To have a baby alone?

[afternoonishazy]

Or am I being ridiculous to think I could do this ... am 39 ...

Only you know if circumstances and environment are right to introduce a baby into. Do you have any other children who might impact on the baby or your own ability to care for the baby?

I get the urge to have a child, but in your situation I wouldn't do it. I'm thinking from the child's point of view though. I'm sorry if my post above sounded harsh though. It is a shit situation to be single and running out of time of course it is and you do have my sympathy.

A child deserves to grow up in a stable home with both parents present and involved

Stable homes come in all shapes and sizes. As do unstable homes.

I wouldn’t let being single put you off - about a third of all families are single parent families. If you really want to, go for it.

OP - have a look at Donor Conception Network. You'll get informed opinions there about donor conception from both the parent's perspective and child's perspective.

I suppose I'd be worried about the child not having family apart from myself- it could be a lonely existence for your child.

Would you consider having more than one?

Oh are you the one who wanted to get preggers by some bloke you'd been on one date with or something? I remember now.

No. YOu should not.

I do worry about that more, when I see posts here about presents and money from extended family.

But at my age I’m probably pushing it to have one.

What?

I think if you have at least a years worth of salary saved up then go for it.

I’ve not given birth yet but currently pregnant through sperm donation at 36. I made the choice a year prior when I realised that I preferred being single, and the guys I dated were never going to be good fathers. I moved out of London back to be with family. My parents are divorced, one talks about child minding and seeing other grandparents taking GC out and about and the other does two days of childcare for the stepfamily and have them around all the time. We are all close. I also earn well. Money will be tight but not impossible. There are some good Going Solo books out there and Donor Conception Network is a great place to research. They talk about telling the child and the child often does well as they know they were really wanted that mummy went it alone. I know it’s going to be hard, and it’s only now pregnant that I am starting about some of the practicalities - birthing partner, not wanting to drag someone to NCT for weeks on end, what happens if I have a c section, what about a baby that won’t be put down, not having someone to share the sleepless nights. Everyone reassures me that it won’t matter as they will be around, which is great. Lots to think about but I’m still very happy with my decision.

Oh are you the one who wanted to get preggers by some bloke you'd been on one date with or something? I remember now.

@afternoonishazy - you’re not that old. I had 2 after your age. Sometimes I wish I’d used a donor as then you can pick the genes you want to complement your own. You could freeze some embryos. If you had two, they would have each other and you.

Go for it op.

@afternoon That would be the deciding factor for me. I know a number of single parent families-you wouldn't be alone there. However, most of them have multiple DCs and/ or have their extended families (aunts, uncles, cousins).

Also in the event I passed away whilst DC is young who could they live with? I'd hate to think they end up in a foster home.

Have you considered how you would cope if you had a c section (accounts for 1/4) births or birth injuries and a new born.

Op, when you say no to family support, can you elaborate? No grandparents or siblings of yours about anywhere at all?

If I was totally incapacitated I imagine I’d have to buy in help but let’s not go down the lines of what ifs.

If X happened I would deal with it as best I could, just as I do now.

What I’m interested about is the child.

I’m an only child.

Being an only child you will no doubt know the highs and the lows of that.

Depends on the relationship with the parents for the child, and in this scenario you are limiting them further.

Let's be honest, when they are little, they aren't going to care/notice. When they join school and begin to get older they may have very mixed emotions. The older they get, potentially the harder it could be for them.

Your child would be better in existing than not existing. People rarely regret being born. They regret not being born. And so do their mothers, for the last 55 years plus of their (the woman's) life.

Your depth of thought about this and financial stability will go a long way to create a happy well rounded adult, 18 years of fun and love later.

How do you regret not being born 'Daisy'?

Yes I would. If your life long plan is to have children then go for it. Never live with regrets. Make sure your child understand when old enough and is well adjusted and knows how much it was desperately wanted him/her x

i did.

Not intentionally!, but i would not change a thing. Its tight money wise, and lonely sometimes but its absolutely worth it 100%

For me ask yourself, could you live the rest of your life without children? Im mid 30's and if i didnt have kids now, i absolutely would go it alone at this age or older.

"Men bring a lot if extra work and expectation even if it's just psychological/societal on the woman's part. My kids are happy and healthy as am I, without a man.
It's more tiring when you also have the cook him meals. Keep house nice for him and worse - keep self exercised, hair perfect and made up. And then evening time with him so kids are rarely put first and have to go to bed at 7 for him time. "

What a bizarre way of looking at it. I'm married to DS's dad and don't have any of those issues.