Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have replied to my neighbours anonymous letter?

127 replies

RhubarbBikini88 · 17/01/2020 23:55

My neighbour moved in last year and although she doesn’t always say hello (her husband does) we are on reasonable terms, taking parcels in for one another, Christmas cards etc. This afternoon while we were out we were sent an anonymous printed letter addressed to our house number asking us to be more careful with our rubbish as they have had to pick up an advent calendar and a nappy in a bag. I understand that’s not pleasant for them, and we are sorry but it’s been very windy and the council recently swapped our bin for a smaller one which means it gets filled quicker, and our recycling is just in plastic tubs which makes it out of our control when it’s windy as it’s just in boxes!
We have a ring doorbell which records everything outside our house, so we checked to see who posted it and it was our neighbour who lives in the house next door.
I wrote a letter back which said “dear ..., thank you for making us aware of the rubbish situation. We will try to prevent this happening again but if it does please feel free to speak to us in person as although we are not very good at controlling our rubbish, I promise we are friendly people!” And signed it with our name and house number!
Have I been out of order?

OP posts:
Boireannachlaidir · 18/01/2020 10:29

Agree with @nitgel

Whilst anonymous notes are awful, the issue is that you do need to sort out your bins and rubbish ASAP. It sounds like you're already aware of the problem but haven't taken action to prevent it happening again?

I'd be the bigger person here so rather than reply with yet another bloody note just knock on their door, have a friendly conversation saying what you'd said in the note. But I can see it's too late for that.

Vulpine · 18/01/2020 10:32

You do need to take responsibility for your rubbish

ElderAve · 18/01/2020 10:33

Why does everything have to be done by note/text? I get that the neighbour started it and your response was polite and reasonable but it's hardly going to help neighbourly relations. Talk to each other!

Rockbird · 18/01/2020 10:43

Which Ring doorbell have you got? I want one but don't know which one to get.

WorraLiberty · 18/01/2020 10:53

Haha! Well done OP Grin

Perhaps your neighbour is a Mumsnetter and had been advised to put a note through your door, because no-one on the thread 'likes confrontation'. Also known as basic adult communication? Wink

CripsSandwiches · 18/01/2020 10:56

I don't think your neighbour is too crazy. It's not that hard to contain your rubbish so you don't have dirty nappies rolling around the road. (Although obviously accidents happen and I wouldn't have bothered to write a note personally). If your bin is regularly full you need to come up with an alternative.

TheGreatWave · 18/01/2020 10:58

it was a printed letter not a quick note, so it was clearly preempted and thought out

Amateur. At the very least it should have been cut out of newspapers or written with an alphabet stencil. Grin

CeibaTree · 18/01/2020 11:00

I’m going to throw in a ‘maybe she has anxiety’ and so that’s why she sent you a note rather than speaking to you in person.
I could see that being the excuse for not interacting in person, but the fact they went to the trouble of typing out the note to presumably disguise their hand writing and then not signing it, makes me think instead that they are a bit of a passive aggressive twerp.

MaudesMum · 18/01/2020 11:10

We also have open boxes for our recyclable stuff and we are instructed to put them out the night before, as the bin men can come round very early in the morning. Even if you do weigh the lighter items down, a combination of unusually high winds plus the bin men sometimes being not as careful as they could be frequently means that lighter bits of recycling end up being scattered along our terrace. At which point whoever's garden they end up in mutters a bit, and puts said item back in their recycling for next week. Isn't that the usual thing to do? If its a one-off, I'd probably do the same with a nappy (in a nappy bag), and only contact neighbours if the problem persisted over several weeks.

Daisy7654 · 18/01/2020 11:13

I am completely on the side of your neighbours and I would be upset and considering moving if I lived next door to a family with rubbish problems. They were there first too!

Scarlettpixie · 18/01/2020 11:13

I don’t think there is much wrong with her note. She just wants to address this with you without confrontation. Not sure how a nappy in a bag ended up in her garden as it should be in a closed bin. That is a bit gross. Advent calendar I couldn’t get worked up about but without the nappy I doubt a note would have been written. Having said all that, I think your reply was also fine.

I am also interested in your doorbell. Have been wondering about getting one so you can see who is at the door at that point. Didn’t know you could get ones that record too.

Boireannachlaidir · 18/01/2020 11:14

@TheGreatWave Grin

Daisy7654 · 18/01/2020 11:14

Some people don't like confrontation, especially with litter louts. I would have sent a note rather than risk being shouted at.

Original poster
RhubarbBikini88 · 18/01/2020 11:20

We are not litter louts 😂 it is just a case of the advent calendar clearly blew away in the wind on a recycling day. I am unsure how the nappy bag got over there but I’m pretty confident it’s not been on a regular basis. We lived here first, not that this is relevant just someone mentioned them being here first. I am not saying that we are an innocent party we clearly need to find a solution particularly in bad weather, but I just found a printed, anonymous note, send when she knew we had gone out was just bizarre. As I said her husband speaks to us so all she had to do would be have him mention it to us. She’s just made herself look a bit odd to me now.

OP posts:
Original poster
RhubarbBikini88 · 18/01/2020 11:21

It was the Ring doorbell, it’s the one that is £89 in Argos. Amazing! Originally got it as people had been trying doors, didn’t realise it would have another use for catching out sneaky neighbours!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/01/2020 11:27

Some people don't like confrontation, especially with litter louts. I would have sent a note rather than risk being shouted at.

Haha! love it Grin Grin

category12 · 18/01/2020 11:31

What are you going to do about your rubbish blowing away, tho? It's winter. Wind is to be expected.

willothewispa · 18/01/2020 11:31

You can buy wheelie bins online so you could get yourself a larger one to store the excess rubbish in.

AmyFarrahFowlersTiara · 18/01/2020 11:33

Just get a net for the recycling box, like a normal person.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 18/01/2020 11:37

Their letter doesn't sound particularly aggressive. They're allowed to communicate via note if they want to - they don't know you so don't know how you're likely to react and this way they avoid bothering you in the middle of dinner. Some people want to be friendly with their neighbours some people just want to rub along without much interaction. Both approaches are fine.

Orchidflower1 · 18/01/2020 11:38

You can buy wheelie bins online so you could get yourself a larger one to store the excess rubbish in.

That doesn’t solve the problem as the council ( if it’s like ours ) won’t empty a none council logo bin.

Tbh @RhubarbBikini88 doesn’t have an issue with storing the recycling, she’s said upthread it’s in the greenhouse. I can’t believe that there is anyone in the country who hasn’t had a bit of recycling blow away.

The issue is really did she do the right thing with the letter/ yes imho.

Cyberlibre · 18/01/2020 11:38

In my area we use nets on the recycling boxes. Our area is amazing for recycling, we have to boxed and a new big blue bag which is for cardboard. Our bin collects once a fortnight and we are barely filling it with even 1 bin bag. This is for 4 grown adults (house share). I work with kids in a home environment so I understand nappies etc... but I don't understand how you're overfilling it all the time. So many things can be recycled now, plus food waste.

anothernamejeeves · 18/01/2020 11:43

Thanks @vanguard for telling us all what we need/don't need to start threads about ✋🏻

dontgobaconmyheart · 18/01/2020 11:46

I actually think your note back is pretty Passive Aggresive OP, and smug. The only real point to it is to appraise the neighbour you know it's them and make them feel embarrassed. You're also trying to identify them as a bit pathetic for not coming to speak to you in person - and then you yourself have written a note back instead of going over to discuss it in person yourself Confused

IMO all you've achieved with this is going out of your way to embarrass the neighbour and I imagine you both think the other is now a bit of a dick. I do think anon notes are ridiculous and a bit pathetic, and the length gone to those her handwriting is silly but it does demonstrate how much she will now be deeply embarrassed, what is the need to inflict that over knocking on the door saying you've had a note, in case she was worried it was only due to the wind and you'll sort something and would have regardless of the note.

It seems like it's a weird one oneupmanship about who's top dog...

Cordylina · 18/01/2020 11:52

You’re my hero OP