Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

I think I would’ve replied “did you mean to send this to me?” She sounds bonkers, if there were no male dancers who would the female dancers dance with, so lifts with etc?

Would I be right in guessing she wanted to show off her daughter as “the dancer” and better than all the other kids?

Crikey she’s a bit much isn’t she!

Avoid, blank and block her number

After that second response, I would stay well away from her, tbh. She sounds v scary.

If they go to school together, I would actually quietly alert the teacher as to what has happened as I have no doubt it's been discussed in sexist party mom's home after he left. Just to ensure comments are made to your son and he gets upset and the teacher has no idea what's gone on.

Perhaps the teacher can talk about how girls and boys can all be ballerinas if they want to. Or Pirates. Or bitter judgmental arseholes.

Also in the south. The correct response here is "bless your heart".

You know ballerinas was for the girls! You knew it

"How could I know something that isn't true? Are you seriously telling me that you've never heard of Rudolph Nureyev or Wayne Sleep? Did you not know that men do ballet?"

I'd be tempted to text back again, btw, and ask her if she caught the BBC1 dancing show tonight ... one of the best group of dancers on the show were a group of male ballet dancers!

Now I'd definitely reply with the 'thumbs up' emoji.

Good job, OP. I would have replied "He doesn't own a tutu".

Our last party was a pirate party. Boys and girls came as pirates. A couple of kids who aren't into pirates came as something else, and no one said a word. Her message reeks of a rather more long standing resentment.

My gut feeling is that if you let it go now, so will she. It doesn't sound like she has any support for her position, and she won't want to upset a family that is clearly popular.

Would the teacher get it? She might be just as bad. Even here some of the teachers have v fixed ideas about gender roles.

She's bonkers.
I think a dignified silence is a good idea.

reason I hate to say it (as you probably already know ) but this is a very typical US take on it. The gender stereotyping that goes on here even in DS (who's 4) class is insane and we live in a very liberal close to a high metropolitan area

I particularly loathe party city with its pink aisle for girls, blue for boys, and dont get me started on the "oh frozen is for girls' and the classic "boys will be boys!" b/s to excuse feral behavior

All the schools I have been in are very firm on individuality and telling children they can like what they like and want to be what they want to be, etc.

Also in the south. The correct response here is "bless your heart".

Perfect. Send this one, OP.

'Don't contact me again'

Then block.

Absolutely unreal! Not surprised you're in the south. Shame he didn't take a copy of Billy Elliot along with him. My DGS was an angel in his nativity play at nursery (UK). Presumably, that would have caused offence too. One of my DC has a partner from the south, we have to be very careful not to share anti-Trump posts on FB as we get personal messages saying how offended they are. It truly is a different world.

“Sorry you thought I was rude, I feel a duty to call out everyday sexism when I see it.”

You know ballerinas was for the girls! You knew it.

Mikhail Baryshnikov says nyet ya sexist twunt

So she was jealous he got attention meant for her daughter and has lost the plot over it. I'd not bother with her again.

How absolutely bizarre.

I hope you manage to avoid her in the future.

Tell us more about this southern belle. Age, profession, socio economic class.

Does she have a ridiculous name. I am thinking bunny.

I wouldnt waste my time on a reply.

This is not a person I would want to spend time with so for me this would be the perfect opportunity to end all contact.

Wow she's crazy 😳

I would screenshot her message back to her and say something like ‘you think I’M rude?!’

Then I would tell her that next time if she’s sticking to traditionally sexist boy/girl roles she should be more explicit. Then apologise if she’s upset by your interpretation.

Then I’d block her.

PS I do suffer from having to have the last word syndrome

Please don't let her get the last word. What a twat of the very highest order.