Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

If she ever contacts you again just say 'I'll pray for you'.

@incognitomum hahaha yes!!!

🙄

^ correct response

I hope this isn't indicative of the general mentality where you live Op

she wanted girls as ballerinas and boys as pirates and is fucked off you went against her gender controlling

i wouldnt have responded the way you did as that message would have instantly got my back up she would have got a who the fuck do you think your talking to? i will send my child in what ever he chooses ,just because we didnt follow your backward pushing genders into a box route doesnt mean you have the right to talk to me this way

now do fuck off

Can you get in touch with the mum of the girl who went dressed as a princess and see if she has had a similar message?

Should of replied with some British rhyming cockney slang. Would have confused her to no end

I just LOVE the Southern States ladies' responses to this! I had heard before that "bless your heart" was the technical equivalent of "fuck you, bitch", is that right?

Please do what they say - sounds like they've got you covered!

My niece, then 5, was invited to a princess and pirates party and couldn't decide which to be. In the end she wore a tutu, tights and ballet slippers with a pirate t-shirt, eye-patch and pirate hat. I'm assuming that would have made this mum's head explode.

I can't cope - I wasn't going to post, but.... What is wrong with everybody?!?!
This woman has sent you a rude, shitty message - send her one back telling her how rude and ignorant she is! How DARE she speak to you in such a way! Why does no one stick up for themselves anymore?
Sorry, if I had got a message like that I'd have let rip straight back stating my son HAD stuck to the theme and point out her stupidity.
Seriously people - start standing up for yourselves!

@HappyBumbleBee I agree too. I would do it with humour at first but then somehow I would have to say something like- don’t you ever think you can speak to me or anyone in my family like that again. And she would know I’m very serious. I wouldn’t do it in a text either. I would also share her text to me with the whole of the circle of mums.

I would also share her text to me with the whole of the circle of mums

The problem is, a whole lot of those mums might side with the birthday girl mom. OP is new to the area. OP is a Brit. OP is the outsider. Birthday girl mom may be expressing views likely to be agreed with by most of them. It's the South and birthday girl mom is established and fairly popular.

The best thing is NOT to drag a whole load of other people into what is a very ridiculous spat. OP has to live there. Her kid has to live there.

Who the fuck does she think takes the male lead in swan lake, Cinderella, Nutcracker, Giselle, etc.

Pig ignorant.

Presumably she knows that he does dancing & would more than likely turn up in his ballet kit?

Was he given a choice?

Wow what a fruitcake.

I’d be so tempted to passive aggressively send her a link to the local AA group and say ‘there’s no shame in asking for help. I’ll pray for you.’

OFFS, send her a link to Billy Elliott and remind her you are British, although maybe think about Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake next time...

Realistically, the OP has to live there. When you see the mum, be brisk and breezy. There isn’t much upside to dwelling on this - the other mum isn’t going to have an epiphany and realise how peculiar she is being. If it gets raised again, say that dressing your son in ballet kit would have been normal in the UK and there are some cultural differences.

Don’t get other people involved.

reminds me of the mum in the real life story of ‘death of a cheerleader’ where a mum hired a hitman as her daughter didn’t make cheerleading squad

Crazy woman wouldn't need to hire a hit man, they all packing in the dirty south lol

Only English person will apologise and be polite after being called fucking insane you should have found some balls OP and asked her who she thinks she is speaking to you like that? Anyway she's batshit crazy and obviously has never been told as much.

Yeah people have to remember OP is the outsider here and whilst we all agree the other woman is bats hit crazy you risk a shitstorm involving others.

We live in a small community and I am an outsider. Only in private with other parents agree with me on how crap the school is and what a tool the head of governors is. If you even dare hint at either of these in public everyone runs for the hills and puts their head in the sand. They want to be scene as questioning the status quo. It's heartbreaking I know. Privately several of these other parents will know she is a competitive small minded fruitcake. But calling her out publicly could well backfire as when push comes to shove the community will back her as you are the outsider. Sad but true...

Sorry riddled with spelling corrections but hopefully you get the gist.

I can't cope - I wasn't going to post, but.... What is wrong with everybody?!?!
This woman has sent you a rude, shitty message - send her one back telling her how rude and ignorant she is! How DARE she speak to you in such a way! Why does no one stick up for themselves anymore?
Sorry, if I had got a message like that I'd have let rip straight back stating my son HAD stuck to the theme and point out her stupidity.
Seriously people - start standing up for yourselves!

WTAF are you on about & by the way. Lowering yourself to the gutter level of this barking mad DM, unless you are normally a foul mouthed Harpy, means they have won as they've dragged you down to their gutter level. There are far better ways to skin a cat & cold, direct & seemingly polite, but caustic works far better than a screeching match that's going to have you look like the nutter to the rest of the crowd 🙄

I wouldn't share the text with a whole pile of other mums. If I were one of those mums and someone sent me that text which didn't involve me in any way, I would think they were a gossipy shit-stirrer and avoid them like the plague.

live in the US now but I'm English... Never have I met such openly 'tell it how it is'
That should be “tell it how I think it is” ... which given that society is made up of plenty of stupid people isn’t a a good thing IMO! Much prefer the “keep it to yourself unless among friends/family” train of thought.