Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

I also wonder if it is a cultural difference on her part. She thinks she’s sent you a rude message because she’s cross with you.

You (and the other English people on here) are absolutely aghast at how appallingly aggressive her messages are.

Similarly, sounding your horn is an okay thing to do in the US. Here it is quite a serious rebuke.

I would have just said...my child could have worn anything and still be the centre if attention! He's just awesome !

From this southern girl's handbook: "Well bless your heart. I'm sure you didn't mean to be rude to me. I'll pray for you."

I love this so much.

Tbh you sound like one of those parents who likes attention. sending your son as a ballerina definitely got you it.

I also love that southern girls handbook response.

She sounds like an absolute Southern Belle-end

Send her a load of links to modern pirate situations and a lecture about how pirates are a severe and dangerous threat that shouldn’t be minimised by fun costumes for preschoolers.

Tbh you sound like one of those parents who likes attention. sending your son as a ballerina definitely got you it

Says someone who’s never had a 4 year attend a fancy dress party.

She sounds bonkers. Block her. Just so rude and insensitive

The problem is whether she is a lone oddball or whether this weird gender stay in your lane Trumpy shit is the norm in the place you have come to. I think you need to find the Democrat mums pretty damn quick otherwise you might end up without a tribe which could be hard for your kids.

Personally I would find it not possible to relocate to anywhere Southern in the U.S. at the moment- it's a society in dangerous fascist meltdown.

May I suggest - for future interactions with this nightmare woman - “well bless your heart”

I am reliably informed by a Texan that if this is delivered with a sickly sweet smile and in simpering tones of utter affection it is the most deathly insult.

I can only imagine how it would be received it delivered by text 😈

Agreed with ToooRevealing. Involving other mums there is pointless because almost a hundred percent they agree with the rude mum. It's how they are in that area. It's the deep south, most there think the same way the rude mother does.

@Newmetoday But her son IS a ballerina, so why not send him as what he is, in his own uniform?

She should have had my grandson to the party. He loathed dressing up for parties, so he went in his own clothes. When asked what he was he just replied he was a plain clothes policeman.

How strange and rude. I'm surprised that not one girl came dressed as a pirate.

We have a pirate and mermaid day for the Foundation classes at my school (fits in with their topic) and there are always lots of girls who are dressed as pirates. We haven't had any mermen yet but if we did the staff would be very positive and would talk to any children who made negative comments.

I'd go with 'aaaargh, let's let bygones be bygones!'

She is a moron. You can't argue with stupid. I would avoid her.

I hope she’s mortified when she wakes up today

she sounds mean, jealous, dumb and weird. her poor kid/s :(

@SaphfireRose, no he isn't a ballerina. But assuming Natalia Osipova wasn't tucked away in the kitchen, neither was anyone else at the party. Nor, I imagine, were there any real pirates present. It is make believe. Anyone can be anything they like. That's what makes the mother's comments so spectacularly dumb.

Sorry, but you've got to stand up for yourself here!! It is not acceptable for her to swear at you, be aggressive and them accuse you of being rude. Chances are her friends would also find this rude. Don't assume that they're all willingly her friend. She probably makes them nervous too. Stand up for yourself. No sarcasm or quips. Just be polite and tell her that you find her behaviour unacceptable.

@RockinHippy
WTAF are you on about & by the way. Lowering yourself to the gutter level of this barking mad DM, unless you are normally a foul mouthed Harpy, means they have won as they've dragged you down to their gutter level. There are far better ways to skin a cat & cold, direct & seemingly polite, but caustic works far better than a screeching match that's going to have you look like the nutter to the rest of the crowd
I wouldn't get into any kind of screeching match and I'm not quite sure where or how you got that from.
DEFENDING myself and REFUSING to be spoken to in that manner is also in no way 'lowering myself' or allowing myself to be dragged down to their 'gutter level' as you so eloquently put it!
Why do we now live in a world where it's acceptable to be treated like shit, and unacceptable to stand up for ourselves?

My reply to a text like that would have been cold stone polite, with no room for silly games or comeback from the mother involved. End of. Instead I've read here, say this, say that, don't do this, don't do that! WHY? The OP has done nothing wrong!

I'd go with cool icy approach when you next see her. Personally I'd actually ignore as much as possible, people like her hate that. I'd also not discuss the situation with the other mums, as it seems they'd take her side anyway. She'll always have to wonder who you've shown the text to, who you've told about it, whether you may retaliate in future.

I had to do this to a school mum. Even now when I occasionally see her she looks like she wants to run away. If she's up close and others are around she does a whole fake friendliness act. I just make sure my thin smile doesn't match my eyes. Don't let bullies get away with it. She wants to intimidate you - she's the one who's on the back foot, so intimidate her, very subtly and quietly.

Omg OP yanbu! Clearly this lady is absolutely bat shit, shes pissed because your awesome boy took the lights off her pretty ballerina dd

Please just keep the calm response and a head tilt because she just keeps giving with her crazy responses, she will look unreasonable