Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

Your son got too much attention that's all it was. I don't think she even cares about the boy/ballet thing. He stood out from the crowd in a surprising, brilliant, refreshing way when it was supposed to be her her daughters day, I am 99% sure people made just as much/more of a fuss over the birthday girl.

I know you have to take the high ground as you're new, but tempting!

Why?

this thread has made me remember the school trip my school ran to the Matthew Bourne “Swan Lake” in my teenage years, and the vast number of teenage girls who suddenly took a keen interest in ballet shortly thereafter...

Like I said - ALLURING

Is "Fiddle Dee Dee", a la Scarlett O'Hara still in common parlance in the South?
Could be a useful response!

@ReasonNorTreason please send her a copy of Billy Elliott with a Union Jack sticker on the front in the mail.

In which case a Happy you are misunderstanding a lot of replies, mine included. Nobody is saying don't react, be overly polite etc, but people like this one love a bit of drama, why feed them & give them exactly what they are looking for?, It's not about being too soft, it's about being wise enough in picking your battles & not feeding the drama they crave🤷‍♀️

she wanted girls as ballerinas and boys as pirates and is fucked off you went against her gender controlling

I wonder how she'd have reacted if OP had texted back that her DS was identifying as female that day? Her head might just have exploded.

Lol @LakieLady
I can't believe how bloody backwards her the lights are 😆

Not since about 1920, Weedsnseeds1

@SofiaAmes well said!

She’s being very over dramatic!

@HappyBumbleBee - au contraire, the only way to deal with this is to treat her anger as something ridiculous that amuses the OP greatly. Flippancy and facetiousness are called for.

As an American, no good will come of saying "Bless your heart" or other Southernisms in a British accent. It will sound like you are mocking them which will never go over well.

Americans in general fall about themselves for a good posh British accent. If it comes up in public, a lifted eyebrow and your best queen impression while using the MN standard "Did you mean to be so rude?" then walking away should set the right tone.

mathanxiety shame, it seemed perfect for the occasion.
Maybe chanel her inner Rhett instead?
A quick "frankly, my dear..." text?

Oh my goodness, those are some of the most batshit messages I've ever read!!

Is the OP in the States??

Her messages, to clarify. Not yours!

I think saying a rather surprised "This is SUCH a foreign country, I hadn't realised it was so different and I'm clearly getting stuff wrong" to some of the women that you do get along with might be helpful in a few ways. Firstly they will hopefully rush to tell you that you didn't really do anything wrong and birthday Mum is a known bitch, or they will give you handy hints on how not to get it wrong (in the unlikely event that what you did is widely acknowledged to be 'wrong' there). Secondly it will position you as a nice person who is trying your best but sometimes gets it wrong through no fault of your own, which will might get you some leeway in future differences.

Not the same thing at all, but an illustration of the differences, when my DH was working in New York he invited the team he was working with out for drinks and one (latina) woman told him that latinos don't socialise with white people, she strongly implied that he had put everyone in a slightly awkward position but they were making allowances because he was foreign and didn't know. He came home and told me about it and the first thing I said was "Fuck me, that's such a foreign country" because I couldn't get my head around it at all.

She sounds unhinged.

Love your responses though!

Much better - 'Frankly, my dear...' has stood the test of time.

Your DH's Latina colleague was very possibly speaking only for herself there, BlackAmericanoNoSugar.

This thread has made me chuckle - I thought Deep South immediately, too!

I'd also be planning to dress DS in something to annoy her at every opportunity going forward! Perhaps, dress as a pirate to collect DS from nursery to "make it up to her"

I’d have to send her a link to the #BoysDanceToo video where 300 male ballet dancers turned up in Times Square, NY in support of Prince George being mocked for doing ballet...

Is the OP in the States??
Yes, she's already told us so.

OP, I wouldn't have replied at all, given her swearing and rudeness. I'd block her, ignore her at nursery and generally not spend any time or headspace on the batshit bitch. She needs a life.

why does your title say 'sending rude messages' when you'd only had 1 message at that point?
@ReasonNorTreason

Well, hopefully so mathanxiety. I had thought that New York was less polarised than some other parts of the US.