Dp stormed out after I questioned the bacon, don’t know what to do now

[DoreenSamuel]

Dp and I both work ft and both do our fair share of looking after children and household chores. Food preparation is not really part of my allocation but I do more cleaning.

Anyway DP tends to do a lot of cooking on the weekend with a view to putting some things in the freezer and some things in the fridge for meals over the next few days.

He is a great cook and meals are always delicious. However I seem to have some irrational fear of food poisoning and I frequently ask questions about the food he’s making which seem to annoy him.

Today I noticed he was cooking a load of bacon and I was surprised as he’d already said he was making fish and chips for tea. I asked why he was cooking bacon and he said he was making stuffed jacket potatoes with cheese and bacon for a meal over the next few days. I apparently frowned and also said I didn’t think bacon would be safe to eat after being cooked and put in the fridge for a few days.

He became angry and told me to google it. He said he feels completely taken for granted and ‘nothing is ever good enough’.

He’s stormed out basically telling me to fuck off and make my own meals. He knows I can’t cook so I feel really upset he’s reacted in this way. I do feel bad because he’s spent almost the whole day meal planning to ensure we can’t eat home cooked healthy meals but I really don’t think his reaction was ok.

Aibu? If so how can I make this better, he’s not answering his phone.

Fucking hate adults who say they can’t cook.

Yes you can, you’re just lazy! A spag Bol is just ingredients thrown in a pan. A monkey could do it!

My 11yo cooked a recipe from scratch the other day for the first time on her own.

Also when someone makes you food you shut up and eat it, you don’t criticise it. I’d have reacted the same way as your dp as it’s clearly something you’ve done before.

I think anyone would be majorly pissed off to be treated like you treated your dh.
You said your fear is irrational, that's not his fault and he sounds really pissed off.
Call him and apologise, you are out of order.

Poor bloke your bloody lucky he does cook, i have to pay somene to do that ! Why not see if you can do something re the fear of poisioning then?.

I'm the only cook in my family, and I'd be furious at you for that, too. It's so dispiriting spending your time coming up with nice meals for your family and not getting a positive response.

I think his reaction was excessive, as you weren't claiming anything about his personal cooking as such maybe, you just had a question/concern about bacon in general.

I'm a bit the same, as my mum gave me really nasty food poisoning once. Did you have a similar experience, or is your fear just one of those things?

I’m not convinced op has “got the message”, tbh, when her last post was questioning what the point of her learning to cook would be when he does it so well...

@GetOffYourHighHorse
'However, she has got the message that she was being VVU now...'
Yes, perhaps someone else should suggest she learns to cook, just in case she missed the first 50 suggestions? It's like cancel the cheque all over again

Indeed it is.

You don't have to do anything complicated to cook your kids a decent meal. Surely you can boil some pasta and mix a bit of tuna and sweetcorn in? Or it's really easy to use a slow cooker- you can get pre prepped casserole veg, a bit of meat and a sachet of seasoning. And the BBC have loads of easy recipes for various meals.

Not being able to even cook your kids a basic meal is really pathetic.

You can fix this, but you have to give him time. I'm willing to bet this isn't the first time you have undermined and questioned him like this, and everyone has their breaking point. Simply saying sorry isn't going to help; you have to address the issues.

• Get help to overcome your anxiety. Really work on it.
• Learn to cook. It's fun. It's relaxing.
• Tell your partner that you are going to work on the underlying issues. Mean it. Do it.

He knows I can’t cook Look up a recipe and follow the instructions, so easy a teenager can do it.

You never cooking claiming you “can’t cook” then hoovering over me, with your will it be safe to eat would do my head in. I’d tell you to cook for yourself too

I'm astonished by this thread tbh.

Yes, she could, and arguable should, learn to cook a bit, but lots of people are useless at it and let the partner who enjoys and is good at it play to their strengths. She said she pulls her weight in other ways.

But she's not allowed to ask a question without him telling her to fuck off, storming out and refusing to answer his phone? And she's the one being accused of immaturity and told she's 'pathetic'??

Extraordinary.

'I’m not convinced op has “got the message”, tbh'

She chooses not to cook, I doubt posters repeatedly saying learn to cook will make her run off and buy a cookery book.

Isn't the flouncing incommunicado DH more of an issue? Bit of an overreaction to querying if bacon keeps.

Sorry OP, I'm another that's going to weigh-in to say YABU. It sounds like he's had enough, I hope that if you leave him alone for a while he can calm down and you can apologise.

Bacon is absolutely fine having been cooked and then stored in the fridge for up to five days, easily. It’s already cured and as long as it’s cooked and stored correctly there is no safety issue.

OP sign up for Gousto or Hello Fresh for a few weeks. Teaches you how to cook some amazing meals.

OP I've not read the full thread, but could you learn to cook?

JOKING

I would text him, and not only apologise but make a constructive suggestion that from now on, where possible, you cook together and you learn some basics - you should be doing this anyway and your DH will probably appreciate it. Win win?

Actually, I would be making him a cake to say sorry. You can't fuck up a basic sponge and if you have jam it could be a Victoria Sandwich. That would be a nice gesture of atonement and contrition making friends again.

Depends how you put it to him but I think storming out was a bit of an over reaction unless you have form for questioning his cooking.

And as everyone has said basic simple cooking is easy (and can be fun).

Depending on how old your children are cooking and baking together can be a good way to spend time with them.

So you can't cook but question everything someone who can cook does? Lord I'm glad I don't have to deal with you on a daily basis. Sounds like your DH finally had enough of you questioning everything and I don't bloody blame him!

Googling it would have been wayyy quicker than posting on MN and reading replies. Can't therefore conclude your anxiety is that bad, but maybe your decision not to cook is? Nobody expects an expert cook for a partner but not knowing the basics in this internet age is pretty rubbish tbh!

If you have eggs, butter, caster sugar and self raising flour we could talk you through it right now You literally weigh and mix. Job done.

Who doesn't like having a cake made for them?

Your post about why should you learn to cook when he does it so well is on par with saying, why keep a dog and bark yourself.
What would you do if anything happened and he wasn't around to do it anymore? Starve? Live on beans and toast?
My late father in law was like you OP. Never cooked a thing in his life. Why should he when his wife did it all.
He came unstuck when she shuffled off her mortal coil, taking her cookery knowledge with her.

'Oh, I can't do that, you're so much better than me at it'

'Why are you doing it that way?'

'I don't like it done like that. Even though I haven't got a clue about how it should be done, I'm sure I don't like it and you're doing it wrong'

'Are you sure you know what you're doing?'

False helplessness is not an attractive trait in anybody, male or female. Get a grip of yourself and start doing REALLY complicated stuff like putting bits of chicken in the oven instead of, well, putting bits of chicken in breadcrumbs in the oven. And heating up frozen vegetables in a pan of boiling water on the stove instead of heating up baked beans on the stove. Or bunging them in the microwave until they go 'ping' and are hot. Push the boat out and put pieces of fresh vegetables in the boiling water until they're tender.

Can you make a cup of instant coffee? You can make instant gravy.

Can you butter a piece of toast and cut it in half for beans on toast? Then you can use a knife to cut things up.

You have no excuses.

You're fussy, faddy and lazy where it comes to cooking/feeding yourself. And lucky to not have been dumped by now.

I hope he's decided you can live on beans on toast and apples from now on.

Well spending all weekend day meal planning for the two of you should definately receive a lot more gratitude. YABU

I'm another poster who simply doesn't get the concept of "I can't cook". It's a basic life skill, surely. Of course therec are degrees of cooking skills, but it's not difficult to rustle up spaghetti Bolognese, chicken curry or a prawn and vegetable stir fry.

There's so many YouTube videos that go through recipes step by step. Plus there's Jamie's 15 minute meals. Or Delia...

And if the OP has never been ill after eating one of her DH's meals, I'd assume he knows what he's doing.