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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp stormed out after I questioned the bacon, don’t know what to do now

401 replies

DoreenSamuel · 18/01/2020 17:29

Dp and I both work ft and both do our fair share of looking after children and household chores. Food preparation is not really part of my allocation but I do more cleaning.

Anyway DP tends to do a lot of cooking on the weekend with a view to putting some things in the freezer and some things in the fridge for meals over the next few days.

He is a great cook and meals are always delicious. However I seem to have some irrational fear of food poisoning and I frequently ask questions about the food he’s making which seem to annoy him.

Today I noticed he was cooking a load of bacon and I was surprised as he’d already said he was making fish and chips for tea. I asked why he was cooking bacon and he said he was making stuffed jacket potatoes with cheese and bacon for a meal over the next few days. I apparently frowned and also said I didn’t think bacon would be safe to eat after being cooked and put in the fridge for a few days.

He became angry and told me to google it. He said he feels completely taken for granted and ‘nothing is ever good enough’.

He’s stormed out basically telling me to fuck off and make my own meals. He knows I can’t cook so I feel really upset he’s reacted in this way. I do feel bad because he’s spent almost the whole day meal planning to ensure we can’t eat home cooked healthy meals but I really don’t think his reaction was ok.

Aibu? If so how can I make this better, he’s not answering his phone.

OP posts:
SeigneurLapindeGrantham · 18/01/2020 20:06

Oh crap I clicked yanbu by accident. You are completely out of order OP and you owe him an apology.

PS Learn to cook

olivertwistwantsmore · 18/01/2020 20:06

if he didn’t cook sadly I think I’d live on beans on toast and apples, he does really look after me.

Lazy and incompetent. Having to be looked after is not an attractive trait.

DrivingMsCrazy · 18/01/2020 20:06

eaglevision it's "extraordinary" how you can twist a situation to suit your opinion - if it was "one" question maybe you would be reasonable but the OP has said she questions him frequently so it's obviously been the final straw and he's eventually snapped after years of this irrational behaviour from her!! So no he's NBU, you are.

OP if you had spent 30 seconds on google you might have realised that bacon has enough salt/preservative in it to last for ages - have you ever looked at dates on a new packet? Often a month or more ahead. Get a grip, bacon is the last thing to worry about!!

Furiosa · 18/01/2020 20:09

BlouseAndSkirrt

That point could be made just as easily without swearing or running off!

Confrontayshunme · 18/01/2020 20:10

My DH had a period of stress at work which culminated in him picking apart the method and meal I cooked every single night for about 8 months. We nearly separated because I couldn't take it any more. It was a form of control. He couldn't switch off from his very minute, scientific work, and it has really damaged our relationship. Don't underestimate how these kind of ungrateful comments can feel to him.

1Morewineplease · 18/01/2020 20:12

If you have food anxieties then you need to deal with them
Standing over your partner and criticising his cooking and preparation while you can’t cook yourself is very silly indeed.
I’m surprised that he still cooks for you.
If I were your partner I’d have told you ages ago to cook your own meals.

Oakmaiden · 18/01/2020 20:13

I agree I should make more effort, but really what’s the point when my DP can do such a better job?

So that he doesn't always have to be the one doing it?

(Spoken as someone who I perfectly capable of cooking but bloody hates it. Happily I have taught my husband and 3 teenagers to cook, so I don't have to do it so often any more)

BallacheForLife · 18/01/2020 20:15

"Who swears at their OH and strops off over bacon?!"

People who's cooking is constantly criticised, apparently @Furiosa

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/01/2020 20:20

It is in no way extraordinary, childish or immature for someone to bugger off for a bit and not engage when they are constantly being questioned about what they are doing. Indeed is it not standard MN response for the female who is being treated like this to pop off for a spa weekend and let everyone else get on with it. Maybe he is doing just that.

Bagofworries · 18/01/2020 20:26

You say your DP does all the cooking and he's good at it, so what's the point of you learning?
Yet you're coming across as virtually helpless without him. Preparing and feeding yourself is a pretty basic requirement. I hate this attitude of what's the point if someone else is going to do it. Do you need us to spell out what the point is?
You're a fully grown adult who admits they cannot feed themselves. This means you are not a fully functioning adult!! What happens if your DP decides he's fed up of your nitpicking and wont cook anymore. What do you do if your DP is away?
Do you want to be completely dependent on another person to feed you for the rest of your life?
Do you have children?
Are they going to grow up unable to feed themselves?
Maybe your DP feels taken for granted?
Maybe your DP would like someone to do the cooking once in a while?
The truth is you cant be arsed. I hope your DP cant be arsed to cook for you again until you commit to learning to cook yourself.

firstimemamma · 18/01/2020 20:28

Yanbu.

I wouldn't eat reheated bacon.

BlouseAndSkirt · 18/01/2020 20:31

Furiosa

That point could be made just as easily without swearing or running off

Yes, without the swearing, certainly, and while in his shoes I probably would have sworn, as Like him I am not a saint when pushed, I would then apologise having gone away, cooled down and thought how to communicate over all this.

Which hopefully the OP is also doing, and the two of them are having a proper conversation over his home-cooked fish and chips.

pictish · 18/01/2020 20:34

Cooking daily really is a relentless slog. I don’t think those who don’t cook appreciate just how much time and effort goes into the task.

BasilOfBakerStreet · 18/01/2020 20:34

Are we sure this isn't a reverse?? 🤞🤞

Livelovebehappy · 18/01/2020 20:37

If I were your DP I would suggest you sort your own meals out, and he can focus on meals for him and DCs.

ISpeakJive · 18/01/2020 20:38

Have you ever stopped to think that maybe your DH would love someone to make him a lovely meal once in a while? Anyone can learn to cook. Find a recipe, buy ingredients, follow instructions! Done!

Petrichor11 · 18/01/2020 20:42

I can’t be doing with intentionally helpless adults! It’s just so bloody wet! Get a bloody grip! Learn to cook. You don’t need to be a gourmet cook but you need to be able to cook a few basic staple meals. Pull your weight as an adult in the household.

I do sympathise with your food anxiety, I suffer with anxiety myself including about food poisoning. I avoid watching people cook. If you’re going to fuss and nitpick then you need to take over the cooking, it’s not fair to put your anxieties onto someone else.

SuitablyDull · 18/01/2020 20:46

As someone whose DH (rarely) cooks and frequently says he can't, yet tries to criticise and question my cooking, my sympathy is with your DH. Quite honestly I used to love cooking, now.it is a very tedious chore, and when being questioned in the manner it sounds like he has walked away to save his sanity...
Hopefully he has now calmed down and returned and you are both able to talk about it...however OP, as others have said, you need more then words to show you are truly sorry...especially the point he has been pushed too

Gogolego · 18/01/2020 20:49

Yabu- so long as the bacon was well in date in the first place then it will be fine for 3 days

But to fix it say "maybe we could learn to cook a few new things together or perhaps go on a cookery course together"

BohoBunney · 18/01/2020 20:54

I agree I should make more effort, but really what’s the point when my DP can do such a better job?
Yikes.

OrangeLindt · 18/01/2020 21:00

Sorry but you would get on my nerves as well standing over him picking fault at everything. Your anxiety is irrational and you need help to manage it, otherwise I agree with your husband, make your meals yourself.

RockinHippy · 18/01/2020 21:00

Yanbu.

I wouldn't eat reheated bacon.

Would you eat a quiche Confused

Newname1978 · 18/01/2020 21:13

@SinkGirl this might shock you but I actually didn't know that (hides face in shame) but I am going to make it because it sounds delicious! Wondering if my kids will eat it.. any other simple delicious recipes put them in here (completely misses point of thread)

Queenofeverything44 · 18/01/2020 21:20

Personally I'd tell you to foxtrot Oscar too. All that time cooking for you and you can't Google something.
If I were him I'd make you cook for yourself. Maybe your fear of food poisoning is from your lack of ability, so learn to and then you may criticise if not stay In your lane 😂

fligglepige · 18/01/2020 21:29

YABU but he sounds a bit over dramatic too.

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