be so undressed your husband isn’t comfortable but calling her slobby and gross and those kinds of things is really nasty. Perhaps there is more to it.

I told her and she just laughed and said we have to accept her and her ways

The correct response to this is "No, Mum, it's my home and so I don't have to accept it. Please put some more clothes on."

it's basic good manners in somebody else's house not to swing your tits about or flash your vulva to your hosts. Who on earth thinks that's acceptable? Fucksake.

I. WAS. DRUNK!!!! And I said I was sorry!!! I take I'm not invited back then @TheFormidableMrsC ?!

she got all defensive and said I should make her feel at home in my house not dictate how she dresses which made me think IABU

You’re not dictating HOW she dresses, just that she dresses!!

Tell her knickers are not negotiable in YOUR house... which as a ‘guest’ SHE needs to accept.

Or just tell her to stay in her own home if wearing knickers is beyond her!

I hope the ‘flashing’ was accidental - if not that’s beyond fucking grim & she’d be told to pack it in.

Thought I simply can’t imagine my mum ever flashing at anyone on purpose, let alone my DH

Explain the situation to some of your friends and have them turn up "unannounced" in the evening. Just happened to be passing by, yes, yes, come in for a cuppa. Repeat until she gets the message.

@cousinboneless Flob with abandon and no shame.

I think this is the best sentence I have ever read.

Currently flobbing. Its lovely.

Would I flob anywhere but in the house I paid for when my kids are in bed? Nope.

Extremely weird 😳🙈
extremely boundary pushing 😳🙈
Just awful please don't flame me but she hasn't got early onset dementia or something has she

Well you could go down the road of telling her that you want to make an appointment at the doctors for her as she is showing signs of dementia (dementia patients can lose a lot of their inhibitions) not saying that she has dementia but it might take that smile of her face if you really push it.

Though I think that you need to put your big girl pants on (sorry) and make her put hers on at least. I would be insisting on a dressing gown or PJ's. Your and your dh's house and rules. Also you don't want your kids talking about this at school.

OP just so you don’t feel alone this is what my DM is like and she has flashed several ex boyfriends of mine/Dsis

It’s a nightmare, my whole life that I can remember she has been in a nightie with no bra or underpants in the evenings regardless of company

She just has zero shame but it’s mortifying

Fwiw I “flob” when everyone’s in bed so not totally against it but absolutely not until I get into the bed alone

The answer is that you and your husband have a right to feel comfortable in your own home and that overides her feeling "at home" enough to flash her bits at all and sundry.

Or alternatively invite some broad minded friends to pop in for coffee in the evening...and embarass her into more decorum

Still lolling at flobbing

@PyongyangKipperbang

You can flob and flash as much as you like in my house...but if my mother was still alive and did it...hell no!!!!!

PS : Also flobbing, but it's just me and the cat so that's OK

I’m trying to sneakily read Mumsnet in bed on my phone and not wake DH, but “flobbing” made me laugh loud enough to wake the whole household.

Oh ffs - ageism 😱 slut shaming 😱 body shaming 😱

She is an older woman (that's not ageist). Nobody's calling her a slut, but the PP mentioning slut shaming (and that's a fucking stretch to call it slut shaming). Body shaming? No - just the OP, her DP & DD don't want to see the woman's fanny!

Always some folk quick with this bs.

but ffs, her old, hairy minge dragging all over my sofa?

Would it be acceptable if it was a youthful minge with a Brazilian?