to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

[Fauxfurrealwhiskey]

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

You had an opportunity here to be playful about the whole thing. Breezily sitting at the back, maybe hugging her shoulders and saying 'hello co-pilot!', and being lighthearted about the whole thing.

Maybe OP doesn't particularly relish the 'opportunity' to spend her Saturday night being a made for TV movie mum to someone else's kids. And why would she want to hug and praise a nine year old for sitting in the front when said nine year old has form for being reluctant/sulky when she's asked by her father to move into the back, and OP didn't approve of her sitting there anyway? Just because she's a woman doesn't mean she should see any interaction with any child as an opportunity.

Also can anyone advise how one might go about breezily sitting in the back of a car?

YADNBU. No way would I, as an adult, sit in the back for an hour with a child sat in the front. It shows a total lack of respect. Adults in the front, children in the back. I'm assuming by all the odd responses on here that if the DD's elderly grandfather was going along for the ride he would also be put on the back seat? Such nonsense from people.

YANBU OP, I wouldn't let my kids sit in front and me in the back either.

I did choose YABU on acvount of her already being in the car. I'm probably a bit laid back in this respect and wouldn't have really cared about getting in the back. Upon hearing that she's still in a booster though, she should be in the back for her safety. My 9 yo DD (

Sorry accidentally hit post! My 9 y o DD (not far off 10) hasn't legally required a booster for about 2 years though so the height thing didn't really occur to me. She is quite tall to be fair and she takes the same inside leg as me (I'm long bodied) but she has school friends of the same height. DSS will probably still be in a booster at 16, he's tiny!

Is the OP coming back?

I’m with you, OP. My dad wouldn’t have let me in the front seat if my mum was in the car, I expect the same from my partner.

The way I see it is that if I pay for the fuel and upkeep of the car I get to sit in the front. My children sit In the front when there is only one of us. My DSS got to sit in the front once he breached the 6ft barrier and I felt sorry for him scrunched up in the back. But it’s like when my children ask why things are a certain way in shared living areas, or certain meals cooked (occasionally I cook what I want) I just say when you have your own car you get to decide who sits in the front.

I’m with you OP I wouldn’t want to sit in the back either, I would let dad and daughters have some time together and stay home instead. I’m sure your dsd couldn’t give two hoots if you were in the car or not. Btw I love my dss dearly but I’m under no illusions that I’m no way near as important to him as his own parents and he likes it when I back
Off and let him have his dad on his own. I feel exactly the same about my dad and his partner. It prevents festering feelings and jealousy.

@Fauxfurrealwhiskey PMSL. This thread (and the OP) is on mumsnet madness (on twitter and she is having the shit ripped out of her!

YADNBU. It is a basic mark of respect that children move aside for their elders in situations like this or who controls the music or has a favourite chair in the house etc.

She called shotgun....your the child in this situation

Wow OP you need to do some growing up.

If the law is followed then yes she has as much right to the front seat as you do. Even more so if they only see each other a little amount of time.

You are asking him to chooses between you and his daughter. That's a big no no!! For goodness sake you could have used that time to speak to his other daughter and then sat in the front on the way back.

Ridiculous.

Frankly, the most staggering thing on this thread is the number of adults here using the term "shotgun" and at the same time accusing the OP of being childish!

I think you need to either grow up or get your own car...

YABU. I often sit in the back while my 9 year old sits in the front, it depends what takes our fancy. Adults don't take priority in our family.

Completely agree with you that he shouldn’t have expected you to sit in the back, he’s over compensating for his guilt, won’t do him or the children any favours in the Long run, however parents aren’t perfect and I have seen this in a lot of separated families.

@karalou2 why would the conversation between the child and dad be 'difficult'?? How ridiculous to suggest that having the child in the front seat on the way would be unsafe because the child would chat the whole way. How could you possibly know that the child is chatty?

My child who is 9 now would offer to move to the back. Being 9 does not mean she is incapable of thinking for herself and applying basic manners here

I think you could have handled it a bit better at the time but overall YADNBU. Aside from who sits where in a car, if your DP doesn’t continually demonstrate to his kids that his relationship with you, and you as an individual, are important to him (not more important than them) then they will never think you are significant enough to respect or include in their lives. This will lead to a lifetime of you just being ‘Dad’s girlfriend’ or ‘Dad’s wife’ - tolerated but definitely not valued or respected.

She called shotgun....your the child in this situation

Oh, the irony. Because ‘calling shotgun’ is what rational grown ups do, right? Including those who can spell.

Adults don't take priority in our family.

Yep, and we're seeing the consequences of that in schools everyday.

I would expect to sit in front too as my legs longer than 9 year olds. It shows you disrespect in my opinion. I would not ever put a 9 year old in front while adult in back. I expect to sit in front of we give other adults a lift too if our car.

That could work both ways. If dp asked dd to move, then dd could perceive that dp thinks that she is not significant. There’s no evidence that dp doesn’t consider op as significant,

I think you’re unreasonable (and pathetic)