Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

No. Because people can quote all the “you might get hit by a bus at 30 or die at 105” stuff all they like but the reality is you will be ready for retirement when they are at university and probably won’t live to see them turn 40.

This. It's really hard on the child.

Like other PPs, I also had older parents. I'm now in my mid thirties and my Dad (45 when I was born) has had dementia for the best part of 10 years and has been in a care home for the last 2 years. My mother's health has gone downhill in recent years and she has needed a lot of support from us. She's now terminally ill at 75. It's fucking horrendous.

By the time I was about 26 my parents became people who needed help and support, and they really couldn't offer any to me when I needed it (like when I had a long term relationship break down and had nowhere to live).

There's a large age gap between me and my older sister so I pretty much grew up as an only child with parents who were quite out of touch and set in their ways. I never knew my grandparents, they had all died by the time I was 5. It was very isolating.

As a parent at 43 with a 51 year old husband, this thread makes for depressing reading.

Hell no, but my children are grown so I really don't want to go back to nappies unless we're talking grandchildren, never mind having teenagers in my 60s.

Sober why is the thread depressing

Nope. I’m nearly 49 with DC 16 & 19. No way would I go back through all of that. I feel different at 49 to 45 even.

Should have said I am 45.

You are likely statistically to live into your late 80's and the recent stats show women of higher socioeconomic class have more illness free years.

My mum is in her mid 80s and is effectively 'healthy' in that she doesn't have any life threatening illnesses. But she's not running round like she was at 60. She is a prisoner in her own home because she can't walk up or down steps without help. She can't clean a toilet or mop a floor. She can't bend down to pick something up, in case she over balances. And that's someone who is classed by the medical profession as being in good health for her age. She has good quality of life in that she can live independently and has no issues with dementia. But she's certainly not nipping round town meeting her friends for lunch (not least because she has outlived them all).

Would never happened to me, started my menopause at 45

It does but realistic

No I wouldn't. But I had DS at 27 so it would be a massive age gap. Plus I don't fancy lack of sleep in my 40s.

Someone I know just had their first at 45. Obviously they don't know any different (ie would it have been easier in their 30s) but I really wouldn't fancy starting again at that age.

Chances of getting pregnant at 45 & carrying a healthy baby to term are probably about 2% - so I wouldn’t think too much about it.

No. 40 was my own cut-off age.

I wouldn't, the odds of a healthy baby are pretty hideous.

In all honesty, no I probably wouldn't. I had an unplanned baby at 39 and everything was absolutely fine, no problems in pregnancy, a textbook birth and he is the light of my life. I don't regret having him at all.
But I think that had I been 6 years older I might have felt differently. I'm not sure I would want to be doing the amount of running around after an active sporty teenager that I do now, in my 60s. Having DS2 has already impacted on my retirement plans. I wouldn't want to be putting it off yet further.I guess if it had happened, we would have coped, but I don't think I would have put myself in that position deliberately at the age of 45.
I suppose it also depends somewhat on your beliefs around abortion and potentially having a child with a disability, because there is no doubt that at 45 the risks are significant.I would be thinking hard about the potential impact on your existing child.
But it is easy to say "no" when you feel that you are done with having children. I can imagine that if you don't feel that way the decision is far less easy. Just because I, or others wouldn't do it doesn't necessarily mean it is wrong for you of course.

No I wouldn’t. I don’t think it’s fair on the child.

Personally no. I had my last child at 36 and noticed the difference. I was much more tired.
My parents were 42 and 47 respectively when I was born. My Dad died when I was 26. My mum died when I was 43. So whilst she lived to a good age and was independent I worried about her.
My grandparents were also older and all died before I was born.
But on the other hand, healthcare is better...and you must fo what's right for you.

I'm 49 now and I love my dc dearly and I'm looking forward to having more time to myself. I'm pleased I haven't got youbd dc when I'll be going through the menopause.

I wouldn't, I would be fine with a five year old at 50, but I think it would be really hard as a young adult with your parents at retirement age and knowing that most of your adult life you won't have parents. I know there are no guarantees of that no matter when you have kids, but it is guaranteed that your child would lose both parents before middle age and would probably spend their prime childbearing/raising years looking after declining parents. It would be nice for me, but hard for my (future) child and so I wouldn't do it.

No way. I'm 44 now and my DC are both young adults. I like my sleep and having my life back. Everyone's different though, with a 5 year old, you're still very much in the 'young family' phase.

It's not so much a baby at 45 that would worry me, it's whether you want a 15 year old when you're 60. The teenage years are tough, and I think the older you are, the harder it is to relate to teens.

No
I had my DTs at 30, so at 45 I was getting some of my freedom back. I can’t imagine now having to go back to the start again.

However if I hadn’t had any DCs at 45 I would probably have given it a go.

No and not because of pregnancy or birth or the early years. I'm 45 now with adult dc and could not contemplate the teenage years when I was so much older than I am now - the emotional energy and the expense.

OP you seem to only think about the impact having a baby at 45 would have on your life as in what you can offer and afford. Maybe sit back and think of a child having elderly parents at the young age at 20 and growing up with much older parents as a child. Please look at the whole picture.

Like a shot.

But i'd be thinking with my heart not my head. And for the temporary rise in youth hormones as well.

No. Lots of reasons why not. Increased risk of health problems for you and the baby, very hard on the body, financially crippling, going to primary school pick ups in your 50s. Just no. Alll these stars that have these perfect babies use donor eggs from twenty year olds. That’s how they have these “miracle babies”

Hello All
Thanks for all your replies. They are all super interesting and give interesting/different perspectives. I never wanted to be a young mother despite some excellent reasons why. I wanted to be an older one. There are disadvantages but there are some good reasons too. I thought our child would be a special only one and that may still be the case but my child has asked for a sibling and that got me thinking and I’m just considering options at the moment. It helps that I’m a teacher and know teenagers rather well. Thanks again.

Not for me. I had my last at 35 and that is enough for me. My husband will be 50 when he's 10.