Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

No way, I had my youngest when I was 35 and I knew then I was done. TBH (DS's are nearly 13 and 10), I am looking forward to them getting older and having more time to go out and work. Older boy is getting quite independent now. Although I'm quite a young 45, I feel much too old to deal with a newborn or toddler.

I had dd at 17. She has never been less than proud of me and our relationship...
Ds at 43.

There are risks involved. Obviously you are aware of them and will take them unto account when making a decision. It kind of comes down to whether the benefits of raising a child outweigh the risks involved and you're the only one who can decide.

For myself, I think I'd prefer to have had all my children before 45 (well mid 30s actually) mostly because pregnancy is hard on the body sometimes life circumstances don't make that possible.

No. I’m pg at 40 and it’s killing me!

No. My parents were both older, dad was 49. They had both died by time I was 22. Not saying that would happen to you of course op but its something that's obviously more likely to happen if you have your kids at an older age.

The thing is its ok to say no way if your dc are already adults by the time you're 45 but the ops dc is only five so it's not as if she'll be starting over.

Definitely not...i am 49 and cannot imagine having a 4 year old. I would find it exhausting, plus I’m just getting my life back now my 3 are teens. However, if you’re still in the preschool-ish phase and haven’t had years of parenting already then maybe....

I'm 45 and would have ideally loved another (first was IVF) but after a few years of procrastination there's no way I'd contemplate it now. I very suddenly feel much more like my age after always feeling younger than I was, and various things seem to have gone a bit 'wrong' lately, presumably relating to perimenopause. I'd be worried about the longer term effects on my older body, the tiredness, and also the fact that I'd be retirement age when the child was at uni.

I had my first three years ago at 40 and won't be trying for another, partly because we're too bloody tired, partly because of the concerns around miscarriage/disabilities but mainly because we feel very happy and sorted and don't want to risk spoiling that. However, I am a teacher and see lots of older mums with healthy children. Oh, and they are all also pretty youthful - I agree with the pp who called out the unpleasant and short-sighted ageism of many of these posts. I understand that it was some people's experience to have 'embarrassing' or inconvenient older parents, but it doesn't mean it's a given! And there are lots of advantages to children of having older parents. So no, I wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't think you were completely mad to try.

Go for it.
No one complains about old dads, when their sperm quality def goes down too.

It’s circumstance. I’m 45 now, my oldest is 21, my youngest is 12. No way would I want a baby now.

My friend on the other hand is also 45. She had her first baby at 40, her second at 43 and is now considering whether to have a third.

Inliverpool1 that's interesting I had a babysitter of about 17 when I was about 9 and she seemed old! Must be different when it's your mum but if I had to pick between dd having a baby at 19 or 46, while recognising neither is ideal, I'd pick 19

No way it hell would I even have considered it.
The risks to both child and mother are higher. You already have a child who at 5 still needs a lot of your time. So who is going to be looking after them if you have a bad pregnancy or God forbid anything worse happens.
But even if you have a healthy pregnancy and new baby I couldn’t think of any thing worse than going through then menopausal whilst having a two young children to look after.

@IM0GEN

Thanks for comparing me to a racist bigot! I think you’ve missed the pint entirely.

It’s a real concern having much older parents. For many reasons. My little sister would not have chosen it, and yes she was embarrassed by how old they are. Though she was too nice a kid to ever say it to them. Many teenagers wouldn’t be so nice.

I’m not agest in the slightest. But you have to look to the future when having kids. You’ve been lucky to be In good health and therefore able to raise your teenagers. But the risk of health problems increases year on year and many won’t be so lucky.

It’s individual choice as I said in my first post and the OP asked for opinions. The points I’ve raised are considerations, but it’s up to the individual whether those things stop them from going ahead.

@Inliverpool1

A mother who was 19 when they had their baby would be in their mid 20’s picking their child up from school. How is that childlike?

Not for me. I have 3 DC and the youngest started uni when I was 48. I couldn’t imagine having a toddler at that time.

@mamaduckbone

My DM had me at 18, my DF was 21 so very young parents. My DF died of cancer at 66 (I was 45) and my DM has spent 20 years being housebound with health issues and had 2 failed hip replacements after at fall at 50 which resulted in her being in a wheelchair, she now resides in a nursing home (at 66!) so can give me or her grandchildren zero support and I and they no longer have my DF. My own children's DF was 21, 22 & 25 when our kids were born he died when he was 28. Younger parents does not always work out. OP i had a 4th child at 42, hes now 6 and he doesnt know any different to his parents being 48 and 50 so do what is right for your family.

No way. When I had my first in late 20s, it was so easy getting through it and over it. When I had my second birth at age 30, I felt like I needed extra recovery time. My body didn't bounce back, I felt dreadful and didn't cope well with the sleep deprivation. Im in my late 30s and feeling like I'm past the running in the park and kneeling down with the kids. My body aches and I like to be comfortable. I'm over ball pits, sleeping in their beds (because their scared of monsters), and class parties. Age definitely matters. My sister had a other baby at age 46 last year. It's really affected her back and body generally. I would say no personally. But it's your choice, only you will know.

I'm a child of older parents and through my life have had several friends who are also the same - so yes I would if I wanted another biological child. (I actually don't as I would be trying to get pregnant right now.) I wasn't embarrassed by my parents age as a teen as my parents didn't look old. They were also aware that some of the stuff I liked wasn't the same as them due to age.

At secondary school, college and university it was actually more shocking to have a parent who had you before 20 as it was closer to our own ages.

I wouldn't have planned a 2nd at 45. On the other hand I'm 51 and still do nappy changes, running around after and night waking with my older child and don't feel that I'm too old for it.

No. Too risky health-wise for child and mother for me personally.

Well Richard Gere is 70 and expecting baby no 2 with his current wife who is 34 years younger. So if he gets to still have babies why shouldn't you? If you feel young and healthy and really want this, why not?! I have a close childhood friend whose mum was 46 when she was born and she is and was always very happy and her mum was always lovely and with it and fit and never let her age hold her child back. Yes, there could be some judgemental parents at the school gate but generally speaking, independent schools as a whole have an older parent group. In fact, I always felt too young in my eldest's school (having had her in my mid twenties so perfectly normal). But ask yourself this 1) why have you waited for 5 years to make this decision given your age? (are you sure you are doing the now or never thing in your head) 2) as everyone else said above, given the risks, can you emotionally deal with extra tests, likelihood of miscarriage etc. possibly a few health issues

I am amazed at the number of no ways. I had my youngest at 40 after a a gap and it's been fine.
Recently looked after a baby for the WE and yes it was a bit of work getting up at night again but again absolutely fine and we both got used to it quickly.
I would just see what happens - if you fall pregnant easily you just have to accept the higher level of miscarriage and be properly screened for trisomies ( and decide what you would do about that)
You are likely statistically to live into your late 80's and the recent stats show women of higher socioeconomic class have more illness free years.
Personally I would go for it but have a pragmatic view that it might not work.
I am a HCP for what that's worth.

So you’ll be 61 when your kid is 16 taking their GCSE’ and 63 for A-levels? ? not a chance in hell 😥

Yes, I'm 31 and if 45 was when I had a chance to have a baby then I would go for it.

In your position I think I would also try. You just need to bear in mind that the miscarriage rate is very high at 45 and the risk of chromosome disorders (Down's) is much higher.