To have a baby alone?

[afternoonishazy]

Or am I being ridiculous to think I could do this ... am 39 ...

I'd do it!

If this question is too personal I’m sorry and you don’t have to answer obviously but why didn’t you have a baby before now? I only ask because I thought about myself in your shoes and wonder if I would. If you’ve always wanted a child and to be a mum then I would definitely do it

No way would I do this. I have a healthy child, partner support (although he works relatively long hours during the week meaning I do most bedtimes) and I am absolutely exhausted. I simply could not have done it alone.

As a single mother with very little support (due to small number of relatives) and my friends (even those who have children similar age) astonishingly very difficult to arrange play dates etc with I honestly find it tremendously difficult to cope. My child was wanted but we've been just the two of us since turned 4 months old, aged 2.5 now. I worked self employed and can turn my hand successfully to most things I try, I've had a physical job since leaving school so used to hard work and long days but NOTHING prepared me for this single motherhood. Very isolating, lonely and though incredibly the best thing ever - also the absolute hardest and most relentless at times. Though I will say I don't like leaving my child with just anyone as upset to routine etc just makes my life harder in the fallout.

I hoped I’d meet somebody, but it hasn’t happened.

Worth noting that the two PP who say they couldn't do it alone have men they live with. Dh etc. In my opinion it's much harder with a man. Men bring a lot if extra work and expectation even if it's just psychological/societal on the woman's part. My kids are happy and healthy as am I, without a man.
It's more tiring when you also have the cook him meals. Keep house nice for him and worse - keep self exercised, hair perfect and made up. And then evening time with him so kids are rarely put first and have to go to bed at 7 for him time. Not the life for me.

Go for it. Kids are great. You'll be a great mum.

It can be very difficult, like previous posters have said. If you really want to then I think I would. But try to build up as much of a support network as you can, with friends and hopefully parents of babies of a similar age.

I had a dad but hardly ever saw him. He was away for months at a time and I didn’t really know him properly until he retired from the sea and bought a pub. I then saw him most days for seven years before he got cancer and died. My mum managed and I had three siblings. We also travelled and lived in different countries away from mums family and support.

I think if it is your only chance and desire to have a child then in this day and age I don’t see why not. Lots of women have children with partners only for them to let them down and often leave. The world today isn’t the Ladybird book of two parents a boy and a girl families are all sorts.
I made lots of great long term friends at playgroup. If you can afford to then do it.

I kind of unintentionally had a baby alone from 3 months. I was 37. (ex-p left after 12 years together). I love this: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/10/what-being-a-single-parent-is-really-like-sophie-heawood

I now have another dc and a new DP. Life isn’t always what you planned. Sometimes it’s better.

I wouldn’t do it alone without family or money sorry.

I wouldn't do it alone, in all honesty. Sorry if that sounds negative. I love DD but despite having a DH who more than pulls his weight, I still find it incredibly challenging. I think it would be doable if you had close family support or were comfortably off (and could afford to pay for childcare) but you said that you don't have either. That would be extremely hard, imo.

I earn just above the threshold for child benefit, but obviously full time nursery and mortgage will not leave very much left over.

I’m a bit chronically single so I’m used to doing things alone. That doesn’t bother me. It’s more the possible impact on the child.

I wouldn't without comfortable finances and/or family support. If it's what you really want then go for it but it will be difficult on a lot of levels. I have a dh, family support, comfortable finances and even then it's not easy (and I've got a chilled baby).

It's bloody hard work to have a baby, I was a zombie for the first few months and I had a very supportive partner to help me share the load (family mainly wanted cuddles, no real practical help). Having had one I appreciate how naive I was going into it (literally nothing prepares you!!) BUT you have to make your own choices in life, and even knowing what I know now if I was single and had no prospects of having a child with someone I would still do it alone yes. It will be really really hard (especially if your little one is a bad sleeper like mine, still never slept through night at 16months!) but it's not impossible. Just as long as you go into it with your eyes open I don't see why not if you want your own family. Second hand markets (Jack and jill or equivalent), save a contingency fund if you can, look into support groups in advance etc. Get a plan in action and see whether you think its feasible for you, only you know how much you are willing to persevere. Best of luck!

My friend went it alone at 41, however she had savings and family back up. She has zero regrets.

It depends what kind of person you are in a way. I am resourceful, tough, proactive, not prone to depression. I am lucky as not much gets me down. So I know I could have done this if I had really wanted to. As could some of my friends who have done ( one adopted as a single Mum, two others used sperm doners). If it means a lot to you, you will be a good Mum and you will manage. Don’t let people put you off by saying they couldn’t have managed, they are not you.

I wouldn't if you'd be doing it truly alone, without a supportive family. It's very hard and the breaks I get from ditching the kids on granny or daddy from time to time are the reason I'm still sane.

Why wouldn't you? You want a dc. You don't have a dp. Time is running out to have the former and the latter might or might not happen regardless. But the dc definitely wont happen unless you make the choice.

My friend did. She is a fantastic mum and has a lovely, now grown up successful dd. She says it's the best decision she ever made.

I’m not bothered about tiredness or anything like that. It’s more the effect on the child.

Isn't CB threshold 50000? Many single parents, me included, do it on a 16000. With two kids.
You'll be fine as will your DC.

Childcare can be difficult- especially at school age.
THen they start with after school activities- dance, football, karate etc.
They get tons of holidays, and will often get sick.

My DS never had bove 70% attendance in the whole of primary school.
Childminders won't take ill children.

Who will be the father- what of his rights- and responsibiities? And what of the child's right to know who their father is?

Where will you get the sperm from?

I think that's worth considering, although I'm sure you've considered it OP.

I've got a one and a half year old and it's a lot of hard work. Some days I struggle and I've got a supportive fiancé (but no other support nearby, no relatives). Couldn't have got through the first 10 months of ds' life with zero support.

You sound like you’ve thought this through and it may be the only chance you have to have a baby of your own.

If you think you can do it by yourself, then go for it. If I was in your situation I think I would.

Your child will ask questions about its father, and you’ll have to deal with that as it arises. But so long as he or she always feels loved and wanted, hopefully it won’t have a damaging impact. I think I’d make sure that in a age appropriate way the child knows the circumstances around their birth, so it’s never a surprise.

Good luck

It depends what kind of person you are in a way.

This. I'm a worrier and nothing makes me more miserable than a bad night's sleep. I knew I couldn't have a child alone, it wouldn't be fair on anyone.

Have you posted before OP? This thread and your posting style seem very familiar...