Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

She is clearly as mad as a box of frogs. She is either ridiculously pedantic or stupidly sexist but either way what kind of loon cares what guest wears to a child's birthday party?
If she cuts you off and doesn't invite you to anything else, I'd say you've had a lucky escape OP. I feel sorry for her child. Aside from having a crazy sexist mother, imagine having parties that are so micro managed that a child in the "wrong" costume is deemed to have ruined the day.
Your son was wearing a costume that was definitely within the spirit of the theme if not to the letter (that damned letter A) but even if he had gone as a fire fighter or an astronaut a rational and well mannered host would not have mentioned it.

What a sad empty life she must lead.

OP you handled it brilliantly.

Ridiculous comments from her! How did you not stick to the theme? (and even if you hadn't there was no need for her to text you and comment - it's a child's birthday party for goodness sake!!!). YANBU to dress DS as you did. As for her drinking - who knows but she sounds weird.

For future reference the USian thing to do when you are not sure if someone is texting in their cups is to pretend you didn't get it unless they bring it up and then tell them you assumed it was misdirected.

Being thoughtless and inconsiderate isn't really telling it like it is. It's just being thoughtless and inconsiderate.

I know I’m late to the (pirate) party, but I’d have just sent this: m.youtube.com/watch?v=FkF_XpA5P48

That definitely wins the internets.

They tried to get me in with their very 'in' circle but I have declined ever so gently by refusing invites to things. They're just too brash and bold for me

What universities did they attend? I would be willing to bet that they are a bunch of former sorority girls who wanted to suss you out. Well done for not taking them up on their invitations.

What time is the next plane back to the UK?!

As an American from the South, I definitely recommend you make your Monday school pickup attitude one of detached (false) concern, especially since I assume the nutty woman will already have tried turning the mommy brigade to her view. A simple "So glad you have recovered from your hangover, bless your heart. I know you didn't mean to be so rude when you texted me^^ after the party. I guess we are just more opened minded in Europe that we accept that men can be dancers and women can be pirates. But I can see how that might have confused you in the state you were in after the party. Just relieved to see you are feeling better now!" should do the trick. Bonus points for throwing a sympathetic head tilt in there and waiting until you have a decent sized audience.

I'd tell her to her face to fuck off back to the 1950s with her sexist twattery and never come out with that shit in my presence again. I can't stand that crap and have to call it out every time.

She sounds absolutely bonkers. Steer clear .

Well done 👏👏👏

Brilliant. She's bonkers.

From this southern girl's handbook: "Well bless your heart. I'm sure you didn't mean to be rude to me. I'll pray for you."

Waaaay too much invested drama from her over little kids.

Bitch is bat shit crazy

@RockinHippy that’s the perfect response. The mother will have absolutely no come back. And if she continues on her emails rant she’s obviously a sexist weirdo who thinks boys should never wear skirts.

You must throw a big party for your DS now! Make sure to invite her DD, then she'll see it as her chance to 'get you back'. We can all have a right laugh hearing about her attempts to get her DD to outshine your DS. You'll need to choose the theme carefully to get max entertainment.

She sounds like an absolute Southern Belle-end.

If the theme was ballerinas and pirates, she's assumed that the little girls will dress in tutus. She thinks she's covered her bases by not having a ballet dancers and pirates party.

I can't wait to know if she replies. Well done OP.

I wouldn't be able to let this go, personally, because once I get annoyed, I can't let go...

I would point out that in Italian it's Ballerina and Ballerino, and in French they say danseuse and danseur, but in English we refer to everyone as a ballet dancer. Are they Italian? Was everything done in Italian?
Equally, there are no gender specific terms for pirates although female pirates did exist, and I hope had a girl arrived as a pirate, her parents would
not have been subject to such a ridiculous response. As a feminist, I wouldn't have expected gender limitations to still be applied at a young child's birthday party, as we are now in the 20th Century and most people regardless of their age are able to wear whatever outfit they choose, regardless, and it not being determined by if they have a penis or vagina.

Equally, I would not have expected a grown adult to take whatever a child wears as a personal insult and behave in such a childish and rude manner.

But, we live and learn, and maybe these progressive trends are not culturally acceptable in your new home town, and I would point out that perhaps, in your instance, you should lower your expectations when dealing with this mum, in the future.

My DD did ballet when younger and would of definitely opted to go as a pirate when I gave her the choice from the invite. She would of had a choice as the invited DID NOT specify ballet for girls and pirates for boys.
Yes she did have a pirate costume at that age, it was a girl pirate but a pirate all the same.

tweedler it's 21st century

Forward her message to all the other mums from nursery