Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

We can just about afford two sets of school fees and private health etc.

As you will notice, none of the replies are focusing on what you are focusing on: money, and resources (things you can control). The issue doesn’t lie there.

Had my youngest at 42.
I was the youngest of my sibling and my parents were 44 and 50 when I was born.
Luckily my DPs lived well into their late 90s - I never felt like I had old parents!!
I would say we find it more of a stretch than my parents did as we have less cash - and it's good to have help when older parents and to be able to retire without worrying.
So that would be my only hesitation.

Your youngest would be at school too which works well.
If you can afford it, I'd go for it!!!

I wouldn't. I was 24 when I had DS1, which is admittedly young, but when I'm 45 he'll be 21 and there's nothing on earth that would induce me to start again at that point.

However, I'm not in your position, and my family is different. You can't help how you feel, you can't help what you want. Perhaps speak to your Dr and go from there; for some 45 year olds it would be impossible, for others it works. Don't let MN put you off something you truly want to do, but equally don't let strangers make you feel like you ought to be doing something you're unsure of.

No. You’ll be 60 when the child is a young teenager, not great for either of you...

No I wouldn’t. A baby at 45 is one thing, but a teenager in your 60s? Having to fund university when you’re 65+? Potentially not living long enough to see your dc settle down and have dc of their own etc?

Absolutely not, but I do say that as a person who had my only child at age 22. DS will be a grown adult and maybe even out the house by the time I'm 45, I certainly don't want to be starting over again.

I wouldn't because i don't want to be doing the school run in my fifties but in your situation, your dc is only five so I don't think it's an awful idea. I generally think it's better for children to have siblings.

No, my cut off would be 40 for lots of reasons.

I absolutely would not

Not in a million years

Christ no, I'll have a 21yr old by then, the thought of starting again is horrifying

No sorry

No, because your chances of having a child with disabilities including autism has now increased tremendously. You can afford your current DC's fees because you can work. If you were disabled during the birth or the baby had disabilities that could all change the course of DC1's life drastically. Nope from me. Too big a risk.

I’ve friends who are 40 and trying for their first. And I’m sure they will give it a few years if need be. But if I already had a child I wouldn’t try for another at gone 40. The risks are too great and I wouldn’t want to negatively impact my existing child.

No. Because people can quote all the “you might get hit by a bus at 30 or die at 105” stuff all they like but the reality is you will be ready for retirement when they are at university and probably won’t live to see them turn 40.

It's a firm hell-no, from me.

In would have done if it had happened. Am now late forties so done with all that. A friend had an unplanned baby with a new partner at 47, 48 when born and all was fine. He is now 4 and no signs of any issues.

DH was born when his mother was 45. She has always been at arms length from us - too old to help with our kids and difficult for us to spend time with her as we have to take care of her and small kids at same time iyswim. Can't even really go for a walk in the park with her - she needs an arm to hold but I keep needing to leave her to catch up with kids and supervise them. It's just so difficult that we end up not spending much time with her at all.

My parents had me when they were 30 and have been able to be fully involved. We can go on holidays and days out with them and things.

Also think it through a bit. It’s not just about older eggs and babyhood and risk percentages. It’s about the 18 year old going off to University with parents who are approaching mid 60s. Say this child then needs - like many others do - to move back in for a while in their mid twenties - parents are then 70. Then this child wants to see the world, travel, get higher and further education, Whatever when they are early 30s to mid 30s, but parents now are 75-80 and potentially having Heath issues. And then - quite like yourself around 37/38 child meets someone and wants to start having a family - grandparents then potentially 83-85? Able to help? Provide any childcare? Run around a bit with grandkids? Alive and well?

So many many reasons why I wouldn’t do this.

No. It is just so selfish. I had older parents and I was bullies terribly because of it. They were so out of ouch, had no energy at all, it really was like having more Grandparents. And yet they are now so old my DC's haven't ever had decent Grandparents who could do anything with them.

I would to give my child a sibling.

I wouldn't if I had two already

You don't sound like you really want honest opinions op.
Please consider the child that you are bringing into the world as well as your own wants and needs. Your child will still be at school when you are nearing retirement. If they have their first child at 30 you will be 75. Children in the playground will think you are their grandma. There is a much higher risk of complications and genetic conditions such as Downs Syndrome. You have a higher chance of being ill whilst they are young.

Thanks all for your replies. It’s interesting reading. Even if we try I don’t expect it’ll definitely happen. It is a chance as many of you have highlighted. It’s food for thought. Thanks again.

I'm 42 this year and considering another, not sure whether to or not...