to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

[Fauxfurrealwhiskey]

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

Children tend to be smaller and bendier/fitter/fewer achey bits than adults and back seats tend to have less room/legroom so it's always made perfect sense to put the little ones in the back to give fully grown adults the front footwell extra space. That's even before more recent laws around car seats and height restrictions.
It's also basic manners, surely.
Yanbu.

Agree with @NoWeAreNotNearlyThereYet.
And I wonder how many of those who say YABU actually give up the front seat for their own DC. Stepmother on MN is always preceded by an invisible "wicked". Drives me barmy, it's like a wronged first wives club.

YANBU this would have annoyed me too

Aside from that though I see children on the way to school sat in the front and always wonder why. Are these people just able to turn airbags on and off depending who is sat in the passenger seat !? I saw a tiny Year 1 child sat in the front the other day.

As others have said surely she is too small, especially if only sat on a booster seat and not proper car seat. My tall 8 year old is still in a car seat and sits at the back.

Does he have a very new car? Is it easy to turn the airbag off ? (If not she will end up badly injured if sat in the front ) 🤷‍♀️

She was in the car first. End of

She was already in the car. YABVU

I’m with you OP. I presume from what you said, that he wanted your company. Someone wants my company, then it’s on my terms and I want to be comfortable.

It’s more comfortable for adults in the front as they’re bigger and it’s easier to get in and out due to door configuration. You weren’t rude about it, you simply declined his invitation as the terms weren’t as you had expected.

I hope she didn’t hear what you said

This will likely to be seen as "vile" too but if I am invited to a get together and there is limited seating I expect the children, not the adults, to sit on the floor.

I’d agree, but if someone who normally asked their kid to move for an adult said “She needs to sit there today” I’d assume there was a genuine reason for it (& if it was my partner I’d speak to them later and check all was well)

would you not think there was a reason for it, especially when he reiterated the point when you objected?

I think OP clearly saw the point hence refusing to go on an now unnecessary journey as she was no longer keeping him company.

He was rude.

I think there is something underlying here op for you to get so upset - he sounds like hevery will allow his guilt over his children to dictate his parenting of them.

I feel for you -its beyond frustrating

YABU

You sound like a child OP.

I think OP clearly saw the point hence refusing to go on an now unnecessary journey as she was no longer keeping him company.

He was rude.

He asked her to keep him company on the way back. The way some people on here are going on is as if he should have only spoken to the OP on the way down

She has no idea why he didn’t ask his daughter to sit in the back as he normally does as she was too busy stropping to find out

Nrtft but you are an arsehole. Also why do you have to go along? Youre untrusting and controlling too imo.
My exs girl friend always comes with him to pick up his daughter for his weekends and it really pisses me off. I wouldn't go near him ever, but she's so insecure she has to follow him everywhere even at great inconvenience to her and her kid. No alone time for him and his DC either.

I'm with you OP.

I wonder how many of the posters saying YABU actually sit in the back of their own cars while children sit in the front?

In any case, there is absolutely no point in going in the car for 2 hours to keep him company if you're going to be sitting in the back where you can't really talk to him. I'd have stayed at home too.

YANBU!! I would expect my kids to jump out for any adult! X

Has he bothered to come back for you? You made yourself look batshit and petulant in front of his dc. If you had all been getting in at same time you would have a case but for a short trip with them in situ it simply was not worth the breath.

@lyralalala I get your point about there possibly being a reason that the DP was aware of, and the OP wasn't, that the 9 year old should sit in the front. I think though that any such reason would also mean that it was better that dad's girlfriend didn't come at all. Either he couldn't be bothered dealing with his children at that point, in which case it's better for OP not to get in the car with them for an hour; or his daughter was upset/in particular need of a demonstration of love from her father, in which case it's surely better for them to be alone without his girlfriend there. So OP probably did the right thing for any underlying circumstance.

Yanbu to expect to sit in the front in general, but I’d have picked a different time to le the law down with my OH, away from those little pricked up ears.

OP doesn't need to 'grow up' and she wasn't acting like a child.

OP's not a child. She was going as a favour to her partner. She didn't fancy the ridiculous seating arrangement which negated the favour in her opinion. So she declined to go, calmly.

Picking a different time to discuss it would have meant letting it go in the moment, which would have inevitably made it ten times more difficult to get the kid out of the front seat the next time.

YABU

You sound like a child yourself

YADNBU
It's basic manners, I'm nearly 40 and would absolutely get in the back if my nana was getting in the car.
It's called having respect for your elders!

And people wonder about the state of our society and young people. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

As a child I would have always got out to sit in the back if we were picking up an adult and I used to get car sick.

I don’t think you were being unreasonable.

I see children on the way to school sat in the front and always wonder why. Are these people just able to turn airbags on and off depending who is sat in the passenger seat !?

It’s a flick of a switch in my fairly old car. Presumed it was easy in anyone’s car.

My 9yo is tall enough to be without a car seat? I’d expect most 9yo are big enough to be in the front!