Children's comments that cut you deep (light hearted)

[MakeItRain]

I was off sick recently with flu, and when I finally went back to work (I teach young children) a child in my class happily said "oh, you're back. I thought you were dead!" She didn't look all that bothered either 😭 Luckily I did also get a lot of hugs from others in my class.
AIBU to ask what's the most forthright comment a child has ever made to you?

Oh man these are amazing, kids can be brutal!

I got asked yesterday by my 6 year old where we were going because I had made my face look nice

My DD age 6 asked my if I had met Mary Queen of Scots when I was younger. I was only 24😩

My class was joined by pupils from another class which had to be split (legal way of dealing with emergency absence back in the day) and one of the interlopers tried to boost her devil-may-care image by slyly remarking to the other girls that I was fat.
They closed ranks furiously, telling her fiercely that it was none of her business, how dare she, I was big-boned, don't you speak of our teacher like that etc.
Then their chief spokesman ruined this moment of solidarity by telling me confidingly, "Of course, we know you are fat, but she shouldn't have said so...……"

Slightly outing, but I guess Prince Edward has opened many a new building in his time; we were heading for the drama studio for a rehearsal, when I remarked that I had been at the official opening of said building by Prince Edward. They were currently studying the Tudors, so well-versed in the names of Henry VIII's children, and were impressed; they knew I was a long-established member of staff, but had I really been teaching there since Tudor times?

I had this from DD aged 2:

'Oh mummy, your tummy is just like a bouncy castle'

And another as I was putting on make up from DD then aged 9

'I don't think you need to bother with make up.'

(At that moment I was thinking it might have been a compliment)

Followed by:

It's not really going to make a lot of difference now is it?'

My mums pregnant where’s your baby - not pregnant btw lol - also my very beautiful partners son once said to a friend babysitting ‘why are u ugly’ which was awful I didn’t know them then and made me so sad that a child put such high value on looks and the 80’s - not like that now though thank god - 😮

DGD(5): «Grandma, are you old?»
Me : «No, not yet!»
DGD(puzzled): «But your face is!»

After putting a bit of weight on over Christmas I wore a loose fitting shirt and black jeans to work in a school. A 4 year old said to me "why have you still got your pyjamas on?". I have also had "Miss Bobary, when is that giant spot on your face going to go?".

Kids are the worst for crushing your self esteem because they are so genuine!

‘Mummy why do you have a hairy face?

Cheers love.

Also brutally in front of my OH (who is DSs dad) our son told my sister "My daddy died when I was a baby" to which she replied "no he didn't, he's in the kitchen". DS was 3 at the time and OH was very offended

My parents were alive in WW2 and my son once asked them very seriously what it was like living when everything was black and white.

I don't have any stories myself, but I remember my DSis telling our mum she looked 'really pretty from the back" when she was about 6.

My brother had this question, having read Roald Dahl’s BFG:

Will nan and grandad have sticks when they get old and crumply?

From my 14 year old DD only yesterday after I had read some of these to her.....

Me - "Who do you love more, me or dad?"
DD - "You, because you've helped to sort my room our and it looks soooooo much better"
DH - "What about the shelves that I put up in there etc?"
DD - "Well yes, but you only did it to stop Mum nagging!"

She has a point, but it took him pretty much all day to put the new shelves and lighting in her room!!

‘Mum... were you always a girl?’ (When the evening standard started running a loads of trans related puff pieces and tagging every one at parties, openings and events).

Gee, thanks son...

My 2 year old lifted my top to see my tummy and said ‘oh big one!’ I told him it was big because he and his brother used to live in there and he said ‘aww mummy’ and hugged my stomach which made it slightly better!

From a child I used to tutor:

'Why do you have so much hair in your nose?'

Had no idea it was more than average but have since used Nads wax nose stuff.

Same child, different occasion...

'Why are your teeth brown'?

They're not brown but always they could do with being whiter and went for teeth whitening.

I also work in a school. (This will out me if anyone I know irl reads this!)
One of the 6yos in my class was sitting on the carpet and I was talking to her waiting for the rest to take coats off and sit down.
Her: I think you are pretty.
Me: That’s a lovely thing to say. Thank you.
Her: I don’t like you though.

Oh. Well, can’t win ‘em all.

And 5yo DD:
People die when they get old, don’t they? Like Poppa did.
Me: Yes, they do, and it’s sad, but we can think of all the happy times we had with him.
Her (tearfully): but that means you will die very soon and I don’t want you to.

Well, as he was 99 and I am 42 hopefully it’s not that imminent.

Oh, and another one from DD1, who would have been about 8.
R says it takes them ages to go anywhere because her mum puts on loads of makeup and stuff before she goes out. I’m pleased you aren’t like that. You don’t care at all what you look like, do you?

'Mummy, I really love you ... even though you're so boring most of the time'

Little girl on an adventure holiday where I was a leader:
“I’ll always remember you, the girl with the soft tummy”.

I was about 17. I’m now 49. My tummy has always bern soft/flabby, no matter what weight I am, or what exercises I do. 2 CS don’t help either.

Dd has lovely really full lips and when she was about 8 she asked 'mummy why are my lips big and other peoples aren't?'

So I said she was just lucky and some people have injections to make their lips bigger!

'Oh you should have those'

Also 'mummy did you know you have white hairs? I think that means you'll be dead soon'

Dd1 is a genius at making these kind of comments

Just in the past few days:

God mummy you smell. Of perfume, honest.

When discussing boarding school. 'Don't send me, I'd miss daddy. Although I'd get away from mummy go I guess it wouldn't be bad'

When telling her little sister (jokingly) how many times we'd tried to give away dd1 away 'god and you don't know how many times I wanted to be given away'

Today when telling her to stop chattering away and get a move on, looking me up and down, tossing her hair 'really, how very rude'

She is 10 and is a total delight - makes me laugh more than anyone else I know.

Also when dd was 6 weeks and ds was 2 on a very quiet train carriage

'Mummy your tummy was big because dd name was in there wasn't it?'

'Yes'

'Is there another baby in there now?'

And then just in case I didn't get the inference

'Because your tummy is still ENORMOUS'