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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp stormed out after I questioned the bacon, don’t know what to do now

401 replies

DoreenSamuel · 18/01/2020 17:29

Dp and I both work ft and both do our fair share of looking after children and household chores. Food preparation is not really part of my allocation but I do more cleaning.

Anyway DP tends to do a lot of cooking on the weekend with a view to putting some things in the freezer and some things in the fridge for meals over the next few days.

He is a great cook and meals are always delicious. However I seem to have some irrational fear of food poisoning and I frequently ask questions about the food he’s making which seem to annoy him.

Today I noticed he was cooking a load of bacon and I was surprised as he’d already said he was making fish and chips for tea. I asked why he was cooking bacon and he said he was making stuffed jacket potatoes with cheese and bacon for a meal over the next few days. I apparently frowned and also said I didn’t think bacon would be safe to eat after being cooked and put in the fridge for a few days.

He became angry and told me to google it. He said he feels completely taken for granted and ‘nothing is ever good enough’.

He’s stormed out basically telling me to fuck off and make my own meals. He knows I can’t cook so I feel really upset he’s reacted in this way. I do feel bad because he’s spent almost the whole day meal planning to ensure we can’t eat home cooked healthy meals but I really don’t think his reaction was ok.

Aibu? If so how can I make this better, he’s not answering his phone.

OP posts:
Winterwoollies · 19/01/2020 11:00

I admit, I’ve not read the whole thread. You’ve annoyed me. Firstly the bacon will be fine, it’s cured and it’s cooked. Secondly, you sound like a pain in the arse. Thirdly, learn to cook and share the “allocation” or leave him alone.

holidayhelpp · 19/01/2020 12:32

Is this real?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/01/2020 12:35

Bacon is more likely to last in the fridge than other things as the salt is a natural preservative.

Baffled when NT adults say they "can't cook".

  • can you read & comprehend what you read?

If so, you can cook.

  1. Read oven instructions.
  2. Read recipe.
sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/01/2020 12:48

@SinkGirl have you tried the vegan Appplwood cheese from Asda? That is pretty good.

SummerHouse · 19/01/2020 12:55

I am a bit like you op in the food poisoning phobia. I am also annoying to DP. If I said something like that he would reassure me. "It will be fine" is a common kitchen catchphrase. He doesn't tell me to fuck off and then storm off. I think your DP behaved badly.

Raspberrytruffle · 19/01/2020 12:58

Personally op if it were me cooking and my dh kept poking there beak in I'd hand the pan over and say here you take over the meals. Dont cut off your nose to spite your face OP.

Ninkanink · 19/01/2020 13:02

@DoreenSamuel How are you both today? Hopefully you’ve made up and both feel happy again. It’s not a big deal really, but maybe educate yourself a bit more so you can understand general food safety rules.

I also agree that it would be good to cook together sometimes, maybe ask him to teach you a few simple recipes. It’s good to feel confident with food prep.

AllergicToAMop · 19/01/2020 13:09

I am now wondering if OP was right about the dangers of partner's bacon and that's why she disappeared 😂
Or he returned and cooked her😂

DoreenSamuel · 19/01/2020 13:48

Ha ha no he didn’t cook me 😂.

We had a lovely fish and chips supper after a long chat. Clearly I am bu about questioning his culinary skills, understandably he is fed up of me coming across as ungrateful (I really am grateful and realise how lucky I am, he is a very good dad and husband).

I pointed out that he has the same refusal to do certain things such as laundry, dishwasher loading, emptying & mopping. We’ve agreed to stick to our roles as we both have different skill sets and overall it does suit the dynamic of our family- although I clearly need to stay out of the kitchen!

I’ve apologised and done quite a bit of grovelling. I went out this morning and bought his favourite sweets (maltesers and minstrels)and hid them around the house with little romantic notes with clues of where to find them. He likes me again now.

All you need is a bit of communication and a treasure trail with sweets. Just settling down for my roast dinner which I am very grateful for.

OP posts:
Thetellyisjelly · 19/01/2020 13:52

This is so weird Op
Minstrel treasure trail
What is he , a mouse? 😂
Such patronising behavior although with good intentions probably!
Why do you think you have such an off kilter way of treating people?! Where does it come from ?

EurghRedface · 19/01/2020 13:54

Everyone can cook, they just need the right tools and to put in some practise and buy decent ingredients. Enough recipes out there to follow and video tutorials

Thetellyisjelly · 19/01/2020 13:59

I hate this stuff. It’s what abusers do.
They behave in a constant low level shitty critical way, and then when they’re called out on it they engage in some totally bizarre sickly sweet display of affection (they tell everyone about too so we all think they’re really sweet and romantic).
In this case it’s the op and she makes
Minstrel trails.
As the abuse escalated so do the gifts.
It’s as old as the hills.

Thetellyisjelly · 19/01/2020 13:59

Escalates sorry

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/01/2020 14:01

OP it isnt a problem about what role you have though is it. You said yourself the problem was you constantly questioning him about his role, that is what needs to change.

DoreenSamuel · 19/01/2020 14:01

So is my husband abusive for refusing to do the laundry? Don’t be so silly

OP posts:
DoreenSamuel · 19/01/2020 14:02

He does similar things to me with regards to sweets, we’re all different. No need to jump to conclusions

OP posts:
DoreenSamuel · 19/01/2020 14:03

Sweeney yes you’re right, so as I said I’ll stop questioning and stay out of the kitchen

OP posts:
Thetellyisjelly · 19/01/2020 14:04

It’s how you crush him down and then have to compensate with stupid gestures.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/01/2020 14:05

Well does he constantly complain his clothes aren't clean enough? Do you do a separate load of his clothes because he doesn't like the smell of the washing powder you use for everybody else? Because that is the equivalent of you constantly questioning him, him cooking you separate meals and so on.

adaline · 19/01/2020 14:10

So is my husband abusive for refusing to do the laundry? Don’t be so silly

No, because presumably he accepts that it's your role and doesn't criticise you for not doing it properly. I also assume he doesn't insist you wash his clothes separately because he doesn't like the way you wash everyone else's.

BedSprings · 19/01/2020 14:11

You were on MN's naughty step from page one, op,
once on it you can't come off, it's a MN law or something.

Enjoy your dinner! Grin

DoreenSamuel · 19/01/2020 14:18

Bed springs you got that right! I admit I was wrong, I apologise, agree not to criticise and to stay out of the kitchen, do a nice gesture which DH found hilarious and yet it’s now it’s about abuse and being patronising!

Enjoy your day too 👍

OP posts:
SaphfireRose · 19/01/2020 14:21

Well, OP, I think it's sweet (pardon the pun) and I love a happy ending! They are rare on here.

Cake
Anniegetyourgun · 19/01/2020 14:22

I read this thread earlier today and had to come back to it to be sure there was a happy ending Grin

So pleased you have made it up with your DH, and hope you are able to get help with your food anxiety because it must make things a bit miserable for both of you at times. Not just the cook!

I think the sweet trail thing sounds cute, so there.

DoreenSamuel · 19/01/2020 14:22

Thanks Saphfire 😁

OP posts: