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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp stormed out after I questioned the bacon, don’t know what to do now

401 replies

DoreenSamuel · 18/01/2020 17:29

Dp and I both work ft and both do our fair share of looking after children and household chores. Food preparation is not really part of my allocation but I do more cleaning.

Anyway DP tends to do a lot of cooking on the weekend with a view to putting some things in the freezer and some things in the fridge for meals over the next few days.

He is a great cook and meals are always delicious. However I seem to have some irrational fear of food poisoning and I frequently ask questions about the food he’s making which seem to annoy him.

Today I noticed he was cooking a load of bacon and I was surprised as he’d already said he was making fish and chips for tea. I asked why he was cooking bacon and he said he was making stuffed jacket potatoes with cheese and bacon for a meal over the next few days. I apparently frowned and also said I didn’t think bacon would be safe to eat after being cooked and put in the fridge for a few days.

He became angry and told me to google it. He said he feels completely taken for granted and ‘nothing is ever good enough’.

He’s stormed out basically telling me to fuck off and make my own meals. He knows I can’t cook so I feel really upset he’s reacted in this way. I do feel bad because he’s spent almost the whole day meal planning to ensure we can’t eat home cooked healthy meals but I really don’t think his reaction was ok.

Aibu? If so how can I make this better, he’s not answering his phone.

OP posts:
DesLynamsMoustache · 18/01/2020 19:16

No one, with the exception obviously of people with extreme disabilities, is 'unable to cook'. You're unwilling to cook.

AmelieTaylor · 18/01/2020 19:17

Reception age children have better reading comprehension than half of MNers!

FFS

he was making stuffed jacket potatoes with cheese and bacon for a meal over the next few days.

He was stuffing the potatoes so of course he needed to cook the bacon now, not when they have the meal.

@DoreenSamuel I’m glad you realise how bloody unreasonable you’ve been!

I’d have bashed you over the head with the frying pan before storming out & telling you to sort yourself out.

I HATE cooking, but as I’m an adult I do my share. You need to appreciate how much he panders your ‘cant cook’ nonsense- he even cooks you a senate meal if you don’t want what everyone else is having. THE man is a saint.

GetOffYourHighHorse · 18/01/2020 19:17

'They should. And you and the OP should stop thinking you have the right to criticise the kind people you know who make your lives easier by doing things you don’t want to do for yourselves hmm'

Oh unclench for goodness sake.

Running off in a sulk is very childish.

AllergicToAMop · 18/01/2020 19:20

Running off in a sulk is very childish.

Actually, removing yourself from a bad situation until you calm down is pretty adult.

BrendasUmbrella · 18/01/2020 19:21

You know you wouldn't be happy if he questioned you on your roles around the house. You do your part, let him do his part. I'm sure he not no interest in making his family sick. I don't understand why he was cooking bacon so far in advance, I suspect maybe he fancied a bacon sandwich in the morning and got defensive when you questioned him.

He also willingly cooks for the whole family.

And she cleans for the whole family. Willingly doing things for your family is normal, it's not special.

LagunaBubbles · 18/01/2020 19:21

Tbh op I do this with ironing, say 'I can't' when I mean I don't like it. I too criticise other people's attempts. No one has ever ran off and refused to speak to me though, he needs to toughen up a bit.

He needs to toughen up a bit? Are you for real? Would you dare say that if the genders were the other way round?

BrendasUmbrella · 18/01/2020 19:24

And you and the OP should stop thinking you have the right to criticise the kind people you know who make your lives easier by doing things you don’t want to do for yourselves hmm

I agree the OP was being U, but this thread does have a whiff of "A man COOKS for his family?? He deserves a medal!!" about it. He cooks to make their lives easier, and she cleans to make their lives easier.

And as the person in my household who does both, I'd rather be the cook than the cleaner. It takes less time.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 18/01/2020 19:27

I'm not so sure storming off and ignoring you is great but maybe he needs some space if this is the straw that broke the camel's back. It seems like this probably isn't the first time so might be a cumulative reaction?

Get yourselves an M&S £10 meal deal, read the timing instructions on the back and plan out with a bit of paper so you know when to put each thing in before you start. Put the kids to bed and apologise with a meal you've cooked.

Going forward, ask DH to show you how to cook so you can do the basics. If he was unwell or away, you can at least make some meals and share the load. Even if DH loves cooking, it's not nice to feel unappreciated. Just being able to offer to batch cook a bolognese while he preps something else shows that you're a team.

BrokenWing · 18/01/2020 19:31

If your dh can cook why not ask him to show you, don't challenge how he does it, you can try to do it your own way when you learn how.

At the very least you should be doing all the chopping/peeling/grating etc prep for him!

Not being able to cook a few basic meals and being reliant on someone else so much as an adult is ridiculous.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 18/01/2020 19:31

Ask him nicely to teach you three basic easy meals you can learn to do well. Like carbonara. And make sure to cook them for him.

pictish · 18/01/2020 19:32

I’m the cook here and let me tell you it is no mean feat to provide the whole family with meals that are healthy, tasty and affordable just about every fucking day of my life. It’s an absolute chore and the bane of my existence.

Agree with everyone else here. You can cook...it’s just that you don’t. If you’re going to duck out of doing your share on the cooking front, don’t nitpick about what someone else is going to the bother of providing for you.
Grrrr!

lowlandLucky · 18/01/2020 19:33

You cant cook, you agree he is a great cook yet you still think you know better ! I would tell you to fuck off and cook your own as well

SonEtLumiere · 18/01/2020 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Karwomannghia · 18/01/2020 19:38

YABU about the food issue but he didn’t need to be so reactive. Dh will ask me stuff or check and I’m just let whatever dear

Furiosa · 18/01/2020 19:45

Who swears at their OH and strops off over bacon?!

pictish · 18/01/2020 19:46

I would. And?

Gibble1 · 18/01/2020 19:47

My DH has to do all the cooking and meal planning for the family nowadays because I too got sick to death of it all and one day when we sat down for tea and everyone was complaining about it I just said I wasn’t doing it any more.
Kids go on and on about what a terrible cook I am and how much better their dad is but the reality is that when I used to do all the cooking, we were poor so we had plain filling dishes with plenty of veg and now he cooks it is a lot of preprepared luxury foods which we would only have had as treats.
Pisses me right off!

GrouchoMrx · 18/01/2020 19:47

He also willingly cooks for the whole family.

And she cleans for the whole family. Willingly doing things for your family is normal, it's not special.

Somehow, I suspect the bulk of the cleaning is for herself.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 18/01/2020 19:48

This isn't a one off though, OP says she's frequently asking stuff like this so it's not just about bacon.

He's probably at the end of his tether with the questions. I think the majority of us would have had enough.

adaline · 18/01/2020 19:49

Who swears at their OH and strops off over bacon?!

If my DH was constantly questioning and criticising my cooking I would probably do the same!

Furiosa · 18/01/2020 19:50

BACON!!! Are you mad!

scarbados · 18/01/2020 19:55

If you don't like the way he cooks and prepares meals, learn to do it your bloody self.

BlouseAndSkirt · 18/01/2020 19:55

Furiosa
Who swears at their OH and strops off over bacon

Someone who does all the cooking, including treat cakes, and extra dishes when his partner doesn't like the main choice, and who every time he cooks has to answer controlling or obsessive criticism, and needs to take some time out to calm down.

olivertwistwantsmore · 18/01/2020 20:00

Why can't you cook? My mum always says, if you can read, you can cook.

YABU. I'd be cross if I were your DH as well.

RockinHippy · 18/01/2020 20:05

I agree I should make more effort, but really what’s the point when my DP can do such a better job?

The point is, so he doesn't feel you are taking the pee hi fir granted.

& as my wise old Nana used to say,
there is no such word as can't, only won't & don't want to

The making special meals etc when already cooking something else is a first class pain in the backside, I've had to do it for DD & when I'm exhausted, it's just too much at times & if someone was back seat cooking when I was making this effort for an adult. I would blow my top as it shows massive lack of appreciation.

I understand food anxiety, due to CKD I get food poisoning at the drop of a hat & have had it several times from DHs cooking as he has no clue about food hygiene & a cast iron stomach, so he just doesn't get it. I'd still respect him enough not to not pick at him whilst he cooked though though I'd be making sure there was nothing ingredients wise that was risky before her got near to the kitchen

I hope for your sake you do get a chance to make up & apologise, but I wouldn't blame him if this was the last straw & he's had enough

Learn to cook!! Not doing so is plain lazy & self entitled

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