To have a baby alone?

[afternoonishazy]

Or am I being ridiculous to think I could do this ... am 39 ...

Er yes I have worra

The child will not have a ‘father’ speakout which is why it needs careful thought.

A lot of people saying ‘oh I couldn’t’ - you would, what you mean is it would have been hard and not enjoyable. I think I’d still prefer that than not experience being a mum. It’s the child I’m concerned about.

Posted before, no, why?

How much experience with children do you have currently?

That is utterly ridiculous. There is no qualification required. 15 yos who can't spell 'because' have babies every day. Nature will provide as will the whole UK structure.
Beware of some PP who would not have a baby outside wedlock or without big house in Surrey with new fitted kitchen. They would otherwise abort.
There are other ways of having children (and they're usually happier.).

I know we are different, you're a lot richer :), but it's worth noting the motivations and priorities of some women when taking their advice.
I sincerely think you'll regret it if you don't.

Hi op I did just this.
Had ds with h whom left when I was 18 weeks. I was very ill after birth but managed.
4 years later used a doner and ended up with Dt. It's never been a secret Dt are aware and it's never been an issue. They know if they want to they can trace him aged 18. They have a letter written by doner so have basic details.
It's not always easy but worth it. We're a team. Making major life decisions for dc on my own has been hard at times but there's never any arguing!
I saved loads before the fertility treatment and during pregnancy and therefore managed to have 14 months off work. I was also lucky to have good maternity pay due to long service. Twins was a surprise and more expensive childcare wise etc however I wouldn't be without them.
I became unwell I was retired in my 30s from work and unfortunately will never work but this could happen to anyone. As a family we manage. We can't predict our future and we get on with what life throws at us. I planned for many eventuality but not this one - I don't think you can plan for everything. If you go into this with your eyes open its definitely more than double and worth it. Plan as much as possible but be aware life has its ups and downs.

I meant have you considered whether to use a sperm bank or get pregnant by someone whose medical history you don't know?

My mistake, it's just that I've read a lot of these threads.

Go for it.My second son is due in 6 weeks and am going it all alone.Best decision for me after having left an abusive ex husband.I have no family and support but am managing just fine.My family lives outside UK and am estranged from them.

I plan to use my nanny for respite at least once or twice a week once baby arrives..So far my pregnancy has been easy.And am very thankful for that.Also I will be going into labor all alone and I look forward to it..Nanny will be taking care of my 5 year old when labor starts.She lives just 5 minutes from my house and shes agreed to be on call.
So yes it can be done but you must be mentally ready for this.Its not for the faint hearted.

I dont think you should.

A child deserves to grow up in a stable home with both parents present and involved. It's not fair, its selfish.

afternoonishazy

The child will have a father though. Maybe distant or unknown, but you can't eradicate the existance of the man- nor his possible future role in your child's life.

No, speak, they won’t - it isn’t the same at all as a distant or unknown father.

It isn’t about me eradicating him. It’s a simple recognition of the law.

Don’t be selfish. You have no support and a child needs a father. This shouldn’t be about what you want. A child isn’t a toy.

I’m fairly stable, you know - I don’t mind disagreement but factual disagreement.

Children don’t “need” fathers. And plenty walk away after the child is born anyway.

A child isn’t a toy

Exactly.

Oh but it's not fair on the child

I hate how single parents through choice seem to get judged so harshly on MN compared to single parents who settled for a shit partners who then abandon them or women who get pregnant accidentally. Far better and fairer on the child to become a parent with careful thought and planning than by any other way.

In fact a quarter of children in the UK are in single parent families. Of these just less than half are the children of a broken marriage. Single parent families happen for millions of reasons and well thought out choice is the very best reason of all.

plenty walk away after the child is born anyway

And they end up with a heap of problems.

YANBU. I had my DS aged 40, via IVF and sperm donor. He's now a fab and happy 6 year old. Bloody hard work, but absolutely worth it.

“ Worth noting that the two PP who say they couldn't do it alone have men they live with. Dh etc. In my opinion it's much harder with a man. Men bring a lot if extra work and expectation even if it's just psychological/societal on the woman's part. My kids are happy and healthy as am I, without a man.
It's more tiring when you also have the cook him meals. Keep house nice for him and worse - keep self exercised, hair perfect and made up. And then evening time with him so kids are rarely put first and have to go to bed at 7 for him time. Not the life for me.”

@Daisy7654 did you have your last relationship in the 50s or do you just only know shit men?

It's not ideal, but then looking at how many MNers who have DC after DC with abusive, useless feckers you'll be fine. Make sure you have some kind of support network, even if it's just NCT or something. Good luck!

Many children grow up without an involved father and they are just fine. Something like 50% of fathers stop contact with their children within 2 years of their relationship with the child’s mother breaking down.

Statistically, some of the women on this thread lecturing you about your selfishness will be lone parents themselves in time. Smugness is never a good look.

Also my sperm doner children are much more secure than my ds who's dad chose not to be in his life. There's been no rejection for them. They don't need a father they need good role models of both gender, know their loved and wanted and be financially, emotionally and physically supported. A child could be in a two parent family and be lacking what they need but have it in a single parent family.

Have you thought about how having no dad will impact on your child? The comments on here are all about YOU how will you cope, how will you afford it? You have a choice in this matter your potential child doesn't.

I have a couple of close friends who never knew their dad's, one he died when she was only a few months old from a long term illness and another who left her mum when she was pregnant. Both friends had issues and problems having relationships as an adult, when you spoke to them and discussed the future they didn't want to say they wanted marriage etc as it seemed so unrealistic and unattainable. One of them still hasn't settled down (late 30s) she gets close to then gets scared and leaves. Both are very intelligent (both have doctorates) but there are issues with them surrounding upbringing and forming relationship, they will admit this themselves.

Would you really want to chose to bring a child into the world alone, you are effectively taking away their chance to have a dad and causing issues down the line. Granted things happen where people end up without a dad, but you are making a conscious decision here, I don't think it's the right one no matter how strong your urge is to have a child.

I won't even bother to go into how difficult it is even with a supportive husband, alone no way and I had easy pregnancies and births (if there's such a thing).

Um, yes, that’s the main reason I’m posting here scrambled

Most comments about how it will affect you but the main consideration should be how it will affect your child. I think it's selfish to have a child alone by choice. The vast majority of children want a mum and a dad and you are removing that from them.

I think everyone's being a bit harsh tbh. You want a child, you can afford a child so why not go for it. You sound as though you'd regret not doing it op.