Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp stormed out after I questioned the bacon, don’t know what to do now

401 replies

DoreenSamuel · 18/01/2020 17:29

Dp and I both work ft and both do our fair share of looking after children and household chores. Food preparation is not really part of my allocation but I do more cleaning.

Anyway DP tends to do a lot of cooking on the weekend with a view to putting some things in the freezer and some things in the fridge for meals over the next few days.

He is a great cook and meals are always delicious. However I seem to have some irrational fear of food poisoning and I frequently ask questions about the food he’s making which seem to annoy him.

Today I noticed he was cooking a load of bacon and I was surprised as he’d already said he was making fish and chips for tea. I asked why he was cooking bacon and he said he was making stuffed jacket potatoes with cheese and bacon for a meal over the next few days. I apparently frowned and also said I didn’t think bacon would be safe to eat after being cooked and put in the fridge for a few days.

He became angry and told me to google it. He said he feels completely taken for granted and ‘nothing is ever good enough’.

He’s stormed out basically telling me to fuck off and make my own meals. He knows I can’t cook so I feel really upset he’s reacted in this way. I do feel bad because he’s spent almost the whole day meal planning to ensure we can’t eat home cooked healthy meals but I really don’t think his reaction was ok.

Aibu? If so how can I make this better, he’s not answering his phone.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 19/01/2020 14:23

Ah, cross posted with another person who doesn't think you're the devil. Good.

74NewStreet · 19/01/2020 14:24

The happy ending was you agreeing to stay out of the kitchen in future? Confused. Wow.

spongejack · 19/01/2020 14:30

Great update OP!

SonEtLumiere · 19/01/2020 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlouseAndSkirt · 19/01/2020 15:13

I am glad you have been able to talk.

I think what people are trying to get at is that the problem was allowing your anxiety to take over so that you picked at him and criticised him while he was doing his share of the work.

That is what needs dealing with if you two continue with a healthy relationship. Apologising is one thing, and it is good that you did that.

Addressing your behaviour on a deeper level is another.

Good luck, OP!

theWarOnPeace · 19/01/2020 15:44

You really need to learn how to cook, though. It’s shocking that you don’t have this life skill, and even if you’ve smoothed things over now, puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship and will breed resentment.

GeraltOfRivia · 19/01/2020 18:06

I love the sweetie trail. My DH loves strawberry laces. If I mess up he'll find packs hidden around. I think it shows effort on your part.

Now about cooking. I reckon you should learn something simple and surprise your H. Once you start it'll give you confidence to do other things.

Bagofworries · 19/01/2020 18:46

So you're still not going to learn how to cook? 🤔
How is that even remotely a solution?
You're right back where you were before he stormed off, and for all your exclamations of how you appreciate all the cooking he does, he doesnt feel like you do. I imagine whenever he complains about the daily grind of cooking, you retort with how much laundry and cleaning you do.
So see you again the next time he feels taken for granted and fucks off and you cant feed yourself or your children a decent meal.

spongejack · 19/01/2020 18:53

Well thanks @GeraltOfRivia now I NEED some strawberry laces! AngryGrin

Skysblue · 19/01/2020 19:27

He was unreasonable and immature to storm off instead of having an adult conversation.

It is gross and risks food poisoning to cook bacon, keep several days, then reheat, if that’s what he was doing. It isn’t unreasonable to query a dodgy plan like that. It would have been fine with nonmeat or beef/lamb but not pork. If he wasn’t planning to reheat the bacon then he could have explained that like a grown up (but personally I still wouldn’t eat several day old bacon even if cold).

Who tells you that you can’t cook? Is it him? Sounds like he encourages you to put yourself down and overreacts at the slightest sign of assertiveness. Hm.

adaline · 19/01/2020 19:29

It is gross and risks food poisoning to cook bacon, keep several days, then reheat, if that’s what he was doing.

Why?

What do you think happens in store-bought quiches, or toasted sandwiches, or anything else that comes cold with cooked bacon in? Hmm

AllergicToAMop · 19/01/2020 19:34

Well sky just took this to a completely different level😂

Don't want to burst your bubble, but bacon is commonly cooked and then reheated.

If you have any information regarding danger of reheated bacon after it was cooked and kept chilled, please do not hesitate to contact Food Standards Agency on [email protected] because they are saying it's ok😱

spongejack · 19/01/2020 19:35

@Skysblue no it doesn't risk food poisoning! If you're going to make bold statements get them right! Blush

CassandrasCastle · 19/01/2020 19:35

@Skysblue W...T...F??!! 🤣

pointythings · 19/01/2020 19:36

Skysblue you are spouting nonsense again. A quick Google will tell you that cooked bacon is safe to keep in the fridge for 4 to 5 days. Are you having an off day?

74NewStreet · 19/01/2020 19:45

Who tells you that you can’t cook? Is it him?
In addition to the complete nonsense about food poisoning risks! 🤪

spongejack · 19/01/2020 19:51

I didn't get as far as the misandry in @Skysblue post, oh he's a man, he's abusing you, he's putting you down!

He does the cooking of all meals and because he has a dick he's still wrong!

Dear god!

ilovesooty · 19/01/2020 19:52

I still think your relationship sounds weird.

He likes me again nowHmm

And if you aren't going to become more knowledgeable or self sufficient you haven't addressed anything.

Karwomannghia · 19/01/2020 19:53

So now OP is abusive for expressing a worry about reheated food and then buying chocolate to say sorry. This place is truly bonkers.

ilovesooty · 19/01/2020 19:57

She didn't just "express a worry"

And i think the chocolate thing is creepy.

Karwomannghia · 19/01/2020 20:00

She did. She was worried about the bacon being reheated after a few days in the fridge and she expressed it.

ilovesooty · 19/01/2020 20:04

She's been nattering and nagging about his cooking for ages. As I said, I would have taken the whole weekend off and left her to stew.

pointythings · 19/01/2020 20:08

I don't think the OP is abusive at all. I just think that if she doesn't tackle her anxiety and learn to cook for herself, this problem will keep recurring, and that would be a shame because it's fixable.

ilovesooty · 19/01/2020 20:12

I agree that she needs to address her anxiety and the outcome she described doesn't seem to do that at all.

busybarbara · 19/01/2020 20:14

This is one of those situations where "if we were talking about a man treating a woman this way we'd be telling her to LTB". So I think you need to make it up to your poor DH, maybe with something you are good at.