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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit weird?

147 replies

poppymatilda · 19/01/2020 20:47

So my mum sometimes comes to visit. For context: She's a bit difficult/eccentric and I find her visits a bit challenging but I go along with them because it's better than going to her house and I want DD to know her granny - anyway that's a whole other story and not the subject of this post.

One thing she often does when she visits is change into her nighty at tea time. She'll then have dinner with us and sit downstairs all evening in just her nighty, no underwear or anything. She put her legs up on the sofa the other day and flashed DH! She's in her late 60s and wears t-shirt material nighties from M&S. Is it me or is this a bit odd?

My DH and I don't stand on ceremony at home - I'll usually change into a hoody and leggings when I get home for the day but somehow that seems a bit different to me than a nighty. When I suggested she wear clothes in the evening she got all defensive and said I should make her feel at home in my house not dictate how she dresses which made me think IABU...

OP posts:
cousinboneless · 19/01/2020 22:49

Stop body shaming her?! No one needs to see their mums vulva on display. Nor does their husband or children. Don't be ridiculous.

Original poster
poppymatilda · 19/01/2020 22:49

Do you all sit at the dinner table with her in her nighty?

@Jollitwiglet Yes, that's exactly what we do! I just find it weird and a bit slobby

OP posts:
QueenOfOversharing · 19/01/2020 22:51

@Reginabambina no, it was merely a descriptor. I wouldn't want anybody's minge on my sofa.

messolini9 · 19/01/2020 22:53

she got all defensive and said I should make her feel at home in my house not dictate how she dresses which made me think IABU...

Fucksake, remind her that DH also needs to feel at home in - you know, his HOME, & not have to avert his gaze from unwelcome flashes of wardrobe fail.
She can put on some comfortable leggings or pj trousers on underneath, can't she?

Original poster
poppymatilda · 19/01/2020 22:54

@Reginabambina

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Amazing

OP posts:
Clevererthanyou · 19/01/2020 22:55

To echo a pp why is an older woman’s vulva (specifically) more disgusting than all others? Confused And what is with the slut shaming of a braless woman? Hmm are tits that offensive? I can’t bring myself to be particularly bothered about body parts that are covered up.

MarthasGinYard · 19/01/2020 22:55

At least buy her PJ's for next Christmas

What a Grim experience for all

MarthasGinYard · 19/01/2020 22:56

'What would people say if their fil kept swinging his cock through the gap in his dressing gown?'

Grin

Eeeeuuuuuuuu

SirVixofVixHall · 19/01/2020 22:57

Lots of ageism on this thread Hmm
Braless in a nightie wouldn’t remotely bother me , flashing would give me a shock but probably also make me laugh. Are they the shortish nighties ? I know some people don’t wear pants to bed, probably she never has and lols around in just a nightie when at home home.
I imagine it was a random accidental flash ? Is she absolutely refusing to keep her pants on ?
As an aside, your house must be v warm op.

HazelBite · 19/01/2020 23:03

I would be furious with her sitting at the table in her nightie, and would tell her to take her food upstairs on a tray to her room, I think its very disrepectful for her to behave like this in the OP's home.
How she dresses behaves in her own place is one thing, but as a visitor she is being completely disrespectful to the OP.

Original poster
poppymatilda · 19/01/2020 23:03

I guess my whole life I've just wanted her to be like a normal mum and here I am, almost middle aged, just wanting her to sit at the dinner table wearing clothes. Sometimes you have to accept the hand you are dealt I suppose!

OP posts:
cousinboneless · 19/01/2020 23:03

I said vulva because "specifically" that's the correct reference to what was on show. So you're okay with that being on show in front of others? "Specifically" the woman's daughter, husband and children? Braless but covered, just about acceptable when you're doing it in someone else's home. More than that, really? Mumsnet is a weird place sometimes. By all means PP, go free and flob it all about if that's what makes you comfortable. Flob with abandon and no shame. Doesn't mean your audience will be okay with it.

MumofTinies · 19/01/2020 23:04

Sounds like she enjoys making people uncomfortable. It's very wierd. I really think you need to take a firm stance with her OP. I would feel very upset if FIL sat on the sofa flashing and DH didn't put a stop to it.

messolini9 · 19/01/2020 23:04

I told her and she just laughed and said we have to accept her and her ways

Oooh, controlling ... refusing to accept anyone else's feelings, comfortable with making you & especially DH uncomfortable ... it's a power-play OP.

Tell again, when she gives you the same nonsense, YOU laugh & say "don't be ridiculous, I don't allow anyone to make my family feel uncomfortable in our own home, your flashing is disrespectful to DH & if you can't cover up you can stay home."

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/01/2020 23:05

Body shaming Slut shaming Hmm

Such ridiculous bloody comments. No, it's basic good manners in somebody else's house not to swing your tits about or flash your vulva to your hosts. Who on earth thinks that's acceptable? Fucksake.

messolini9 · 19/01/2020 23:06

I would feel very upset if FIL sat on the sofa flashing and DH didn't put a stop to it.

Exactly. Flashers have an agenda. It's not sexual, it's dominance.
Just because it's a woman doesn't make it ok.

HannaYeah · 19/01/2020 23:07

Any woman or man that went around like that in our house would not be invited back. Her laughing when you express discomfort makes me think she’s trying to make you uncomfortable.

Does she dress like this in her own house?

Sagradafamiliar · 19/01/2020 23:08

Unbelievable.

cousinboneless · 19/01/2020 23:09

@TheFormidableMrsC Body positive snowflakes who are trying so hard to empower others (without being asked) that they'll post their all important opinion without bothering to properly read OPs posts. Aka LISTENTOWHATIHAVETOSAY.

OrchidJewel · 19/01/2020 23:12

Oh my god of course you just want her to wear clothes, Im picturing my own mother doing that with horror

SirVixofVixHall · 19/01/2020 23:12

Buy her a multi pack of sturdy pants and tell her she has to wear them. (I know several women who never wear bras anyway, braless is a non issue to me)

Fr0g · 19/01/2020 23:15

well that's a different way for DD to get to know granny!

I often change into PJ's (don't wear them in bed) - including when staying at my sisters, or with a good friend I often visit - but not really early in the evening - and always with underwear & usually a cardigan or gilet. And probably wouldn't if in a mixed household.
(the 'wouldn't' is change into PJ's at all, not the underwear!)

MiniGuinness · 19/01/2020 23:16

I purposefully only buy nightwear that looks like yoga wear because I would live my whole life in pajamas or a kaftan but I feel they have to look a little decent. So yoga pants, vest tops with a built in bra, etc. Just in case anyone should call. Having a bare bum on your couch is just not on.

LameSword · 19/01/2020 23:17

so her boobs are flobbing about all over the place** 😂

BlossomCat · 19/01/2020 23:18

How is she getting home?
Does she drive herself home in her nighty? Or catch the bus with a coat on?
It's just very odd that she is getting changed into her nightclothes and then travelling home. Exhibitionism on many levels in my humble opinion