Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

Seriously, why would you even respond to a message like this, let alone send messages along the lines of what some posters are advocating? Why would you stoke up the drama and feed the crazy?

It's not about standing up for yourself, as one pp frothed: it's about not engaging with lunacy - your time is too valuable to waste on this shit, OP.

Though, if you were any kind of decent MNer, you'd have sent your son in a tutu and sparkly fairy wings as well

I'd be tempted to tell her that she needs to be more specific next time.

But tbh you'll probably only end up in a slanging match that won't ever end well. Just ignore

Just wondering whether there is some back story here? The woman is definitely in the wrong and completely mad for sending that message, however it does make me wonder whether OP likes the attention on her/DS. It sounds like all of them are competitive parents trying to out do each other.
I feel quite embarrassed for her though. She’s going to feel mortified once sober!

Oh man, i KNEW she was gonna be southern Well handled OP. They have a hundred subtle ways to flip you the bird down there and you held your own.

Signed,
A northerner who will just tell people to fuck off, but not because a child is dressed in an unexpected costume

good Because she sends her texts in those separate messages. She's the type of person to send text like

Hey x

You know last night?

What happened?

I just thought I'd message quickly to find out

She hasn't sent anything like the above but just giving the example of the type of texter/Whatsapper (not a judgement, just an observation. Loads of people do it)

Please do the school run next week wearing an eyepatch. And maybe a parrot on your shoulder.

Please delete my number and don’t contact me again. I don’t appreciate abusive messages or being mocked for sending my son in his ballet clothes, that sort of sexism belongs back in the 70’s.

That’s what I’d put.

Wow how very unpleasant for you must have been quite shocking reading that . Best to ignore I think ?

Tell her she is very rude and not to call you again .And tell her if she cant handle her vino intake she shud not drink

I’m assuming she is trying to insinuate that by dressing his a ballet dancer it’s taking the attention away from her child 😳. I’m newly pregnant and if this is what I have to look forward to I’d rather not be invited to birthday parties people are fucking nuts!!

I wouldn’t reply and when you see her at nursery and she says something to you which she will because she’s that person just say we dressed according to the theme bore off!!!

I note you live in the US so just ignore the message, I’d imagine she’s a Trump supporter too !

How rude .. and yes she’s sounds like she’s been on the wine!
It will be hard for you as you see her most days at nursery/school but try to give her a wide berth.
She should learn not to speak to people like this, whether it’s a school friend or anyone else.
You’re doing an amazing thing by encouraging your son to dance, well done and ignore her snidish comment x

@Howgreenwasmyvalley - love that!

I would have to reply ‘Just got where you are coming from - but I couldn’t persuade him to put on a tutu. Sorry.’

Why didn't you stand up for yourself and tell her not to swear at you?

FGS, there have always been male ballet dancers, e.g. Rudolf Nuriyev, as others have said. Why does the ballet dancer have to be a woman, even if the theme is ballerinas and pirates. What a stupidly sexist theme, the famous ballets wouldn't work without the male ballet dancers. Just reply reminding the mum about Billy Elliot!!

Perhaps he took some of the limelight from her DC. Utterly bonkers!!

If it comes up when you see her or the other mums in person, just shrug it off and say it isn't a big deal where you used to live, and you don't know why such a big fuss is being made, especially as NFL players do ballet to strengthen their core. The calmer you act the more unhinged she looks

She's jealous and obtuse. Although tempting to send a witty or inflammatory reply best to ignore her, invite her child to your son's next birthday party and shine 😇

Sorry I think someone took your phone?

What a bloody cheek! How dare she send a message like that.
I’d tell her you were completely confused and angry by her outrageously rude message. Ask her if she’s never seen a male ballet dancer before? ! I’d tell her you are expecting.an apology.

ReasonNorTreason,

Completely ignore that Mum. Why she thinks she has the right to comment on what your child wears especially in this day and age - the joke is on her tbh! Please don't spend time worrying about her nasty comments, she's just not worth it. If your son is happy and confident then that's all that matters and you sound like an amazing Mummy. Although difficult, I agree with other comments saying rise above it and if you feel uncomfortable around her the next time you see her, ignore her immature attitude and think about all the supportive comments you've had.

I wouldn't reply by text, I would be speaking to her face to face and assuring her that should she ever address me in that way again then she would see just how fucking insane I can be. It's very easy being a keyboard warrior, a totally different thing to behave like that IRL with other people about. See if she'd like to continue the conversation then!!

I agree with BlackAmericano - saying a rather surprised "I hadn't realised things were so different here and I'm clearly getting stuff wrong" to some of the women that you get along with would be a very wise move.

You're living abroad, you can't afford to become an unwelcome outsider, you need to get on with these people. As well as subtly (ahem) ensuring they know how rude she was, you give them a chance to be helpful to you without any effort. That makes people feel good about themselves, and therefore about you too.

Pirates I think are gender neutral but ballerina is a girl as opposed to the ballerino ( male dancer) so technically, you did not stick to the theme.
On the other hand, she’s a stupid Pratt and you should tell her to fuck off.