To think this is a bit weird?

[poppymatilda]

So my mum sometimes comes to visit. For context: She's a bit difficult/eccentric and I find her visits a bit challenging but I go along with them because it's better than going to her house and I want DD to know her granny - anyway that's a whole other story and not the subject of this post.

One thing she often does when she visits is change into her nighty at tea time. She'll then have dinner with us and sit downstairs all evening in just her nighty, no underwear or anything. She put her legs up on the sofa the other day and flashed DH! She's in her late 60s and wears t-shirt material nighties from M&S. Is it me or is this a bit odd?

My DH and I don't stand on ceremony at home - I'll usually change into a hoody and leggings when I get home for the day but somehow that seems a bit different to me than a nighty. When I suggested she wear clothes in the evening she got all defensive and said I should make her feel at home in my house not dictate how she dresses which made me think IABU...

@OhMeows 😂

YANBU about the flashing. YABU expecting her to wear a bra.

My mum will Change into her nighty but she wears a pair of knickers and wears a dressing gown over the top, always after dinner, she is 72 and tiny so not much boob movement either.. 😄this in her own house, but when she visits us they leave about 4.30pm before it gets dark.. 😄

The laughing about this makes it seem she's doing it on purpose. She needs to respect your home and your family. It's grim.

That's foul

Agre the laughing makes me think it's on purpose. And no woman reaches her late sixties and accidentally flashes her genitalia.

Could she think your husband likes it? And that she's being all sexy?

YANBU. And perfectly within your rights to point out that she may be like that in her own home, but your home means your rules. Also, you may point out that it is not setting a good example for your DD.

I wonder if the 4% that think YABU are flashers

This thread has made me lol.

Flobbing?!!

Flu and his cock or dh with a too short T-short on.
Too funny.

Op, you need to shock your dm into not flobbing.

Tell her you absolutely do not have to accept her flashing. In her house she wears what she wants, in your house she respects all members of the family

Yuck, that's grossly inappropriate, who does that?

Even when I stayed at my grans when I was a kid she didn't change until about 9pm and she always put a dressing gown on over her nightie.

Tell her to stop being a perv or she's not allowed back!

Nope. Not OK at all. Bloody hell, I don't mind changing into PJ's at somebody else's house but it'll be a leggings/sweat combo and will always have undies on as nobody wants to see my boobs drop a foot when my bra comes off. What on earth is she thinking? I think it's attention seeking, competition with you over your husband possibly? Get her a onesie...or an oversized dressing gown and tell her nobody wants to see her fanjo thanks very much. Gross.

Nightie wouldn't bother me. Lack of underwear would.

Grim. Have you told her you and dh find it very uncomfortable? Yes, she should be welcome in your home, but she shouldn’t be making you feel uncomfortable in your home!

I'm more with the PP who said no fanny on my sofa

I mean, I wouldn't want to see it either, or even think about it, but ffs, her old, hairy minge dragging all over my sofa? Not a fucking chance. Filthy mare.

poppymatilda Sun 19-Jan-20 21:40:54
I told her and she just laughed and said we have to accept her and her ways
........
That is just what you do not have to accept. I can't even begin to imagine why your mother thinks its ok to sit in your house like that.
Does she have to actually stay with you? She certainly needs to be told.

Nighty for dinner would bother me. Nighty with no underwear for dinner would bother me even more.

....said we have to accept her and her ways

And I'd have replied "Not in OUR house we don't. Either put on pants and a dressing gown or stay upstairs. You must 'accept our ways' or you won't be invited back."

Anyone who hands out the 'It's just my way' or 'I'm a guest, cater to me' when pulling shit like that needs to be put down hard.

Maybe stop body shaming her? There’s nothing wrong with floppy boobs! Why should women wear bras if they don’t want to? Really? Why? What’s so wrong with the female body that you can’t stand seeing/having an idea of what it looks like naked? Would I dress like this in front of family? No, I know that I’ll have to put up with this nonsense. Would I judge someone else for it? Hell no.

@QueenOfOversharing why does it matter that she’s ‘old’. Does that somehow make her ‘minge’ worse?

I'd echo a PP's comment about her health. Are you she's OK? My DM had breast cancer and a mastectomy and for a couple of years afterwards she wore some very inappropriate outfits - often dresses so short she was flashing her underwear at family lunches, etc. It was very difficult and embarrassing. After a couple of years it sort of resolved itself and she now dresses much more normally (for her) - I think it was a bizarre reaction to the radical changes in her body. I suppose what I am wondering is, has your mum been through anything similar, OP?

*jist to be clear I accept your house your rules but I think that the fetishising of nudity is pervy and the disgust expressed towards older women’s bodies is both ageist and deeply misogynistic. YANBU to want her to respect you but YABU to think thisway.

What’s so wrong with the female body that you can’t stand seeing/having an idea of what it looks like naked

Seriously? You think it's ok for her to be giving the ops husband an idea of what she looks like naked over the dinner table?

Buy her some lovely pjs. Oblige her to wear them.

Could you buy her a nice long dressing gown (and maybe turn the heating down a bit too) so that she can still feel comfy but is a bit more covered?