Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

I'm in the US now (Midwest) and this is 100% one of the things that terrifies me about having kids here. A lot of people are very socially conservative, but you never quite know who that's going to be until something you see as completely normal triggers an insane reaction like this.

You should give her child an apology gift... I'd suggest this:
www.amazon.com/Tonight-Oliver-Presents-Marlon-Bundo/dp/145217380X?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I've heard it all now. I did guess at the south too though.

Are you staying there forever OP?

She sounds like a twat. I'm going to guess she thinks you thought the party theme was sexist and were trying to prove a point which is why she is pissed off and accusatory. Not that it makes her anywhere near right but I reckon that is where her mindset is at.

Love the comment saying send her the Billy Elliot Dvd. For now find a Billy Elliot GIF and send that!

I think, for her to have sent such an aggressive and rude message, she must have been absolutely brimming with rage that (in her perception) you deliberately upstaged her child.
I think your reply should have aimed to take the wind out of her sails and I don’t think any reference to the theme would have done that. The best way would have been either to make a big thing of how shocking and upsetting her message was, or to go full on a aggressive like Lisa’s suggestion on page 2.
I think, in her mind, your reply confirms that you did it to upstage ( and you and we know you didn’t).

Matthews Bourne Swan Lake is touring in NY soon I believe, buy her a ticket as an apology

This woman is disgusting.
You're right not to reply further. Is it your or your little boy she's trying to make feel shitty? Because either way that's a pathetic way to spend her time and energy.

No-one gives a shiny shit if my son turns up in a princess dress. They're kids!

"I didn't say anything when you turned up dressed as a meth addict at our last meetup"

Totally off topic, but this thread has made me remember the school trip my school ran to the Matthew Bourne “Swan Lake” in my teenage years, and the vast number of teenage girls who suddenly took a keen interest in ballet shortly thereafter...

Wow no words.. I think id be really fucking sad if I recieved that text, since when is there a rule what kids can wear costume wise? Imagine if a little girl turned up in pirate outfit, she'd probably keel over or then again fucking have no issue at all.

Amazing respect for the way you handled it, dodged a bullet with that horrible cow.

Text back with "I'm so sorry, I didn't realise it was 1976".

Why has no one suggested, "Bless yer h arrrrr t ies".

Missing a bloody trick, there.

I would ignore it. I would say this woman is definitely unhinged and, sadly, may have mental health issues. I don't understand what she is complaining about she asked for ballerinas or pirates and you chose one of them. Even if you had dressed him as, say, a knight, she would have been very unreasonable to comment then too. People seem to have no manners and are so selfish and self-obsessed nowadays.

I thought the ballet costumes were for ballet dancers, which my son is. Couldn't really justify buying a pirate outfit for one party when he's got a perfectly good ballet outfit he wears to do ballet every week'

Ooh this is a really good response a PP drafted, I would be very tempted to send that!

She's a complete arse.

Some people lack any sense of self-awareness, as is evidence by her calling YOU "rude" after previously telling you you weren't fucking sane!!

And yes, it's TOTALLY because your boy stole her DD's limelight. How utterly pathetic of her.

In all honesty, if they really are like the films portray them, I'd say your social life is now fucked whatever you do, unless there is a sizeable proportion of other mums who don't subscribe to being in the "popular" group.

Seek them out. And I know you don't want to cause waves, but KEEP THOSE TEXTS - you're going to need them when this blows up.

1976 *lidldonkey? Surely there was far less gender bullshit aimed at children in those days? It seems we are far more regressive now.

You could say that you had ethical concerns about kids being encouraged by pirate role models and chose the other option...

Send her the link to this thread!

“New number. Who dis?”

@DartmoorDoughnut Was that supposed to be dancing? I just saw a lot of seductive posing, stretching and spinning. The odd jump.
Male or female that was appalling

Honestly I’d be replying with

???

Was that supposed to be dancing? I just saw a lot of seductive posing, stretching and spinning. The odd jump.
Male or female that was appalling

Wow. You don't know Sergei Polunin, probably the best classical dancer in the world - though he does seem to be trying to push his career off a cliff as fast as possible at the moment, perhaps because he was pushed incredibly hard when extremely young.
Perhaps you're a purist, I don't know, but I don't understand someone who can look at that and not call it dance.

Wtf? I actually feel very sorry for that woman. I can't imagine how pathetic and empty your life must be if you care so much about a little kid's costume at a birthday party. If that was my DC's party I don't think I'd have even noticed what half the kids were wearing, unless it was something ridiculously flamboyant. Even then, I wouldn't have given a shiny shit. I'd be too busy running around entertaining, making snacks and keeping an eye on my over-excited, sugar-buzzed birthday child.

What a sad little woman.

This person who contacted you,is an A Class no brain kind of woman, And if you meet her at the nursery/school gates again, why on earth would you be bothered about such a woman as this. Just be you, and proud of what you and your son choose to do. full stop, don't bother about other naff people.

She's clearly pissed & venting at what bugged her in the day, but she didn't have the guts to speak up about. She's also a narrow minded harpy.

Don't reply tonight. Text tomorrow morning with

Good morning, I hope you've recovered from your lovely part, I guess this text wasn't meant for me as DS wore a Ballet costume as per your invite.

If she dares come back with an explanation that girls are ballet dancers,you have her banged to rights with her openly outdated & narrow minded ideas. In which case just laugh, & say. Oh dear, I thought that rubbish went out with the Ark & rightly so" then change the subject

Good luck