to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

[Fauxfurrealwhiskey]

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

Is you DP aware of the law? Was the DD on a booster seat?

First in gets to choose.
I think you should have not made a fuss, it doesn't reflect well on you.

If you were asked to move (eg you were in the front seat) I think that would have been rude and would not have been happy - but this wasn't the situation so YABU

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland a lone passenger in a minicab (not black cab) always sits in the front in my experience. Black cabs are different and two passengers travelling together in a minicab often sit together in the back to talk to one another, but a lone passenger in an ordinary car style minicab always sits in the front.

In most cars there is most space in the front passenger seat, although it is also the most dangerous seat in the car.

I don’t think you are unreasonable. It is a courtesy and a nod of respect.

If my dad is alone in the car, I hop in the passenger seat. If mum or another older relative gets in, guess who sits in the back? Yup. Me.

I’m in my 50s . It is just the way it is round these parts.

I don't really understand the back seat hate either. I often sit there on longer journeys so I can sit near DD in case she gets upset/bored. I manage to chat to DH just fine. And I like that I have more space around me for my things thanks to the empty middle seat.

Plus OP would have been sitting beside her DSD so couldn't they just all chat together?

Also my mum would think I was bonkers if we pulled up to pick her up somewhere and I jumped out of my seat and went in the back She'd already have gotten in the back, sat down and be giving me the side-eye.

Unless it's a black cab, obviously I will take the front seat, if I am the only passenger in the taxi. Doesn't everyone do that

No. Couldn’t think of anything worse tbh.

Oh god I never sit in the front in any kind of taxi, it feels weird I always sit in the back!

CherryPavlova

I agree.

I would never sit in the front in any taxi.

obviously I will take the front seat, if I am the only passenger in the taxi. Doesn't everyone do that?

Nope - safer in the back

You don't sound mature enough for this relationship.
I never knew that only kids could sit in the back though, you've taught me something.
I'll insist on front seat passenger seat from now on.

Kids are safer in that back, so she should have sat there.

Exactly. Both my car and my DHs car don’t have the option to disable passenger airbags so it’s not an option for DSD to go in the front anyway.

My DH wouldn’t suggest it anyway as adults go in the front - that’s just the way it is. And if we were picking up his/my parents/grandparents or even friends I’d go in the back/offer to go in the back as it’s just good manners.

The OP really isn't a stepmother. She doesn't live with the children's dad and isn't involved in the contact weekend. It's weird that her boyfriend expects her to sit in the car for two hours to keep him company on the homeward bound journey anyway, and does suggest he thinks she's lesser - she can be a spare part on an unnecessary two hour car journey in order to entertain him on the return leg.

I wonder whether the children resent the OP being in the car at all.

I wonder whether there's a power game going on between the eleven year old stuck in the back alone or with her dad's girlfriend and the 9 year old spoilt favourite in the front with her dad.

I wonder what the children's mum thinks of her 9 year old being put at unnecessary risk by being allowed to sit in the front even though she's too young to be safe there. That smacks of a disfunctional parent - one who gives his 9 year old what she wants at the expense of the safety she needs.

Does he let her eat only chocolate and ice-cream and stay up til 2am so she'll like him more?

I wonder lots of things about the scenario, every element seems off. It's not a relationship I'd want to be involved in as any of the parties.

Would you let a child pick the chair at the head of the table in a restaurant or at the Christmas table?

The master bedroom with en suite bathroom?

The hotel room with the sea view or the garden view?

Children are not equal to adults. They’re children. The have none of the responsibilities of adulthood, and share only some rights. Children also have some rights that adults don’t. This is as it should be.

It’s fine indulging a child as long as they know it’s an indulgence. If they take it as a right, they see themselves as having the rights of adulthood. That is setting them up for failure.

Would you let a child pick the chair at the head of the table in a restaurant or at the Christmas table

Yes, in our family we sit where we want at the dinner table.

Would you let a child pick the chair at the head of the table in a restaurant or at the Christmas table?

I have done in the past! It’s a bloody seat at the table. No fan fare or status required

It just goes to show how different people can be. I've always sat in the front in a taxi if I'm by myself. It has never occurred to me to sit in the back. Shrugs.

The taxi front/back thing probably deserves its own thread

Would you let a child pick the chair at the head of the table in a restaurant or at the Christmas table?

How would you know it is the head chair? The head of the table is where ever the main adult sits. There is no actual 'chair' at the 'head of the table'. They are all just chairs. Unless one is a tall high throne and the rest are smaller ordinary chairs. The head is wherever the head sits. In any chair. Regardless, you cannot compare the two scenarios. We are talking about some girlfriend thinking she is level or above a man's child. She is not. A parent will always choose their own flesh and blood over some girlfriend or boyfriend. And that's how it should be.

TheMemoryLingers

I agree!

Head of the table's fine 7salmonswimming especially if it's the only place the high chair fits

Children should have some choices and decisions where there are no serious safety implications and where they're not causing anyone else physical discomfort

As soon as safety or discomfort for other parties come into it, the adult in charge can overrule.

Parents don't both squeeze into a single bed in the box room together because the 9 year old wants the king sized bed to herself. That's not about who's important, it's common sense based on the best outcome overall for everyone's comfort.

Parents don't feed their children only on sweets and fizzy drinks because there's a health consequence. They don't let toddlers cross the road unsupervised not because it's a privilege reserved for adults but because of safety.

Parents usually share the largest room because there are two of them and they're bigger, and need a bigger bed - it just happens to be also true that they pay the bills but that's surely not the reason. If I was single and had two same sex children who had to share because of number of bedrooms of course I'd put the two sharing in the largest room, not take it on my own!

I sit in the back of a taxi because when I first started getting them as a teenager and my skirt was round my arse I always copped them eyeing my legs up so just getting in the back felt safer.

Now I can’t be arsed to sit so close with some random bloke which I can see side on. I’d rather look at the back of his head and talk about the time he clocks off..

Laughing at someone posting a rant based on them not knowing what head of the table means

I've never lived in a house where there was a 'head' place at the table (I currently have a round dining table). But some people do have larger dining chairs with arms (carvers, I think they're called) at the ends of a rectangular table. In that situation I'd give those chairs to whoever had the biggest bum!

Anyone who has a different seat for the 'head of the table' needs to step into the 21st century.