Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

Send her this m.youtube.com/watch?v=cYR_0ANLz4A

I’d 100% reply to that last message with a Billy Elliot GIF

I would also do this, she sounds bonkers!

Good lord, the woman is batshit crazy and well lubricated with post birthday wine! Very petty behaviour over DD being overshadowed by her guest.

Hold head high & carry on.... let your DS light shine and leave her to dwell on her deplorable insinuations.

Following her second reply I’d just send back:-

😂

My dd went to a princess and pirates party as a pirate. Well, calypso to be precise.

No point arguing with her. She is rude and will always play the victim.

I’d text back “we’re all laughing at you now!’ Nothing infuriates someone mor3 than when you laugh at them instead if getting mad

I'd reply a last time,

"I'm English. It seems American manners are different."

I'm guessing your ds stole her dc's thunder. Hell hath no fury like a mother....
At least your little lad wasn't bullied. He obviously wore it with confidence and stole the show.

Yeah, she be crazy.

‘Them’s fightin words me hearties’ is what I would text back.

@Hadtoask

Hadtoask
‘Them’s fightin words me hearties’ is what I would text back.

😂😂

Just blame culture confusion.

Oh sorry, it must be because I'm British. The British aren't so constrained by stereotypes and so it never crossed my mind it could be a problem. I just asked Tom ballet uniform or pirate and he went for ballet. No one would have batted an eye about it back in the UK.

PMSL @Hadtoask

Meet you outside nursery at pick-up. No holds barred.

Can you amazon prime her a copy of Billy Elliot? What an idiot.

At least you know it's definitely her, not you! She's awful, and I feel so sorry for her poor child.

And my girl has been to a few parties as a pirate.

This is so sad, I hope she's alone in her views within your community, your poor son, and her poor dc too

She's really rude. My eldest would want to be a ballerina. My youngest would want to be a pirate. They're both boys

Please don't say anything that could be construed as saying the US is more sexist - right now, this mother looks appalling in that text conversation, and would struggle to cause social problems for you. If you say something that could imply you think the UK is superior, then that woman will show the other parents as soon as she can, and they may well be offended.

And sadly, this insanity could happen here, too. Some parents are precious about their children, and that's down to personal crazy levels, not nationality.

I'd write back "I didn't realise you wanted to enforce gender stereotypes at the party. I thought we were past all this sexist nonsense. After all it is 2020, not 1960. It's perfectly acceptable for girls to be pirates and boys to be ballet dancers. DS loves ballet, so went as a dancer."

I think DEFINITELY respond with a joke if you decide to respond at all. You must simply refuse to take her seriously. Troll her instead. Love the piratical response suggested above

Well she has massively overreacted but ballerina is the female isn't it? I'm not saying boys can't do ballet, mine did, but he was never called a ballerina. Pirate is different as it can be male or female.

Reply with one of those Southern insults dressed as compliments
"Bless your heart"
or
"Aren't you sweet"